Revolver
by theevilestgeekofall
Summary: Karofsky's struggle with his feelings for Kurt take a steep, dark dive. Could there be a light at the end of the tunnel? Stay tuned...
1. Chapter 1

_"Lying there and staring at the ceiling,_

_Waiting for a sleepy feeling."_

His eyes glazed over, admiring the dull glow of the revolver.

Entrancing.

The cool metal soothed his pounding, sweaty hands.

He wasn't scared

(He had never felt so nervous in his life)

He felt calm; no fear

(Cold sweat dripping down fucking everywhere, he's quivering)

A few slow breaths.

There wasn't any letter, not really, save for the loose leaf resting on his bed, reading a thick, erratically written: SORRY.

And it wasn't for Dad, Mom, or Az. It should've been, could've been, but it really wasn't.

Hummell—no—

Kurt. He would know, he must

Know.

And maybe Karofsky was an ugly monster. But this would fix it

(It had to fix it!)

He had cried before. Weeping, shaking sobs still echoed in his small room.

Nobody was home.

He couldn't cry now, but his throat felt tight and thick.

He knew how this would end, how this had to end. It was just the getting there. In a strange way,

It felt like football. Like you could feel the win in your veins. Blood pumping and you knew it and then it would be go time and everything felt

Right. Like fate or some shit.

He couldn't be there when they'd find out.

And they would, he knew. Maybe soon.

Dad would've fucking kicked him out. Mom would've just stood there, and they'd be—they'd be so fucking ashamed, good God,

And maybe this way they could cry at his funeral, and they could

They could still—fucking give a shit about him. He wouldn't have to be around for the stares the glares the silence that would inevitably come…

Also, a lovely, smooth smile surfaced amidst these thoughts

That easy, sweet smile (_Kurt_) but it began

A churning darkness within him because—

Because that fucking kid was happy

Is happy. Would be happy and

(That's how it should be) but why

Why can't it be him? All he ever

Wanted (lusted for) was to make that kid

Smile. And he couldn't, and his fucking friends and family barred him,

Jailed him, and yeah,

Yeah, maybe he is a fucking wimp

But—there was some ache in his heart—

How could Hummell be so confident?

So—happy? Calm?

So…so lovely...

Stomach clenched

Thoughts clenched

Time clenched

Kurt would smile again, a million times again

And somehow that was worse than Kurt being

Alone or scared because of him and

Karofsky felt black and awful for wishing

That.

Hummell would know. Would understand.

(If he didn't realize, Karofsky would be

Dead anyway, long gone, Just a body)

Maybe he would, though…

Forgive a monster.

The revolver felt sturdy, resting on his palm

There was no other way.

This was the ticket

He was killing

A fucking demon—right?

So maybe…maybe he wouldn't be

So scared; and maybe Karofsky wouldn't

Ever have to feel that

Searing pain in his heart—

A flash:

Kurt, happy, free.

He pulled the trigger.


	2. Chapter 2

"_She said, 'I know what it's like to be dead._

_I know what it is to be sad.'"_

Eyes open to foggy bright light

His body is…heavy. And everything smells

Clean. Too clean. Too familiar. (Age twelve, broken leg)

And, above that, he hears a

Too familiar voice, talking with some nurse.

The all too familiar clicking of expensive boots

And his eyes come to focus, to meet

Piercing, Brilliant blue eyes…

Suddenly, the urge to speak hits him and overwhelms him and astounds him

And he knows just exactly what he wants to say, how to say it,

And so, he opens his dry lips and—

Karofsky woke up amidst unforgiving hospital sheets.

He had hit his right lung.

He had held the gun in front of him, shaking, and hit his right lung.

His body had exploded; had fucking gone through fiery bursts of pain, searing burning thick pain (pools of blood feel wet blood) only to faint into gritting, white blindness, and he had hit his right lung.

They pumped it up, as good as new. Eight fucking days lying there, around fake smiles and tentative Get Betters. Someone even brought in a balloon.

Do they know he had tried to fucking off himself?

Eight days soaking up shame. Shame for failing, shame for coming back to this situation that now needed explanation; that needed everyone's…weirdness.

Eight days of shame for…_relief_. For sweet, childish relief. He couldn't smile but he felt the urge within him to do so. Hated the urge to do so.

And now—one hospital to another—his parents sent him to a mental hospital, for two fucking weeks.

Doctor's suggestion, minimum.

Had to talk with a fucking shrink, had to draw out his feelings like some child, had to sit around sticky cafeteria tables with irritated employees and little hormonal freshmen.

His parents hadn't touched him since. No hugs, nothing. He could sense their pain, but fuck it, why did they have to be so weird? Why couldn't they just…either know what to do or fucking leave him alone? Leave him to…

(They were the ones who found him. Coming in the fucking door as he was pulling that beautiful trigger.)

Not that he wanted that. Their hugs or the trigger or anything.

He still hadn't told anyone—you know, why.

Therapist Carol tried to coax it outta him. It was pretty pathetic. Not that she's not smart or anything, but for God's sake he'd never reveal…

He'd rather escape, again and again.

He dreamed of (Kurt)

He dreamed of him nearly every night. Those

Blue eyes. Softness.

It hurt to still want him. To want him so badly.

To be imprisoned in life or death or this hospital, and the want for (Kurt) hitting him like some humongous tidal wave.

Drowning.

It was the third day at the mental hospital. Already he felt the burden of routine.

He missed the strength he used to have.

He was strong ("He'll be right back on his feet," they had assured his parents) but now his body was a mere shell.

And his eyes were black and only black, and he felt clear and maybe sometimes grateful but never happy, never near happy.

(This is why. And…Hummell. And

Happy and has Hummell heard about him?)

Karofsky stumbled over to the lounge area of the hospital. It was two A.M.

He clicked on the little television, but turned it off maybe ten minutes later.

Nothing on (couldn't think) (too much thinking)

"Hey," someone said lightheartedly, just behind the couch Karofsky sat on, "That was Whose Line is It, Anyway. That's too good a show to pass up."

Karofsky turned around, looking up to see—his father? (!)

No, no. It was Rob, one of the nurses who took the nightshifts. In the dark, all he could see was this soft grey beard, this looming figure…

He remained silent.

Rob slowly moved to sitting next to Karofsky on the couch.

"What's up, bud?" He said, kindly.

He shrugged. "Can't sleep."

"You want some tea or something?" (Karofsky scoffed) "Hey, doesn't sound too manly maybe, but it'll put you to sleep like _that_," Rob snapped his fingers, "I swear to God. No joke."

Silence.

"Hey, what's up?" Rob said, quietly concerned, "Seriously. I can sit here and listen. It's what I'm here for. Let it all out."

He wondered how often this guy had said the same exact thing to other stupid fools just like him.

Oh, fuck it.

He took a shaking sigh. "I—you won't tell anybody, right?"

Rob did that cheesy seal-the-lips, throw-away-the-key gesture, with great earnest.

"I've been dreaming about…" Karofsky cleared his throat. Oh god, was he seriously talking about this now? "about this guy I kind of…I don't know, I bully him at school.

"I…" Karofsky's voice cracked, "I was really mean to this kid. And now…I dream…and…ah fuck, I just fucking feel awful about…all of it. I feel like shit for still being here."

He turned to face Rob fully, eyes desperate in some way. "Why am I still…alive? I'm the fucking bad guy." He clenched his fists.

His heart pounded. He felt stupid. He wanted to cry or punch something.

Rob looked at him sympathetically, openly. "You're not the bad guy," he whispered.

"No…" Karofsky shrugged off Rob's hand tentatively placed on his shoulder. "_No_!" Something in him roared. "You don't get it! I am. I AM. Kurt…fucking changed schools for me. He's _scared_ of ME!" Karofsky began to sob.

Rob leaned in as though to hug Karofsky. Again, he was pushed away, roughly.

"Fuck you, Rob."

Rob didn't look hurt.

"Did you hear me? FUCK YOU! I don't want your homo hugs!" At that, Karofsky completely broke down into deep weeps. He couldn't meet Rob's gaze.

"He's not even scared anymore! He's happy. He's fucking HAPPY now! I'm never…He's…" his voice cracked, "Oh, GOD. Oh fuck. I don't want to…oh, I…fuck you Rob, I need to—I need to fucking tell you something!"

His red eyes quickly glanced to meet Rob's steady eyes.

"Don't tell anybody! PLEASE. Don't even fucking tell Carol. FUCK. Don't tell Carol, you're not going to tell her, right?" The words seethed, almost threateningly, out.

"I won't," Rob breathed out, with an edge of calm.

"I…" Karofsky breathed slowly. In and out. The moment was now. _Jump_.

"I'm gay."

Words he thought he'd never utter. He never felt so fucking vulnerable, so open or so small.

There was a pause; then

Rob hugged Karofsky. (He gave in; body limp)

Karofsky sank into the sturdy, steady cradling, there and understanding and…still there, forever there.

It was a rush. A waterfall of sweet release or freedom or relief. He had said those words and he…he wasn't alone. Karofsky felt a surge of feeling in his chest—happiness?

Readiness?


	3. Chapter 3 NEW

I didn't really like how I'd played out the third part of Revolver. This is why it took me so long to produce another part of the story. So I finally decided to redo the third part. The fourth part should be up EXTREMELY soon.

Obviously I don't own Karofsky or any other Glee character mentioned.

Thank you for any/all reviews and I implore you to send constructive criticism, what you love about Karofsky or Kurtofsky in general...anything.

* * *

_ "But if I seem to get unkind_

_It's only me, it's not my mind_

_That is confusing things"_

* * *

"David, what are we doing here?"

Silence. A thousand bitter replies running through his mind.

"I can't do my job if you don't start opening up."

Stupid Carol. "I never wanted this therapist shit," he sneered out. "I never wanted to Good Will Hunting my problems out with some middle-aged fucking scrapbooker."

Dave felt freshly vulnerable and he hated it. He hadn't seen Rob since THAT night and the wounds of the encounter still felt fresh, raw. Craving leverage. Rebuilding shield.

Because every night, he had normally drifted into that heart-pounding moment when he dove in

Kurt's tragically lovely face (so fucking...pretty. he could feel his heart breaking into a million fucking pieces)

And then only to see...see absolute _disgust_. Horror.

Monster. This monster that wouldn't go away, and he wouldn't confront it.

And he wouldn't be weak and cry and sob all over the place.

Now, though, he didn't revisit this locker room scene in those last seconds before sleep.

Instead he remembered Rob _hugging_ him,

Something swelling with happiness, and he felt fucking

_Stupider_ everytime he thought of that moment. His body warmed with shame. Rob probably thought he was some chick.

He didn't want to talk to Rob about that moment. All the possible situations where he did this felt horribly awkward, and so he just pretended the hug ("I'm gay") never happened and he never ventured outside his little room at night.

He hadn't told anybody any of that shit. He hadn't cried. (Okay, once)

And now, days later, back with Carol.

"David, please watch your language. And, you know that I won't and can't tell anybody else anything about what you say here." Carol kept on trying to make eye contact but fuck no, it wouldn't couldn't happen.

Fists clenched, unclenched.

She hesitated. "Just know that you're staying here until I see some hint of progress."

Jaw tightened. "Seriously? Fuck, I'm not fucking suicidal anymore. Just let me be."

"Language, David. How do I know you're any better if you just sit here, angry, throwing out the f-word left and right?"

He rolled his eyes.

"I want you to be happy. I do. I want to help you."

He looked at the clock. He sighed.

"I'm here for you, David."

"Why can't you just trust that I'm okay?"

"Because I don't trust it. Not yet, at least."

Silence.

"Just be yourself. How was your day?"

"Monotonous."

"Care to expound?"

"Do I really have to? It's the same fucking thing, every fucking day. It's...gay." That last word stuck to his throat. He felt dirty.

This time she sighed.

* * *

He was given antidepressants after he had attempted. It.

The pills didn't taste like anything and he felt funny. He wasn't him (was he ever)

He fucking hated it and he fucking hated the fact he broke down in front of Rob.

Broke down in front of Rob.

Warm hug..."I'm _gay_"...something in him breaks everytime and NO

No, it can't be like this. FUCK.

Broke down in front of Rob.

And, fuck Carol, he wasn't suicidal. He _wasn't_.

He just didn't want to stay here. He felt like a fucking pussy here.

Yet he didn't want to be _there_, either...

He wanted to be...

* * *

Karofsky picked at the turkey mixture on his plate.

Hell yeah, it looked good. But this was his third serving

Needed to take a breather.

He felt like a loner, and that bugged him, yet—

Wait. He just saw, in the cafeteria line…

(It wasn't Dad, it was) Rob. ROB.

Did he even remember Dave?

Oh god—fucking LORD CHRIST Karofsky

Huddled over his turkey desperately now,

Hulking, hoping he wouldn't be seen…

"Hey," the light voice came from behind him (again)

And Rob sat down across from Dave

"How have you been?"

Karofsky paused, incredulous at

Rob's casual lilt…was he trying to trap him?

To make fun of Dave?

"Look." He looked directly into Rob's eyes,

Like, I'm Not Gay, You Fucker,

"…Rob. I just…" Now feeling more

Desperate, Dave cringed internally, his

Face blooming into deep deep scarlet,

His eyes darted down.

"It's all good!" Rob had a strange smile in his voice,

"I just wanted you to try some tea,"

He motioned to the little styrofoam cup on his tray,

"It's some strong chai, and,

My friend, you won't be disappointed."

After a pause

Karofsky, off-guard, smiled

Laughed a belly laugh

"You fucker, I can't believe you

Remembered that shit!" He felt light

(Relief, relief, relief washed over him)

And met Rob's gaze, and suddenly

Giddy, silliness washed over him.

"What is this, nature's finest

Tasting laxative?" Laughs subsided,

Grin still there, playful

(Weird, strange)

"It's some kind of wonderful,"

Rob said, pleasantly

Astonished (pause) after Dave's

Laugh, words, nudging the cup towards him

Sighing, Dave took a tentative sip.

(Some part of his subconscious

Imagined Az groaning, "Man,

My Gra-Ma-Ma drinks that shit! Makes

Her bat-crazy, dude!")

Strong, black, spicy.

"It's not bad, dude," He said,

Shrugging and taking another sip

"Well, I gotta be somewhere else right now,"

Rob said, packaged sandwich in hand,

"You can have the tea. Glad you like it."

They both smiled at each other, and

Karofsky felt normal, but not

McKinley normal, just…freer.

"Hey—" Dave let out, cautious,

"Thanks for…

…

…everything."

Rob smiled, and looked straight

At him seriously, saying, "I know

It's hard to be yourself sometimes.

I get it, man. But if ever

You need somebody

To really relate to…" Rob passed him

A brochure on the table.

"Bye, Dave.

Best wishes. Hopefully

I'll see you again, huh?"

Something in Karofsky burned,

Sizzled. The brochure read in

Big, bold letters:

SO YOU'RE GAY…

Karofsky crumpled it up

Embarrassed (face red), still, but

He kept it,

Still

(Didn't know it or say it but

Eternally, wholly

Deeply madly…

_Thankful?_)

* * *

Breakfast that next morning.

Dave felt annoyed,

Sitting by himself. Hell, he wanted

To punch himself in the gut now,

Not literally but just on account

Of the fucking fact he was

A stupid loner, bored out of his mind.

He scoped the fluorescent-lit cafeteria

Eyes landed on a hulking figure

Not different from his own, maybe

A year younger, but what the

Fuck, everybody here seemed

Tiny anyway…(heart beating

He approached the guy's table,

This was a stupid idea, he's just

Going to laugh at Dave, laugh)

"Can I sit here?" He got out,

Clearing his throat, voice of any

Emotion. Just a question, right?

The boy smiled sleepily.

"Yeah, of course."

RELIEF!

"Hi, my name's Dave." Gruff, maybe.

"I'm Mitch."

"So, you new here?"

"Yeah, I just came in like an hour ago."

"What for?"

Mitch showed him a long,

Deep cut on his arm.

Silent.

"That sucks."

"What are you here for?"

Hesitation.

"Shot myself." He didn't allow

His mind to go back to that

Moment of pain(PAIN)sheer—

And anyway, it felt like some

Imagined nightmare—

No. "Fuck, would've done it again

Again after having the rubbery

Scrambled eggs here. Stay away

From that shit." Cracked a grin.

Mitch smiled tentatively, then—

He snickered, cackled.

"Noted, dude."

Friends?

"What school you from?"

Dave asked, after some

Seconds of silence

"Denverville."

"Dude, we _creamed_ you

Guys this season."

"Football?"

"Hell yeah. Your asses

Were fuckin' Cool _Whipped_."

"Shit, you from McKinley?"

Karofsky just grinned.

(Friends)


	4. Chapter 4

So I'm not going to mention anymore about updates, as I'm obviously very off when I say things like 'extremely soon'...my computer acted up and other silly excuses came up.

I'm not the best at choosing quotes, so I apologize. But I'm sure with enough overthinking my quotes begin to fit into any and all situations!

Thanks to any and all who read this~~~reviews are ridiculously appreciated

I don't own Karofsky or any other Glee members mentioned here.

Now off to watch Glee tonight! :)

(I promise the plot to this story will move more quickly soon!)

* * *

_ Yet you may see the meaning of within_

_ It is being, it is being _

* * *

Karofsky clutched the black Crayola crayon with a sort of desperation

Handful of the Crayola rainbow gripped in his other hand

Meaty, awkward, clumsy, he finds himself

Fucking drawing. Not 'feelings' or any shit the art therapist

Was blabbing on about feet away from him

No, instead he was shading and coloring and lining for himself.

It felt silly, but considerably much less so than if

Mitch wasn't sitting right beside him, doing the exact same thing.

"Dude," Mitch brought Dave's thoughts from the page,

"What the hell is that thing?" Laughs.

Karofsky's face burns-but the sort of burn that

He can handle? Silly? His eyes readjust to his masterpiece

Chuckles. "Fuck, it's kind of a mess.

"It's supposed to be a pirate."

Dave, starting in first grade, had been a

Pirate for Halloween five years in a row.

There was something rugged and dangerous about

A pirate that Dave had always admired...

"Aw, c'mon, Mitch, you can't talk. What the

Fuck is that supposed to be? Because all

I can make out is a…deranged platypus."

Mitch now looked down at his paper.

"Well, geez. That really hurt. right here."

He put his hand on his heart,

Eyes and hand fluttering with tragic

Mock woe. "Dave, why you so

meeeaaaaan?"

"Shut up, dude. I'm not being mean

Deranged platypuses are sophisticated,

Intelligent, beautiful creatures."

Mitch didn't really take in that last comment,

As suddenly his head ducked low

Real low and his eyes were darting from the side to

Karofsky and his voice became real soft

"Hey. Dave."

He still felt weird being called 'Dave'

"See that chick to my right?"

Karofsky's eyes darted

"-The chick with bright purple hair."

"Yeah, I see her." Hard to miss.

"Dude. Okay. She's hot, right?"

Dave shrugged and a part of his

Heart fell because something in him

Hoped and yearned for Mitch, too, to be...

Cleared throat. "I guess, yeah." She

Wasn't fat or anything, yeah, but

She looked fucking weird. "But purple hair?

Really?" He scoffed a little bit then

Mitch begged him with his eyes to

Quiet down, quiet the fuck down.

"She's totally been giving me The Look,"

He seethed out, excited.

"The Look?"

"Hell yeah. The Look."

"How the fuck do you know what The Look is?"

"How the fuck do you not know? C'mon, dude, it just happens

And I think she's got the hots for one Mitch Ghrede."

Mitch leaned back in his chair, in all his

Jock-worthy sweatshirtted glory, grinning with

A sort of brightness Karofsky hadn't seen in him yet.

He broke, a tiny part of him broke inside.

(Dude _it just happens_ he thought it happened

He wanted it to happen he had looked into those blue

Eyes and he wanted everything to happen

And he saw power and he saw Power and

His finger—touching! Touching—pushed and later

He cradeled that miniature married couple,

The ceramic couple so dainty so perfect

Wanting to be them wanting to like chicks

Fucking ceramic happiness dude it Just Happens though)

(Three times he'd only ever kissed

Three times and Charice, Rachel weren't

Bad but one smelled too much like

Strawberries and they were good but…BUT and then

Everything felt right and terrible but RIGHT with

with with with with with)

Purple Hair headed over their way.

Mitch had waved, had leaned back

And waved at her, and fuck, he would've

Could've winked and everything'd be

Smooth and cool and fluid.

Now that Karofsky thought about it

Mitch was like a slightly more confident

And much better looking Az.

"Hey," Purple Hair said throatily,

Her eyelashes doing some weird thing and

She was looking at both of them

Weird and the whole thing disgusted

Some part of Karofsky, though it shouldn't have. It was just all weird, like some Twilight-Zone shit.

"Hey there little lady…I'm Mitch." Mitch said lazily,

Smiling in the same manner he had been and tossing his hair

Just so, just so everything seemed right and _heterosexual_.

"It's my first day here," Purple Hair said,

Grinning particularly at Mitch, but then looked straight at Karofsky and for some reason he thought she Knew…

"My name's Jackie. So, you guys wanna escort me around?" Eyes sparkled.

Mitch grinned. Jackie grinned. Karofsky Dave grinned.

"Just let me finish this pirate picture," and, frow burrowed, Dave clenched a brown crayon with great earnest.

"He's a regular Picasso," Mitch threw out, chuckling. Dave didn't look up but he heard Jackie say, to him…

"I like Mr. Picasso over here. He's cute." Karofsky felt his face redden deeply. Cute? Fuck no, maybe fat or some shit…

"You're cute," Mitch eagerly countered, looking straight at Jackie.

From then on they were banded together. By either fate or The Look. The jock, the purple-haired one, and…the pirate.

* * *

Morning. Everything fuzzy and unreal.

Karofsky sat grumpily at the cafeteria table, clutching a Styrofoam cup of lukewarm tea and absentmindedly playing with the tea bag.

Mitch and Jackie sat across from him.

They had those fucking smiles on their faces. He knew what those looks were, he knew That Look. Remembered when fucking Az had that one chick and they were getting all gushy during a fucking FOOTBALL game. Left Dave and beer Cheetos television screen all alone.

Well it wasn't a problem, he wasn't gonna get all emo, but it was annoying as fuck.

Not that anything was official yet. But Mitch had his arm draped around Jackie she was throwing Lucky Charms on him playfully both giggly

Wished wished he wasn't there or anywhere and remembered when he thought he could just find The Right Girl and everything would be normal…

Cute cutesy wonder if Hummell likes that sort of shit. Likes arms and hands and Karofsky heavy everything dulled mentally as all he could picture was those blue piercing eyes, looking straight at him

Yeah. He probably likes that cutesy stuff, anyway. But not like The Notebook or some shit he has taste, definitely. Fancy.

"….New music therapy stuff. I saw them bringing in guitars and everything." Mitch was saying Dave surfaced, took a sip of tea.

"I think it's dumb," Jackie announced. "I mean, art therapy hardly does anything, anyway. It's not like music therapy's gonna be any different…"

Mitch just nodded, paused, then smiled with Jackie (Dave knew that Mitch played the guitar, could play Hendrix even)

"This is just a load of faggy shit. What, do they think we'll just all take up the tambourine, sing Kumbayah in a circle, and suddenly all of our shit'll just—"

"Hold up. Not cool." Mitch held up his palm, angry (angry? Why-)

"My cousin's like my best friend, and he's gay. You just can't toss around 'faggy' like it's nothing, 'cause it's not. That shit's offensive. Seriously."

Dave couldn't speak. Stared at Mitch, dumbfounded—

"It's just a fucking stupid thing to say. Like, you know, it means like they put gay people on fire or some shit and then people say 'fag' all the time."

Silence. Jackie's staring, too, opens her mouth but then Mitch again

"Sorry, Dave. I know it's maybe not a big thing but my cousin hates it and I just kinda take shit too personally, you know? We're good, dude. Just had to rant."

Jackie looks dazzled, dazed. "Mitch…you are so fucking awesome." Without another word her neck leaps out and she kisses him on the lips happily, mashing, quickly.

Pulls away. Both are smiling stupidly now.

She sighed. "Sorry, had to fly with the feeling." She looked apologetically at Dave, shrugging. "I just have to say here that…you guys, I'm bisexual."

Eyes widened. Time stopped. Except it really didn't and Mitch said "Woah. That's cool." He cracked a joking, silly grin.

"Shut up. You just want to see me with another chick, stupid!" She said, playfully pushing him.

"No, really." He grew quite solemn. "I know people here. You know, like suburbs and shit, can be all weird. But I get it. That. Is. Cool."

Jackie smiled. Dave smiled, and words came out of his mouth before he could think.

"Jackie—when did you know?"

She shrugged. "Maybe forever, I guess. For sure in like eighth grade, though."

Everything in him was sizzling, popping. He was going to do it, he knew he could (he could!) he could and this time his fists didn't clench.

"I knew maybe freshmen year. I always thought maybe…I didn't have to be. But I knew then. Shit was real."

Jackie, Mitch stared at Dave, mouths gaping.

"Yeah…I like dudes." He looked away, uncomfortable. Blush blooming, warming.

Shame ashamed should he have said it? (!)

"Oh my gosh! Davey, why didn't you tell us!" Jackie squealed out happily. "That's adorable!"

"Um….thanks?" Didn't really like being called adorable. Felt like fucking condescension but he knew it wasn't and all he cared about now he looked right at Mitch waiting, just waiting

Slowly Mitch smiled, eyes deep. "Shit if I wasn't shocked, but you know you got my support, man. I know jocks can be bitches about the whole gay thing. But seriously, don't go dissing on your own kind."

Abruptly Jackie perked up. "Hey, maybe you could introduce him to your cousin!" She threw a devilish look towards Dave.

Dave nervously chuckled. "I don't know about that…"

"No…he's a taken man. You can see it in his eyes." Mitch gave a 'knowing' nod to Karofsky. "But hey, if you ever want an overweight twenty-two year old to rock your world, give me a call!"

Mitch suddenly laughed. "Wait a second, that sounded kind of awkward, didn't it…"

"You fucker…" Dave gravelly muttered, gleeful. Face still red.

"Hey, I myself could be a pretty great time, your mind would be blown. And I cost a lot less than some of them other bitches on the corner, let me tell you…"

All three of them cracked up. Everything felt looser and calmer. Dave…still existed.

"This feels like the Twilight Zone. I honestly did not think I'd tell you guys…" Dave admitted.

"It's totally okay. Some people can be real assholes about it." Jackie replied darkly.

As Dave sat back, finished his tea—relief washed over him, again and again. First Rob—but Rob's was under the cover of night. It felt like a dream. Here now, with Jackie and Mitch…Mitch, another fucking jock, could be a football player at McKinley for Christ's sake…things were okay. Better than okay just by _being_ okay…

They sat there for some time, talking about nothing, Jackie's hand resting on Mitch's chest, Mitch's arm wrapped around her shoulders tightly.

* * *

Clock ticking.

Fuck it. He could talk a little bit to Carol. Wouldn't hurt.

"I made some friends here," he said, cringing to hear how pathetic it sounded. Fat kid makes two friends, YAY

Carol nodded, prodding him to continue. She wasn't surprised but she looked quite pleased to hear him talk…

"Mitch and Jackie. They're both younger but it's cool." He cleared his throat awkwardly. "I guess they're going out or something now."

Carol nodded fucking again. "How does that make you feel?"

"Seriously? You're gonna pull that clichéd line on me?" Chuckled. A bit jittery.

She laughed for a short second. "Yes, and I'll pull it again: How does that make you feel?"

"The fact that they're dating?"

"Yes."

Dave sat back. Hadn't really considered it? Hadn't really…

"It makes me…I don't fucking know, it makes me feel left out. I mean I don't care, but it still feels…weird."

"Mhm."

Seconds, minutes.

Wait, but that wasn't quite it.

His mind began churning, cranking, wheeling.

"You know, I don't fucking like it! I always fucking feel like the third wheel, you know? I've never like fucking dated anybody, and here they are being all honeymoony and I'm sitting here like a sack of lard! As per usual—because—because I'm just…

I'm just extraordinarily ordinary!"

Carol looked taken aback. Dave lowered his voice.

"It's just—sometimes I just feel so fucking ugly." He looked at his hands, unable to meet Carol's gaze anymore, at all. Remembered slamming that locker and running from Fancy and everything in him was on fire. "Like I'll never amount to shit."

"Why do you feel so insecure?"

"I—I don't know." Bearded figure reading the paper while he eats cereal, silent; Mom carefully preparing for Sunday mass Dave We Can't Be Late

Az—We Gotta Beat Up That Fairy He's Trying To Go All Lady GayGay On Us

His stomach darkened, curled, writhed.

"No, it doesn't fucking matter if I'm insecure! Fucking pathetic—I'm a bully, I'm the bad guy. I'm the guy who pounds the shit out of people." And who—

"Why do you bully other kids? And language, David…"

He rolled his eyes. Ignored the question. "But you have to know—I feel so bad. About all that crap I pulled." Everything gone shame rushed through him cold dark shame "It was all so fucking stupid. I wanna take back all the shoving and slushies and stuff…and…" his eyes shut, "I especially feel bad about bullying…"

"Kurt Hummell?"

"How did you know his name?" Eyes flew open. Suspecting (scared) skeptical.

"I have my ways. Don't worry about it." She smiled, which led to Karofsky sneering spitefully.

"When you didn't start talking I started snooping."

"Why the hell would you ever tell one of your patients that?"

"I have faith in you, David Karofsky. So, what led to this boy leaving school because of you?"

"Well. You see…" His guard was up, and he had to go for the reason he'd always given before, to himself to anybody but this time it didn't feel right (go for it, what the fuck) "He was just being a fucking fag."

He didn't mean it.

She knew it, too. Fucking Carol.

Pause.

"Do you really feel that way? Is that really your reason for bullying him?"

Silence.

Carol pinched her nose, sighed. In and out. "David, let's not do this again. What exactly did you do that prompted Kurt Hummell's transfer to Dalton Academy?"

Dalton Academy. Still could picture that motherfucking silky-haired douchebag giving him the Holier-Than-Thou talk giving him the Kurt's My Boyfriend Nice Try Fattie talk

"I…threatened to kill him."

The words came out easily. Then quickly (he could finally defend!) he looked right into Carol, earnestly—"I didn't mean it. I swear to God I didn't mean it. I was just desperate. I feel so horrible for saying that shit—" Pulse quickened he swallowed back a small sob.

"What were you feeling desperate about?"

"Aw, fuck. Um. If he told anybody…"

"Told anybody what?"

The room felt very close and Karofsky was about to explode

"That…"

(Explode)

* * *

Night and Karofsky couldn't sleep.

(All he would ever fucking dream about was

that stupid fucking)

He crept towards the familiar couch and television set. There watching an old Golden Girls episode was (sucked in relieved, happy air!) Rob, Rob was there

Karofsky smiled, Dave smiled

"Hey," Dave said, somewhat shyly, though maybe he was just fucking tired

"Hey, man!" Rob looked pleased to see him.

Karofsky felt accomplished to have his happiness, to feel that Rob liked him even though he knew and he saw Karofsky fucking cry like some slobbering baby…

"So…" Dave sat on the couch, right next to Rob. "I fucking _told_ _Carol_, everything." He grinned stupidly, proudly. Look Ma No Hands

Rob stood up, Dave stood up. Both smiling, Dave unsure.

Rob hugged him roughly.

After a few seconds,

Karofsky set his hands on Rob's back, hugging him back. Warm.

Safe. Safe. _Safe_.

Still in the hug, Karofsky mumbled out, "She said I should tell my parents. But…I…" his voice broke slightly, "I just fucking can't. Yet."

Yet. What a strange word.

"Oh, David…" Rob broke the hug, looked straight into him. "It's okay. It's all okay. You tell them whenever _you_'re ready for it, okay?"

Feeling young, foolish, and giddy, Dave nodded. This was the sort of advice he'd wanted.

"Did you look at that brochure I gave you?"

He looked down, shook his head.

"That's okay. Even if you threw it away. But I really think going to a meeting or two would be a wonderful experience."

Dave still couldn't exactly look at him.

"Even if you want to come back here in the dead of night and get me to come with you. And I'm totally here for you, by the way. Just promise me you'll really think about it…?"

Karofsky licked his lips, eyebrows knit together. "It's just…hard. It's just really fucking hard to think about doing something like that."

Rob nodded calmly.

Pause.

"You wanna play Speed?" Rob gestured towards the table.

"Is that…a card game?"

"Sure is. I got the hospital a nice new deck of cards, aren't I sweet! You up for it?"

"Yeah…I guess. You just gotta teach me."

"No problemo. I'll deal the cards."

* * *

Karofsky called up to Carol's office

Impromptu therapy session? But as he reached for the door handle

His heart began pounding and suddenly he _knew_, as he flung open that door to

See Carol sitting on her own couch, with—

With—

With his _parents_ sitting across from her. His parents OH FUCKING GOD

OH MY GOD (He lost his breath, he feels faint, his fists clench and his jaw tightens and OH) FUCK THAT BITCH—

Carol looks into Karofsky's eyes (Are You Serious Right Now You Bitch Fuck You I'm Not Gay I'm Not Gay No They Can't Think) Her dark eyes bore into his.

Knowing. Deep. She nods at him (HE KNEW HE KNEW HE SHOULDN'T HAVE FUCKING _TOLD_ HER) and motions him to sit.

Sweat's everywhere as (She knows EVERYTHING)

He sits down on slick leather.

"So," She began, "Here we are. I have news to share with you, Mr. and Mrs. Karofsky…"


	5. Chapter 5

(every night be here)

* * *

_She said, "You don't understand what I said."_

_I said, "No, no, no you're wrong._

_When I was a boy_

_Ev'rything was right,_

_Ev'rything was right."_

* * *

YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T TELL OH GOD

HE SHOULD'VE RUN HE SHOULD'VE-

Carol paused, taking a breath in. Karofsky was blind

Was paralyzed with astonishment; couldn't fucking

_Look_ at Carol or good fucking LORD his parents-

"Mr. and Mrs. Karofsky," she said once more,

"I must say here that I believe your son is not suicidal

Anymore. I truly trust that he can get to a much

Better place mentally. He is, in my professional opinion,

Ready to leave the hospital, though it is some days earlier

Than we had originally anticipated."

Dave

Shook his head, movement breath coming back

Couldn't think feeling coming smiled (_Carol you fucker..._)

Groaned then smiled glanced at Dad he

Was grinning right at him, pride swelling his eyes shining

With, too, a heavy sadness...

But oh god he was just fucking _relieved_.

Everything in him: lighter lighter lighter

Carol still talking he forgot but everything was is okay now

"So I would like to try out some anger management techniques

With him, definitely. Like I said, once a week would

Be best, I think-do Wednesdays work for you?"

Dad nodded Mom hesitated red lips parting

"Mrs. Dunder-"

"Please, call me Carol."

"Carol, what can you tell us as far as medication goes?

Back to hands face burning a little he knew this would

Happen he did feel a bit weird still always would about

This shit (and what was that about-classes?)

Carol shook her head. "Well, we'll keep him on the antidepressants we

Had him taking here, but soon enough I think we can

Ween him off of any medication."

Concern still etched across Mom's face.

"We'll monitor closely as the weeks progress.

So-David," Carol turned to him he felt her stare

Looked back "Are you ready to collect your things, and go home?"

* * *

Dave Karofsky stepped outside of the hospital

Blue blue sky vast and huge all around him

Wind breezing past his cheeks he doesn't like to get

All fucking poetic or whatever but he can't help but

Feel free strange strange freedom

His chest flutters and maybe things can be different

He is different

* * *

"We were so worried about you"

"We love you, David. So much."

Her voice breaks she hugs Dad hugs

Dave's eyes wet but surges of happiness

Of belonging of love of love

"We're so happy to have you back"

"I love you"

"I love you, too. I'm so sorry-" his voice breaks

"I'm so sorry-I'm so sorry-"

"We're so happy you didn't-"

You didn't-

Minutes, hours, warm silence.

Chest bursting heart soaring hurting

"I love you guys so much." Face burning

They don't look at each other

They don't can't and maybe none of these

Things were really said but they did

Hug and cry and tears sobs raw

Sniffling, Mom first breaks apart

"I made burgers, your favorite..."

"Really? Thanks." Dad lets go "I'm so hungry..."

Normal, but maybe a better normal

(Still-now is not the right time to tell,

He loves them too much to tell)

* * *

_Oh, but anyway, Toto, we're home – home! _

_And this is my room – and you're all here – and _

_I'm not going to leave here ever, ever again, because _

_I love you all! And... oh, Auntie Em, there's no place like home!_

* * *

Steps into bedroom

One glance and abruptly everything

Is white gone searing chest collapsing

Air-oh FUCK oh fucking GOD AIR

AIR AIR AIR AIR AIR AIR

He comes to

He's fine, he's fine, he's fine but

Everything's the same, save his bed sheets and

(Where's the-)

It was as though

It never happened

He walks erratically out

His insides are all strange, goofy

He doesn't want to go to bed or stay in there or breath that air

And plus he

Well

His eyes naturally

Fell on that stupid fucking wedding topper,

Too

* * *

Nothing. His days are nothing (and pills). No school no friends not

Quite sure of anything (scared) checked Facebook a billion

Notifications logged out didn't reply look at them but friended

Mitch and Jackie (were they back home yet?) felt

Slightly accomplished

Checked his phone a billion text messages no voice

Messages that's how it is these days he's about to delete them

But scrolling down sees something from Az clicks it

"Wher r u bro dnt go all cobain n me hur"

That was from

Two days Before

* * *

Reclinin' with Pop watching some baseball game

(29's pants fit his ass nicely, Dave noted silently)

Feels more or less relaxed grunts, comments here there but suddenly commercial and volume down low and

Silence. Normally this would be cool or whatever

Dave just had to go for a fucking Kodak moment, he felt close and

Maybe some part of him wanted to ruin shit? Or his Dad just

Needed to know the truth-truth kind of well the truth about

"Dad," He got out, tearing nervously at the little root beer paper thingy

"I just wanted you to know-" feel Dad's eyes, intent "That-"

Karofsky cleared his throat. Not good at this, looking

At root beer intently (how fucking _fascinating_!)

"That kid, Kurt Hummell. I did...you know...bully him."

Licks lips, glances up

Dad gazing curiously at him

"I know, David." After some time

"You know, as a kid I did the same thing,"

Karofsky burned inside with a curious mix of feelings but mostly this weird sting.

"I bullied some of those gays real bad. And...you know what?"

Eyes meet, Dave blushes licks lips again

"I felt so..._awful_ about it all.

I know you can better than that, David. I don't know what got into you...

But you know you can right those wrongs." Gave a curt, approving nod

Dave grimaced internally took a hefty handful of Cheetos

"Just had to get that out there."

Dad just nodded again clicking t.v. volume up game just came back on

Later, another commercial:

"David, do you think you're ready to go to school tomorrow?"

(Concern)

Dave looks straight at him then away

Nothing has been so bad he is different-right?

He's a reformed monster...

(He missed Az he missed hanging with the guys

Fuck it but he genuinely misses McKinley)

"You know what? Yeah. I'm...ready."

Silence, then

"I'm proud of you, son. And I know you'll

Catch up in your studies-you're smart enough."

Blushes "Thanks."

Hell he's not smart he just does his homework

But still-he's _proud_...!

* * *

Night before Big McKinley Comeback

Works out probably put on weight you know

Pumping sweet iron loves satisfaction of sweat feels

Strong and fucking awesome iPod blasting

Music it's on shuffle and it arrives on Thriller, he grins broadly he's out there running onto that field he grips more tightly heaves with more gusto and hell he's in his element

Something else blends in with the music,

Though, voices and Dave pauses sits up earbuds out to see

Azimio and football guys, they all look so so

So wonderfully familiar and Dave used to dread seeing them

And he had these past days weeks but not that now now he's

Az sees him "David Karofsky! In the flesh! You're back, man?"

There's some awkwardness but he's

"Fuck this exercise shit, we gotta go to Mickey D's to celebrate my man Dave's arrival!"

But he's happy, he and Az grab hands the ever homosexually hetero bro hug after a few seconds pulls away

"Well hot damn, you're sweaty as hell!"

"It's so good to see you."

"...Good to see you, too."

Az didn't want to ask a billion shitty questions but Dave could see something else maybe (frustration) dwelled in his eyes (sad)

This McDonald's run would likely be weird

Dave was tired but hell if he wasn't up for it, hell if he wasn't giddy to hang with the guys.

* * *

"And then I was like, AWWW, SHIIIIIITT!"

Laughter heaving Dave can't get air Azimio's tearing up himself

McDonald's workers glancing at them as it's night they're loud

"Jesus, Brent, that was some fucked-up story," Az wheezed out

"You always pull off the weirdest shit when you're wasted," Dave said, laughs slowly subsiding to chuckles.

Some Lil Wayne ringtone went off, all tinny

Brent glanced down, a text

"Fuck. Guys, I gotta go. I think my parents found the weed."

"Damn, isn't this the second time?" Dave asked

Brent nodded as he slid out of the sticky booth seat. "But what can you do?"

"I don't know-how's about not smoke weed? You're fucking stupid." Dave chuckled out.

A pause, Az and Brent both hesitate to stare at Karofsky he never

Even remotely opposed people like that

Just a pause, and

Brent Az laughed, too. "Yeah. Well, what else are you gonna do when you're stuck in a hellhole like Lima."

"Ain't that the truth," Az said dramatically shaking his head Brent already out the door, now all the other jocks are gone

Now just Karofsky and Az, sitting across from each other

Dave licks lips Az looks at him

"You know, marchin' the halls of McKinley wasn't the same without the Fury."

Chuckled in reply

"Seriously. I can't get away with shit without The Fury Intimidation Factor, dude."

"Hell. I missed you, too. You're kinda…" glanced up "my best friend, Zee."

"Me, too."

They smiled at each other for a kind if uncomfortable moment then Az

"Aw, are we gonna make BFFL bracelets now and shit?"

"You know it, girlfriend!" Jokingly jokingly

"Dude that is just too gay," Az chuckled Dave looked down

Something in him stuttered

"Are you really better?" Az broke the quiet seconds

Was he?

"Yeah," got out finally. "Yeah, I am." Things felt okay.

"Dude. What the fuck happened to you?" Asked fondly he knew

Well no he didn't and he probably had to say it, didn't he

"We're pretty much cool no matter what, right?"

Azimio nodded.

Silence. Building up courage. He had to say it this time

"Just so long as you don't come out as a fairy or some shit, right? Pull a Fancy and go all Gaga drag?" Azimio cackled.

Then

Everything

Drained

Face paled

Heart plummeted

Fuck

Fuck

FUCK

He thought he

Could but

"What the fuck?" Az was staring at him, eyes widening

He couldn't look eyes darkened couldn't speak

"Are you playin' with me? You're not a fag, right?"

Quiet. Look at hands everything shaking

"For real. I'm on fucking Punk'd or something—" Azimio honestly looked around, chuckling nervously

Fought back tears they welled in his chest shit felt like a girl this felt so fucking bad how did he do that back at the hospital how did the pieces fit together

"Fucking talk. Jesus. You ain't come back from the hospital to be all bipolar-depressive-some-shit again."

Silence.

"Man, I ain't dealin' with this shit. And that's just seriously fucking gross. They just messed up your shit over there. I _know_ you, dude. You fucking like chicks. Just get over this weird-ass stuff." Azimio walked away hands in letterman pockets head down muttering "Fucking creepy"

(Oh)

Quickly Dave's sadness morphed into

Into dark black into churning oceans of into

Into anger. Into fucking RAGE.

Karofsky would do it all over again.

He hated Rob he hated Mitch he hated Carol he hated Jackie he hated the fucking art therapist he hated his parents he hated the stupid McDonald's he fucking hated that

They let him believe they

Fuck they let

They let him believe everything would be fucking _okay_.

Like liking other dudes was actually fucking cool with them or some shit.

His fists clenched he sobbed sitting there for some time he hated and raged and cried and drowned and his soul had a gaping piercing hole

FUCK. And

(And he cried because all he had wanted for so fucking long was to hold

Was to hold _his_ hand and walk down the hallway)

Tears fell for all the nights he felt

Weird and wretched for jacking off to some dude

For glancing and hoping and waiting and all the nights that

He prayed to God to just make him anything other than

And he sobbed cried because

All of this fucking shit he felt and They told him it wasn't true they

Made him feel halfway okay like it could all fucking _work out,_ right? He

Cried because he believed their lies, because everything there had felt so possible, because he didn't have to be (the bad guy) and now

Now he had to hide once more

(Alone)


	6. Chapter 6

_(thank you so much for your kind words)_

* * *

_When there's nobody there,_

_What does he care?_

_All the lonely people, where do they all come from?_

_All the lonely people, where do they all belong?_

* * *

He didn't want to fucking go to school.

God damn it why

Why did he tell fucking Dad he was fucking _going_

He didn't want to think he didn't want to breathe

(And his stomach twisted he wanted to burst when he

Thought about how about how Azimio probably told the whole fucking team.

Everybody. Would they know? They would know and he'd oh FUCK his life was ending)

He took in a few breaths because he wanted to fucking punch somebody

This is not how he envisioned it

(Still, he still feels different)

But what's different if Fancy's still afraid and he's now a fucking fag to everybody—

To fucking _EVERYBODY_.

Shame welled up within him and he was heavy like lead.

But he had to go.

He had to fucking go.

He had promised Dad.

* * *

Weird being back in those halls

Weird silences people stare at him unabashed like he's a fucking animal (monster)

He used to thrive off of intimidation but this is different and also

Fucking also there were these random chicks getting all weepy and people coming up to him like "Let's be friends now, YAY"

Everything felt gross and lonely

Including in him him himself

(So far

(THANK YOU LORD ALMIGHTY)

They didn't seem

To _know_.)

* * *

Az-Azimio walking down the hallway

Talking to some chick trying to get the girl out on a date

"C'mon, baby!" He was smiling laughing as was she but for different reasons

Azimio didn't even

Didn't even glance Dave's way

His eyes stung and he swallowed his throat was dry

Nothing within him wanted to talk to Azimio. He didn't want to know if the guys knew fuck it he was too scared fear crept through his bones no FUCK he DIDN'T

WANT TO KNOW.

"Bitch," he muttered under his breath. Stupid fucking Az.

Hands clenched, unclenched.

He did wish that he could be that straight guy Zee thought he could be.

But he knew. He was so tired from trying. That.

* * *

Bell rang, students filed out in a heated frenzy. Dave stays behind

"I need to catch up. Do you have...you know, the homework I missed?"

"David, you honestly need to pull off a lot to get back the A you had last semester. I don't know if you can catch up, to be frank. This is Calculus. You're smart-but you stopped trying, and now that's really gonna bite you in the butt."

"Well...I'll try now."

"Yeah, you better try. It's your junior year, you know. So," Mr. Clark's eyes widened glanced him up down (fucking douchebag) "I hope you mean it when you say you'll take this class more seriously."

"I was going through some stuff, _okay_?"

"David..." he gave an exasperated sigh, pushed his glasses up further, "We're all going through _some stuff_. You just have to work past that."

Glowering glare. For once now he wanted the fucking sympathy.

* * *

Abruptly his

Heart pounded body stammered fluttered his hands got all clammy jaw tightened stomach clenched a glance and

Aw...

_Fuck_. (cringe) This spot here was where he

Used to see him,

Everyday, same time

You know, before

He transferred.

* * *

"Mrs. Jorger—I was wondering if you could give me all the chapter packets I missed."

"You missed two tests, too. The whole Cold War unit, I'm afraid."

"Yeah, I heard."

"Well, it might take awhile. But David—you're one of my best students. I don't know what happened with you, but I'll be here to help you with whatever you need, to make sure you get your grade back up."

Smiled a little smile "Thanks, so much." His voice breaks a little break

* * *

For some days now he'd stuck it alone. People got it they moved away. Still stares though. Everyday.

Still hadn't talked to any of the jocks. Still didn't fucking _know_.

(Better not knowing) (Didn't want to think jinx it but

Maybe

Azimio didn't tell)

* * *

Down way down the hallway saw Brent some other guys

Laughing headed his way he ducked headed left down music corridor

(Nowhere near his Junior Gym class, but needed escape, he was late already anyway)

Hears

Music

_Singing_ and forgets everything

The sound blends so perfectly it swells so magically can't help himself he's paralyzed listening

Suddenly too late hears someone from inside approaching the door he's just fucking standing there

As the door opens voices become sharp clear he bends down, tying an invisibly undone shoelace

Hudson with his long legs hurries out sees Dave looking like an idiot

Hesitates, tosses weird glance at the crouched over Karofsky—

He rushes away. Dave stays still for a few seconds more, until the singing stops and that Spanish guy proclaims, "Great job, you guys! -"

Gets up he's way too late for Gym but all he can think about

Are those voices, so strong...

It took a few seconds to register then abruptly end silent but

He'd been humming on his way over to the lockers

* * *

"What is this vampire shit?"

Turned the corner heard saw Az raggin on that one goth chick from Glee Club

Laughing at her she's rigid fearful there's this venom in his voice

"You wanna see some blood?" Holds up his fist and

Guilt shame darkness floods Karofsky since that was him weeks months ago he's overcome because

He doesn't know if Zee's joking or not—sad thing is, though, he's probably _not_ that's fucking _stupid_—she's blinking back tears now—

"STOP." He's suddenly feet away from them staring right into Azimio

Az's eyes widen mouth open he's too shocked (Karofsky loves it but is) too angry right now to fucking care

"What's the point? Don't do that shit. Just..._don't_." Blank on black eyes

Azimio swallows (he could out Dave right now but instead he)

Retreats swivels around walks away still he's shaking his head then Dave hears it, just barely, deep and low

"Fucking fag."

(Oh)

Like a spear piercing through him.

Jaw clenched.

He knows what it means,

Now

Coughs lightly looks back at Asian chick

"You okay?" He got out gruffly

Her mouth's agape, too she lets out a small "Yes"

Dave turns around storms away

It feels nice and warm still he feels _pissed_ but that morning

He'd put the cake topper (yeah, the fucking _cake topper, whatever_) in his backpack and he'd

Never forget. Didn't want to let his Dad down and

Didn't want to be that guy

Anymore

He knows what it means,

Now

* * *

Alone after working out Dave is angry he knows all those idiotic

Breathing techniques (okay, Carol, they're not that but) he wants to be angry just now he's thinking of

Azimio and thinking of how fucking awful he was he _was_ Azimio with Azimio saying all of that stupid shit the adrenaline from lifting weight still there still potent

No one's there and

He punches a locker

It's not his it's so close though to exactly where

He'd hit when those blue eyes pushed him away when he was that guy when

He was so open and (pushed thrown away) and that's when he knew

He punches the locker four times then stops his hand is bleeding a little

There's a dent (noticeable) but what the fuck

Right now he doesn't want to control his fucking temper he knows he should it kills him a little inside but

His past still haunts him and he's different

But he's not

But he's still

(Alone)

* * *

Literature class he drifts a little bit everyone's dead silent reading

Lost in a word or two then sentence fucking eloquent pretentious shit it's too fucking much sometimes

P.A. crackles on and a familiar voice blares out:

"Would David Karofsky please come down to my office?"

Everyone looks at Dave he feels doesn't see the stares begins collecting his stuff puts on backpack

P.A. crackles on again:

"This is Principal Figgins," It added, as though there were oodles of bumpy Indian accents at McKinley High

Dave rushed out of the quiet room, halfway relieved only curious about being called when

He remembered the locker room

Probably calling him because of the fucking dent. Do they have a camera or some shit in there? Wait, that's illegal-right-

Damn it nervously he starts inventing some sort of story.

"I talk to lockers, it _wanted_ to be punched..."

Yeah-fuck it.

But his heart doesn't stop hammering as it turns the corner into Figgins' office...


	7. Chapter 7

I'm going to stop the whole "lyrics" thing as it gives me additional stress.

I do obviously read the reviews and I just want to thank all of you. Criticisms are okay, too, by the way. I want to make this story awesome for everybody, so if there's something that seems off or whatnot, let me know, I don't mind!

Thank you, and here you go.

* * *

They were all staring straight at him he felt uneasy

Figgins, Senor Schue, and that goth chick looked at him with a curious energy

Dave blushed, heart pounding—what was happening here?

Things felt to vulnerable. Still, slowly, Karofsky took a seat, searching their eyes for some sort of answer.

He gulped.

The goth girl…okay, her name was like something with a T…she smiled at him, and in a quiet voice said, "That was really awesome, standing up to Azimio like that."

?

"What are we here for?" Maybe rudely but more warily. This couldn't be some stupid Congratulations-for-having-balls-for-a-few-seconds-and-standing-up-against-your-only-friend Party.

Or could it? Spanish dude gonna whip out a fucking champagne bottle and they'll sing a couple dance numbers, the four of them?

Schue cleared his throat. "David, we want you to join Glee Club."

Immediately Karofsky rose from his seat. No Fucking Way Jose.

His social situation was hell already, he didn't need another fucking element of Loserdom. And they would all know Karofsky was fucking gay if he joined…Right?

No, he couldn't.

And, even more than this "You guys hate me," he muttered out, shaking his head. Maybe he did give up the bullying shit but still didn't want the shit beat out of him by Glee members, that's a little too fucking sad

(Even so just a glance just a subtle hope like somehow it didn't have to be true)

"Karofsky…" the girl whispered out, "you haven't slushied anybody in months. You're not a bully anymore."

Stood there, silent, face red. Can't sit look run walk move talk (is he a wus now?)

"And," she continued, "I…know what it's like to be depressed." Her voice abruptly became loud in the quiet office. "Glee Club…" she glanced at Schue, sharing a smile, "really helped me out. Glee is the best thing to ever happen to me."

Eyes shining Dave wanted to say so many things to her…_you, too?_

Silence. In the awkwardness Dave reluctantly sat back down on the couch.

Asian seemed to stutter for a second then kept talking. "Glee is a place for all of us outcasts. You could be a part of our family. It'd be awesome." Her features looked soft and proud simultaneously.

She sat back the Spanish guy started up. "David, the kids have noticed you stopped picking on people, for awhile now. I just want to say…your voice is _amazing_. You could help us win Nationals. You could really have a future here."

Goth chick piped up again. "We set this meeting because you wouldn't ever come down to the choir room. I…when you stood up to Azimio…you're a good person, Karofsky. I know that everyone else can see it."

Why were they being so nice?

Dave looked down at his hands, licked his lips once twice

Was he really that fucking good? This was too weird, especially considering the millions of ways in which he wanted to fucking say…YES I WANT

TO FUCKING BE IN GLEE CLUB

After a few moments, the goth chick spoke, for a final time: "Do you remember performing at halftime? It was so much fun…"

No—NO—Why had they forgotten about—

"Do you remember how I beat up Hummell? That wasn't so much fun," he said icily. He needed to ruin it they were being too nice he bore into their surprised eyes now they could fucking see the monster

(why was he choosing Aloneness why fuck) He looked around him quickly through the glass walls as if people in the hallway could hear him were listening or some shit.

"I just…" he sighed, stood up. "I just…" couldn't say anything grabbed his backpack walked out hurriedly needed to get the fuck out of there Figgins' voice defeated calling, "Dave, you must come back," he felt them the three staring at his back and his own indecision within him sinking like a stone.

* * *

It was night, and for the first time since the hospital Dave couldn't sleep

Perhaps because he was so tired in the days coming back, but

He only noticed tonight that his parents opened the door while he slept

Light flooding in, anxious dark figures watching for moments minutes hours

They left and he fell back to dreaming yet the door

Remained ajar, careful hallway light

* * *

"Dude."

Dave shut his locker to see Hudson staring straight at him

"I heard about you maybe joining Glee Club," Finn continued, searching Karofsky's eyes face turned stone Fuck No He Wasn't Maybe Joining before he could reply—

"That's cool and all. But I'm standing by what I said before. You have to apologize to Kurt." He stared further Dave looked at him quickly looked down around nodded ever so slightly heart falling he couldn't talk about This

"I'm just worried about what the guys'll say. If I join," stammered out. Damn it why did he admit to wanting to fucking join? To Hudson, of all…

Finn sighed. "Well, I don't know if you've noticed, but _the guys_ are dicks. Besides, I don't even see you hanging around them lately."

He hardened with the shame of social failure. His mind blocked out the fact his secret was out there.

"Look," Finn's voice softened, "I know it sucks, trying to be cool or whatever. I get it. I used to be that guy. But…in Glee Club? You don't have to worry about that shit. You can be whatever you wanna be." Dave looked around him there could be some freshman or something listening in "Plus," Hudson added, "we need some new male vocals. Mr. Schue said you kinda rock at singing."

Karofsky's heart soared and plummeted

"Finn…I." He sighed out. What the fuck, it was already out there. "Hell, I want to join, _okay_? _Happy_? And…" playing nervously with his hands "I feel…so fucking bad about all the stuff I did to…Kurt." His voice minutely stammered to say the name. "It's just…tough."

Hudson probably thought he was talking about Glee being popular the guys and all that shit not about

Seeing talking hearing—and how could an apology ever make up for all that shit he pulled, anyway? (How could he finally face the fact that he could _never_…)

Hudson placed a hand firmly on Karofsky's shoulder (fucker not that that feels condescending in _any_ way…)

"Kurt deserves an apology." Simple, direct, eyes flashing fiercely.

He walked away.

* * *

Spanish class everyone swimming out Dave as usual behind the pack alone

"David," Schue's voice stopped him. "Have you given any thought to joining Glee Club?"

Dave looks around him quickly then swallows his throat is tight

"Hud—Finn said I kinda have to talk to Kurt, first."

Schue's eyes gave nothing away so he continued

"You know…to apologize."

The teacher paused, propping up his head with a hand

"Why don't you say sorry?" Voice quieter lowered "David, you are different. I know you have it in you. You're a good kid."

Suddenly Karofsky wanted to cry or sob or some shit

Fought the feeling valiantly and ended up just coughing out the surge in his chest

"I don't know where to start. I—" looking everywhere but Schue—"I feel awful about what I did to him. I really do." In the silence decided Schue believed him he better believe him "But I don't know what to say or anything. Or if I…or if I _could_ say anything."

"Hm…" Schue nodded intently. "Well, you know the kids sometimes have that same problem…maybe…you could find a song to help you out. Sometimes it's best to just sing what you feel."

* * *

Taps his pencil numbers blur together fucking Calculus

He used to have his shit together but sitting at his desk nothing made sense

What was the next fucking step to take? He'd been sitting here at the same problem

For fucking forever. Didn't know any options didn't get all the fucking variables

Didn't want to go get help from a teacher who didn't think he could pull shit together

The answer was probably so easy to solve, too

Sighed

* * *

Shuffling down the hallway weeks ago he would've been with the guys

Slushies undoubtedly in hand laughing he would've felt so comfortable and

Months ago Fancy would've been there and it would have been before the (that)

And Dave could sneak a look at him and nobody knew really nobody knew

And in a strange way back then he was kinda happy when the guys called Kurt a chick and shit because somehow that made him heterosexual

Karofsky now grinned at his stupid hopes, his stupid life

Down the hallway caught a flash of bright blue looked up to see

Asian chick. Except unlike everyone else (eyes down) she caught his gaze

And smiled—first slightly off-guard, then brightly

Fucking weird.

(Dave grinned back)

* * *

Dave logged into Facebook (wasn't ever gonna reply to all those notifications that came during the hospital and all that shit didn't want to relive pity or any stupid shit virtually) saw that

Mitch had written on his Wall.

"dude wanna hang out tonite?"

It was posted maybe a half hour ago.

Excited, surprised and happy he grabbed his phone and dialed Mitch's cell

He felt normal

* * *

David drove back home lazily after playing videogames for a few hours with Mitch

Windows down he felt more relaxed than he had been in awhile

Switching stations even as he sloped into his driveway

Paused to hear fuzzy guitar riffs the station had a bad signal yet his ears perked

He knew this song it hit a bulls-eye within him he sat in his truck paralyzed

Tried to figure the name or even band name out couldn't song ended

Commercials drifted on (why don't they say the name of every song? Jesus)

Luckily he was at home, though, he rushed inside so as not to forget the lyrics

Googled that shit up and (he found it! Thank Lord Almighty for the sweet relief of the virtual world! Fuck yes) he listened to it over and over again got chills everytime because

-Oh good GOD. Because this was _the song_.

This was The Song. He wanted to shout and run and hug somebody because he knew inside he knew that he had to sing this song to _him_ that he could fucking sing it everything felt so _right_ the guitar twanged and tweaked within him

He smiled laughed began to hum-sing along with it even though it was painful he felt freer this felt honest and real and he understood why the Glee nerds sang all the fucking time he understood

In the middle of the billionth time listening to it the doorbell rang downstairs, piercing

Mom called up from the kitchen "DAVE! Can you get the door?" Hands tied up as usual creating some elaborate dish no doubt

Still on an emotional high he pounded down the stairs and threw open the door with a certain gusto—

To meet two solemn blue eyes staring right at him.

He didn't have time to breathe or think before Kurt began talking.


	8. Chapter 8

I made the outline for the rest of the story, and it took forever because I'm rather indecisive…there are so many paths to take.

Some of the grammatical mistakes made here are intentional; some are ridiculously awful, especially to go by unnoticed; alas, I look back and cringe. I must trust you can handle the various errors found in all of my entries.

Thank you to whomever reads this.

* * *

"I know," Kurt breathed out "you're wondering why I'm here right now—

I am, too. I'm usually not this…impulsive. Except…at Dalton today they had this elaborate presentation about

Bullying and suicide and suddenly I think everything became clearer, in a way."

He paused for a quick moment Dave found his breath again

Couldn't stop staring staring at this beautiful boy he was here, he was _here_—

"I had heard about your…attempt. After Finn told me about it, I just felt really disconnected from everything. It's weird—I would have thought I wouldn't be so affected, but I was, almost to a state of paralysis," he stopped again, choking on a nervous weak laugh "kidding, of course! Then this presentation happened today, and…Blaine tried to talk me out of it, but I needed to…do this."

Pale small hands thrust forward a crinkled letter without an envelope, thin and fragile paper waving shaking

"I wrote you a letter. Obviously. You don't have to read it, but…" he could feel Kurt's stare trying to beckon his own dark eyes from the ground and the letter and outside really anywhere other than those entrancing blue

"If you're hurting like I think you're hurting…or were, I don't know…despite everything, I want to help. I didn't know if I could talk to you at all, honestly, so all that I want you to hear is in the letter."

Dave looked at the letter, folds at the corners living their own dainty weariness he oh fuck it just was (too much) he

Broke down, face red grabbed the paper gruffly as if to rough away any vulnerability no he wasn't fucking crying he's a guy after all

(He burned with a rawness)

"I…Kurt—I'm…so _sorry_."

His eyes flit upwards to meet Kurt's instead he notices the car idly waiting idly holding a waiting Blaine inside

He frowned. Hardened.

Those blue blue eyes looked at him curiously, unreadable

"I…understand." Blue glass

The two stood there Kurt on the front porch Dave standing just inside

The world paused Karofsky's fucking scared as hell as his fuzzy brain tries to decipher what _understand_ meant really meant but couldn't think just (blue)

"I need to go," Kurt says shortly, turning swiftly retreating to the car saying something quick to Blaine before pulling out and

Dave stands there, envelope clutched in his pudgy clammy hand

He realized only then how heavily his heart had been hammering.

(Kurt was there here)

* * *

_When I left Dalton, I thought I hated you. Perhaps this isn't the best way to begin this letter, but it's the simple truth that I didn't have the receptiveness to see anything deeper than the danger you posed for me. I didn't know what to think of you. But I'm thinking now that we're more alike than I had originally thought, and you're truthfully not a threat to me._

_I heard of your suicide attempt. The news of this sent me into a strange wave of depression I can't quite describe. However, now I feel I must tell you of this among other things, due to the presentation I saw today. It affected me greatly, to a point at which I realized I didn't or couldn't hate you anymore. Former bullies talked to us about guilt that haunted them their entire lives…and one boy who committed suicide kept this journal wherein he confided his life was nothing more than a series of fake, fearful actions…_

_Dave, I understand to some extent the desperation you feel or felt; though it may shock you, even I felt the strain to wear a heterosexual mask. Though mostly for my father than anyone else, I put all of my energy into being someone I'm not and truly did not want to be._

_But I fought past that—and you can, too. I just hope you know that you should just come out with the truth, because the results are bound to be much more beneficial than you may have anticipated. Trust me—as a teenager from "The Other Side," I can tell you that you will feel a million times freer being who you alone want to be._

_Please, if you wish to confide in me, contact me in whatever way you see best. Though it may seem rather strange, at least at first, for me to help you out—after all, we're polar opposites on many levels—in certain important ways we are really quite similar. I think that, in an odd sort of way, you need my advice—I can feel it in my gut that I can help you out, somehow._

_This is probably the most poorly written letter on the planet, but I am quite simply feeling a whirlwind of emotions right now. I implore you to seriously consider coming to me with any problems or concerns or even just for support. I am willing to work past our history, if you're willing to be open to change._

* * *

Dave read the letter one final time then looked out the window, sky grey

The back of his mind heard a static-ridden song and everything else in him held churning uncertainty.

(He knew he didn't deserve this fucking letter)

And yet, he felt it he felt the need but why did he have to need him, of all people

Why couldn't it be anybody else, why did he have to see Kurt now the feelings felt

Uncontainable inconsolable wild overwhelming fuck

His thumb ran over a particular ceramic ridge to a little bride's dress, again and again as he thought (he didn't deserve it)

* * *

Woke up three in the morning sleep doesn't revive there's a buzzing in him and he doesn't want to look at that letter for the fucking millionth time so Dave clumps downstairs to the kitchen—

"Mom?" Throatily croaks out, she's sitting there at the table, in all of her tattered pink bathrobed glory, hugging a cup of tea, no makeup she blearily

Looks up at Dave "Hey there, hon," she looks tired as though she's just come out of a fog "Can't go back to sleep?"

"Yeah."

"Mm. Same here. Sleep isn't my forte as of late." Cheerfully enough

Heart sinking he well knew why she couldn't fucking sleep (shame)

"Do you want a cup of tea?" She asks, he sits down next to her careful not to let the kitchen chair squeak

"That sounds good," he remembers the days when he was little and he'd make her tea when she was sick—when did he stop doing that?

"So," she said after setting a steaming cup in front of Dave, voice hushed "I'm going to be such a wreck at the Living Faith meeting tomorrow…" Living Faith was some Christian group she lead at church they met every Saturday to talk about god and god knows what else

Dave nodded.

"What's on your mind, sweetie?"

"Not much," he liked the rough tone his throat had

Pause, silence.

They sip at the tea thoughtfully or sadly Dave's is mildly scalding he still gulps it down in an odd sort of enjoyment, feeling fiery

"What if…I joined Glee club?" Jesus, what inspired that little question to fly right out of him? Fuck

Mom smiled slowly, perking up "Oh…that would be wonderful, David! You know…" she pats his arm, though lost in a memory "I was in Drama Club when I was your age. It was so much fun, standing under those bright lights…hearing the audience and your heart beating like _crazy_…"

She glances at Dave resurfaces "There are plenty of macho guys in show choir, Dave. I would know—I dated one of them for quite some time." She smiles playfully. "He's married off in Wisconsin now, I think, of all places…anyway, you don't want to hear about that!"

Dave scoffed and grinned "Yeah, Mom, as much as I _love_ hearing about your adolescent love life…"

"Oh, you shush! Don't be sassy," she tried to hide a smile and cock an eyebrow. "Anyway, listen: when you performed during your Conference Championship—I'm talking about seeing you run out onto that field during halftime—I couldn't have been more proud of you. If your father could've made it, he would have been just as proud as I was, if not more."

His tongue pulsed with the sting of hot tea, pretending not to be affected and as much as he wanted to he didn't want to believe that Dad, of all people…

Mom reached out running her fingertips over through his hair, then softly

"Do what makes you happy, Dave. Your father and I…we want you to be happy."

He smiled back tenderly, feeling like a child loving feeling like a child

She stood up after a moment to wash her cup out in the sink, clinking it down clean

"Hey," her voice became louder, needing something to lighten brighten the serious moment "I miss seeing Azimio around. You should invite him over one of these days!" Warmly he knew she meant the best she did yet yet

Some part of him broke to hear that name

* * *

"Hey, Señor Schue—" Dave roughly patted his shoulder in the hallway, people shoving them left and right

"I…" his voice lowered glanced around of course quick lick lips then back to his waiting Spanish teacher "I was just wondering if I could meet you in the choir room after school. I…I'd like to sing."

Spanish guy smiled, a Fanciful distance between them.

* * *

Facebook. He'd been sitting staring at a blue white screen for awhile gulping thinking too afraid to click the mouse and oh fuck no Karofsky just fucking go for it, okay

His finger finally hits the fucking button then scurries away he stares in horror at the screen

He just Friended Kurt, simultaneously sending him a message:

"You don't have to accept my request. Could I talk to you at school tomorrow at 3:30? I read your letter."

Here he had paused, uncertain though certainly willing wanting to then

Fuck he just went for it and typed quickly

"Thank you."

He could've typed so much more—

It was done now. How much more _could_ he really say there, anyway

An hour later, Kurt accepted his request, replying

"Yes. Main hallway."

Karofsky wasn't sure if he was incredibly relieved or anxious

Then decidedly, he felt mostly indubitably anxious

For what was to come.


	9. Chapter 9

I highly recommend you listen to any song sung in this story. Google the lyrics which will surely direct you to a place where you can hear the song. I tried to post a hyperlink here, but to no avail and now I'm incredibly frustrated~please, please look up the song! I believe it to make an experience that much better!

* * *

Everything in him bounced buzzed Dave licked his lips clenched unclenched clammy hands licked his lips again

He saw the elegant shadowy figure at the end of the hallway and knew right away who

He blushed as he approached the boy, faced away from him

Words sense stuck in him he couldn't speak this was the first time he saw Kurt in that uniform so fitting and boylike

"Kurt," he got out, the boy turned "follow me."

Hesitation. Dave crunched his eyebrows together, turned, then began to walk in a stuttered sort of fashion. He heard Kurt swish swiftly to Dave's right, shuffling as though proudly alone

He sensed Kurt's surprise as they reached and entered the choir room.

"Look," his eyes met Kurt's gaze for maybe the first real time since, "I'm not exactly the best at speaking, _okay_?" He recovered quickly from the bite that had crept in his voice "Just—the letter…was. Really nice." (He cringed broke more than nice Kurt somehow understood perfectly in a way) "I don't deserve…I just want you to know that—I'll just sing it." Fuck, he wanted to cry again then quickly "I'm sorry."

Everything that had seemed so incredibly right with this song _The_ fucking _Song_ now sounded too personal too silly it was off and jittery he didn't know if he could

_"I think you've got it, Dave," Schue patting his shoulder earlier_

He shoots a look at the piano dude, nodding once his heart oh his heart fucking sweating everywhere no don't think about that shit not now

Dave closed his eyes. Breathed. The music began.

* * *

_I'm not a perfect person_

_There's many things I wish I didn't do_

_But I continue learning_

_I never meant to do those things to you_

_And so I have to say before I go_

_That I just want you to know_

_I've found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_And the reason is you_

_I'm sorry that I hurt you_

_It's something I must live with everyday_

_And all the pain I put you through_

_I wish that I could take it all away_

_And be the one who catches all your tears_

_That's why I need you to hear_

_I've found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_And the reason is you…_

_And the reason is you…_

* * *

Some sort of fire lit inside and he opened his eyes to meet Kurt's

Staring caring in those few moments he communicated everything he allowed himself the openness because it was a fucking song it was just a fucking song it was fucking _everything_ he would smile

But he didn't quite couldn't exactly yet didn't stop looking at Kurt 'til the blue eyes broke away, probably uncomfortable

He didn't have time to consider however improper his genuine gaze was his bubbling confidence was

He followed the _impulse_, and from there on,

Everything would change, would alight with a fire he now knew as song.

_And the reason is you._

* * *

"I feel like shit for what I did to you. And I really fucking felt it the worst when I. Pulled the trigger." Breathe in out "I know, so much now…how much that shit hurts," Azimio "I'm not gonna bully anybody. Ever again. Fanc—Kurt. Kurt, I did all that because I was just so fucking _scared_. Back then I didn't even realize you had such a fucking right to be scared of me, too…"

He couldn't go on without crying so he didn't

"I'm gay," he finally said, deciding to toss out a dark smile

Kurt smiled strangely back at him

"I am gay. I'm gay." He sniffed licked his lips "I can be different, now. I'm going to be different…because of. _You_." Why did he feel so desperate so pleading so ugly

There came a crease to Kurt's brow, a faint but direct nod

For seconds the boy sat there, face ambiguous and thoughtful, eyes glistening

* * *

Dave sat in an empty choir room

Kurt's voice circling in his brain, _"…I hope you can find the right time to come out, soon."_ Then later right before he shuffled out, face red, clutching some designer bag of his "Thank you."

_"Thank you."_

He said it back but somehow…

Weird, he was always so worried about singing, but there, he felt real and he

Felt…_fine_. That was all he could ask for—right?

He said it back but somehow…

The Song wasn't enough perfectly horribly not fucking enough

* * *

A cherry iceberg woke him up, he'd been zoning out walking down the hallway

Slapped right into him (FUCKING COLD AS FUCK) he didn't even see it coming

(He really was at the opposite end of the food chain, now)

Fucking _Brent_ threw a slushy and his eyes stung he didn't feel sad for once no now he was pissed off he felt little clumps of ice falling down his chest back

But that wasn't all

"Hey, heard you singing, Loverboy! Serenading a certain _fashionista_ before getting a hard fuck up the ass, huh?"

The cackling hit him worse than the slushy now slipping down him (he felt like he was melting, all of him)

Still, he could tell that they didn't _know_. The pit of him knew Azimio hadn't wouldn't tell anybody despite everything (everything)

Because really, Azimio hadn't changed he _knew_ Zee (and Dave really hadn't changed, either…he had really only—revolved, maybe)

* * *

Lunch: today Dave went for the meatloaf special, which consisted of a slab of chewy passable-enough meat, mashed potatoes, and Jell-O. Good to go.

But hell food itself wasn't bothering Dave at the moment, no—abruptly the cafeteria seemed to be an enormous zoo wherein he didn't want to sit alone anymore, or with the popular kids his _old friends_ who kind of ignored him but sent whispered remarks trembling towards him then and there and

For once Dave felt quite tiny, and he realized his own loneliness. He thought he didn't mind playing a lone wolf during lunch…but now it was too much too overwhelming in a melodramatic and awful sort of way

He caught someone waving at him excitedly—_Tina_. Confused and almost angry with her kindness towards him he still made his way towards her

"You can sit here," she offered. Lowering her voice, then "I understand a 'Where can I sit?' Look when I see one." Mike to her side nodded sympathetically in that quiet way of his (Dude had been in all of Dave's history classes, never a word)

Reluctantly if happily Dave sat down on the seat, noticing how the other Glee members entirely ignored his presence, talking amongst themselves-except for a sharp, quick glare from Mercedes

(Sinking stone. For a second, he fucking forgot about _that_...)

"Why are you being so nice to me?" He hissed out at Tina, the only one besides Mike really looking at him, this was fucking stupid to sit here, his whole body tensed up he played with the edge of his tray

"Because…" she shrugged absentmindedly, as if the rest of the table didn't bother her "I get your loneliness." Weird part is, Dave didn't think she pitied him

He grinned, if uneasily.

He wondered if maybe Tina was ignored anyway by the rest of the table, she was so soft-spoken.

* * *

Dave poked at his Jell-O tiredly.

"I wouldn't have that if I were you," Tina piped up, with twinkling eyes

"Why not? Jell-O's pretty standard wherever you go, right?"

"You forget: it's McKinley. It honestly tastes like the cafeteria ladies decided to add a few gallons of creativity to it in the form of LYSOL."

"Oh god," Dave choked back a laugh "wait, I thought this was supposed to be cherry-flavored."

"We all did. We all did…" Mike's face looked pained Dave began to chuckle

* * *

He overheard Mercedes one day at the table, talking excitedly with Rachel

"Oh my God, Kurt and Blaine were _so_ cute the other day! You should've seen them—we were at The Lima Bean, right? And—"

"Holding hands, then—"

"I for one am so jealous! Blaine is so hot…"

"I'm just glad Kurt found himself a man! It's about time,"

He only saw Mercedes' smile then eyes flitted away back over to Tina and Mike

* * *

He locked himself in a bathroom stall nobody was in there wanted to

Punch kick scream but but (he couldn't, no) he sucked in and out

Again

Again

Didn't quite work tried Carol's alternate route

Breathe in

Breathe out

"_Relax_…"

Breathe in

"_Relax_…"

Breathe out

Again

Again

Theoretically he felt better

* * *

He checked Facebook

"In a Relationship with Blaine Anderson"

He didn't look at the pictures or the fucking Wall

* * *

Every inch of him fucking sweated he lost all consciousness except for

Lifting the barbell for the thousandth time arms neck chest pumping pulsing

He should feel happy

(Lift)

He should feel changed

(Lift)

"The Reason" came on the iPod shuffle

He struggled, sweaty for his thoughts for Kurt for fucking everything

Alternated between muttering "Fuck" and "Relax"

Until he trembled everywhere

* * *

"Just some quick updates before we let you all run free," Pastor Fred, eyeglasses glinting, smiled as the assembly laughed mildly

Karofsky sat in a clean polo next to an attentive mother and a zoned-out father leg bopping up and down church mass itself was fucking over "Can we go?" He hissed at Mom

Quickly she shook her head, throwing him a glare "It won't be much longer, Dave. Humor me."

His mind drifted

"...And, last but not least," Pastor Fred started up, with his voice getting louder at the end of the churchly updates, as it always did "We're looking for more singers for our choir! There aren't auditions...just bring your good spirits! Practices are every Wednesday!"

Excitedly Mom squeezed Dave's hand, giving him a knowing smile.

_Maybe_...

* * *

Sunday night, sitting at his computer.

Sitting and staring were all he could do had been doing for quite some time

He read one sentence over and over again

Kurt's Facebook status:

"McKinley, here I come!"


	10. Chapter 10

Karofsky walks down the hall with Tina she's going on about some manga series he should start reading

"I don't know, it still sounds like a comic book," he said warily

"But it's an _Asian_ comic book! Trust me, anything Asian is awesome. It's pretty much a proven societal fact by now," she said very seriously, heavily lined eyes widening

"Ehh," despite himself he smiled looking at her serious gaze "Okay, _fine_. I'll try it out. But you gotta teach me how to swear in Japanese, okay?"

"You'll be fluent in Japanese by the time I'm through with you."

"That sounded strangely naught—" his eyes fall on Kurt, at the end of the hallway

Here. McKinley. Same locker same beautiful boy

"Hey!" Tina grinned, they were feet away from Kurt "It's so awesome to have you back, Kurt!"

Kurt turned facing them, grinning though faltering slightly to see Dave along with Tina

Dave felt stupid for considering going into Glee club

But hell at least the kid smiled whereas Before…

"Hey," he muttered out to Kurt "anyone gives you bullshit…let me know, okay?"

Almost playfully serious he cracks his knuckles.

Kurt cocks an eyebrow and this time smiles, really, if a little shocked

"Duly noted," he quipped Tina had already moved on looking ahead Kurt going the opposite direction

"Dude," Tina teased playfully "you sounded like a creepy Mafia boss or something."

Strange instincts or fates tell Dave to turn around and he sees Kurt looking back straight at him

Really, honestly

Time stopped

(Then Kurt quickly snapped back to facing away from him)

* * *

Today Dave went with the fried chicken for basically the first time that year he used to eat that shit everyday sophomore year before he got weirdly paranoid about becoming obese with diabetes and stopped

But whatever, now he had creamed corn with it he figured the meal evened out when paired with a vegetable

The table had an emptiness he couldn't articulate until the question came tumbling out of his mouth:

"Shouldn't Kurt be here?"

Tina looked up at Dave, unconcerned, arm looped around Mike's shoulders

"He has a different lunch," she replied simply.

"Oh."

* * *

Writing and Composition class last hour Dave's slumping eyes glazed in the classroom before everybody else the quicker he is the less likely he'll be slushied

As the bell rings a familiar face floats through the door, taking the only free seat up in front

"_Aw_, did you miss us?" Some nameless pothead wheezed out in a high voice, adding a little wolf-whistle like the cherry on top; Kurt's ears reddened and he ignored the comment altogether

Without even thinking Dave muttered, "It's hard to miss you when a person can smell your little weed stink cloud from six states away."

A slight giggle ran amidst the students Dave couldn't believe he just said that shit out loud—

"Hey Karofsky," pothead smiled back "so I heard you like to sing now. Gonna be the next Barbara Streimand?"

Before he could counter or feel anything other than shame, a soft, short scoff filled the silent second

"Barbara Streisand," said Kurt, slowly swiveling around in his seat to face the pothead in a decidedly serious fashion. "Get it right. She's one of the greats."

Kurt shook his head and laughed, repeating mostly to himself "Streimand…_please_."

It was then he looked at Dave, who smiled to and chuckled, causing Kurt to laugh slightly harder, the knowing look they shared exciting nice

* * *

"We're going to have a project about a controversial topic," Mr. Dorn, Writing and Composition teacher started up "so today I just wanted to get the ball rolling and have a class discussion about some heated topics." There were some self-righteous grunts of approval across the classroom. Dave noticed Kurt's posture straightened with heightened attentiveness "I just want you all to remember to respect other people's opinions…if you don't, I will put an end to the discussion completely. Okey-dokey?"

Everyone nodded, one loud voice replying mockingly "OKEY-DOKEY MR. DORN"

"Now," Dorn continued "I have a bunch of topics in this hat. Who wants to choose the first topic we talk about?" He held out a floppy baseball cap wherein lay itty-bitty scraps of folded paper

Kurt's arm flew upward before anyone else could react

"Alright—Kurt!" the boy's slim fingers stumbled opening the dinky slip of paper

"The death penalty," he read aloud "Well," he sighed out pausing "I, for one, am against it completely. It's just so…primitive. And I happen to believe that everyone deserves another chance."

Greg, sitting two seats down from Dave spoke out "Some people fucked up too much for another chance—"

"_Language_, Greg!" Dorn sighed Greg always swore in class

"They killed other people, I mean _usually_, so it's like karma or whatever, right?" Greg kept going "They don't even suffer like their victims did, you know? If I had it my way I'd have them die in the same gruesome way they chose to kill other people." Students high-fived Greg in agreement

Karofsky hesitated, seriously thinking, hand slowly rising up

"Um…" he said, forming words and gall "an eye for an eye leaves everybody blind…and anyway, I think that in any system, mistakes are made. So why create the ultimate…non-refundable punishment, where there will always be innocent people put to death by our own government? It's sick." He suddenly felt eloquent and powerful…was this how Kurt always felt? It was addictive, this clear, strong feeling in his head…

"_Language_, Dav—"

"I said '_sick_,' not '_shit_.'"

Kurt smiled at him quickly for his answer before turning back around to face Bonnie now arguing against Dave "Well, that's the risk we'll have to take…"

* * *

"Hey," Kurt said softly to Dave after class "thanks for being the only other sane person in our room. I just can't imagine why people believe so vehemently that the government has the right to kill people off."

"No problem. I don't get it, either, you know. The death penalty's pretty fucked up. Like all medieval or some shit. You'd think we'd have learned it's a completely inefficient practice…" This felt weird, just talking to Fancy, he felt weird and nice

"You're surprisingly…cool, Dave Karofsky. And not in the pretentious jock sort of way, either. You seem quite a bit smarter than the average jock."

Dave placed a hand playfully on his chest. "Well, gee. I'm honored."

Kurt laughed a light laugh, looking at him curiously

Dave blushed

* * *

At home Dave realized he longed to sing sometimes he wouldn't fight it and hum under his breath his parents could probably hear him but who cared because

He just _needed_, in his gut his being to sing…Glee Club probably wasn't happening, though. That was Kurt's thing and Dave didn't couldn't go any lower on the social food chain…

Well, mostly there just was the fact that it was Kurt's thing and now that he was back Dave became timid the thought of ever joining now ever distant

"Hey, Mom," he said she was reading a magazine looked up

"I think I'd like to try out being in the choir at church."

"Really?" she beamed "Oh…fantastic! Just drive yourself to the church right after Carol's, then!"

* * *

Writing and Composition project _Find Your Partner_ Time…

Kurt stays in his seat, not turning around

Everybody else chatters happily quickly finding their own duos

He knows who he wants

He lumbers towards Kurt, awkwardly but determinedly

"Do you want to be partners?"

Something in Kurt's eyes hesitated for a second before grinning saying "Yes."

Dave's face burned with silent gratitude, and the two bent over the Project Requirements sheet before tossing back and forth different ideas

* * *

He slumps over his bowl, shoveling Cheerios in his mouth still in a tired stupor

(He had gotten up in the middle of the night and walked around a little bit, some indecision in the pit of his mind)

Dad's quietly skimming the paper as he always does he's quite small in actuality and so the held-up paper hides him rather well

"David…" he cleared his throat, carefully placing down his paper

"What made you so sad, before?"

Dave's heart stopped or started or sank he swallowed his mushy Cheerios

"Dad…I…can't talk about that stuff now. I gotta get to the library." WHY DID HE BRING THAT SHIT UP

"Well," he replied gruffly, "make sure to get those grades up."

Quiet pause, Dave shuffled to the sink quickly washing his bowl out

"Your mother told me you were joining the choir." Dave nodded _fuck_ fearful felt ashamed tried to look like he was forced into it right "I think that's great. Looks good on the resume and does your mother proud—you know she's always wanted you to get involved."

"Yeah," Dave replied, noncommittally. "I figured I should expand my activities outside of the realm of sports. For college and everything."

Dad nodded in manly agreement.

* * *

Dave looked in the mirror before heading out fuck this shirt was fucking _stupid_

It hugged him right where his stomach stuck out too much he looked like a forty-year-old failure or maybe that one pregnant dude, even…it just looked fucking gross

Wincing, Dave quickly searched for that dark blue polo

Last minute couldn't find it threw on his letterman for the first time in what felt like ages, as though he could hide the fact he was a fucking fat-ass.

Didn't have time to look in the mirror headed downstairs placing his hands in its fuzzy pockets and—there was a crumpled something in there Karofsky pulled it out

Recognized the fucker right away it was Rob's brochure…his heart broke, he hadn't seen that thing in forever when did he put it in his pocket?

He glanced around…parents not in sight.

Unfolded it carefully, and really looked at it for the first time.

There was a little schedule on the back: a listing of when the hospital held _those_ sorts of meetings…

This afternoon.

Thoughts clouding and churning he headed to his truck to drive to the library, brochure in hand

* * *

One peek into the library and his heart stopped there Kurt was sitting calmly, paging through some book

He was wearing a deep rose colored shirt, his cheeks with a faint matching shade to them

He looked….so _lovely_…

Dave walked up to him, not wanting to interrupt but he was late as is he licked his lips nervously "I…need to talk with you."

Shock of blue eyes long lashes looked up at him "Yes?"

He licked his lips again and eyes flitted around the library even his whispers felt fucking loud "Not _here_"

Kurt sighed and stood up and the two of them walked out of the library

Urgency pulsed through Karofsky's veins mind clear now

"There's…this _meeting_ that I want to go to. You know…" Kurt understood, nodding "But I just. I need someone to come with me." He looks at Kurt everything pleading and there's this electrical static in those blue eyes his hands twitch

Kurt nods again, smiling "I'll be there."

"It's right now…let's go!"

Kurt stuttered, startled "But we had planned to work on the project…"

Dave swallowed he didn't want to go alone (Alone)

The boy shook his head, "What am I saying? Of course. Let's go."

"Thank you," Dave said as he started the truck,

Relief pouring through him before the anxiety set in

* * *

Kurt just ahead of him he steps in the room, his eyes resting on a familiar face

"—_Rob_?" He is shocked feels like a boy giddy to see the bearded nurse sitting in a circle of strangers, clipboard in hand

"David!" Rob smiled as though he was expecting Dave "I'm so glad you decided to come! Here, we have chairs for you two…" Before Rob can say or do anything else Dave walks up fluidly and hugs him

Overcome with emotion (no tears) but stuck happy and open Dave pulls away

He and Kurt sit

"Do you want to share?" Rob asked, a circle of eyes on them

Kurt and Dave glance at each other, Dave breaking away first

"I _can't_…" (Shame, shame, curl up into a ball)

Kurt looks around at the circle of boys men, blue eyes calculating maybe

"I'll go," the boy said, simply.

Deep breathe in.

(Entrancing)

"I always had a high voice. And excellent taste in fashion, as it is. So…I was always teased." Kurt sighed. "I can't tell you the number of times I was mistaken for a girl. Which…did hurt, because for the longest time I just wanted to feel like one of the guys. In all technicality, I am one of the guys…it just seemed right."

A few "Mhms" echoed around the circle and a particularly chunky guy murmured solemnly, "Preach."

"At the same time, I did envy the girls," Kurt continued "because they could talk about their crushes and wear bobby socks and feel pretty. While I've always known Lima's an extremely conservative town…it still hurt when sometimes I'd let my guard down and look at a boy a little too long and whatnot. Because more often than not they would notice, and make some derogatory comment about it.

But mostly," Kurt's eyes began to tear up, and his voice began to almost squeak "all I cared about was…making my Dad _proud_ of me. I just wanted to be that son he had always wanted, and the person I am and was just…wasn't that…person I thought he wanted me to be. So that was what really kept me closeted for so long."

He broke down and Dave instinctively placed a supporting hand on the boy's curved-over shoulder, feeling the boy's sad heat, feeling so fucking connected to this beautiful hunched-over person his own eyes welling up

"I love him, so much. But I came out just over a year ago to him, and…life has been okay. If anything my Dad and I have been better, because I feel more open and everything." Kurt sniffed, composing himself slowly, Dave's hand slips away "Sometimes, I do still feel that strain to be a real…I don't know, _guy's guy_ for him. Though I know that he loves me for who I am. I force myself to always come back to that." Kurt glanced at Dave "People will say and do as they will. I just know that someday, they'll learn. And they will…most of them, at least…how much their comments hurt. I have a boyfriend now—my first boyfriend—and I do feel stronger as a person, having come out. It's difficult, though, that…it's like you don't want your sexuality to define you, and yet—it's a part of you, and you really are proud of that side of yourself." Kurt wiped his eyes and sat up "Ugh. I'm sorry. I tend to ramble."

Dave stared at him and every single piece of him melted

Dave and Kurt look at each other, and Dave hugged Kurt fiercely, as everyone lightly clapped for what Kurt shared what

Kurt said he had needed this…this was his moment.

Everything was strangely wonderfully wrong and right.

Kurt's face buried into Dave's shoulder

* * *

"My dad means a lot to me, too." Dave said back in his truck, words sticky and awkward.

Kurt was silent.

"You're so courageous for doing that…that was _amazing_, back there."

"Thanks." Voice while not cold colder Kurt looked out of his window

Perhaps he was embarrassed, or proud, or unsure

Regardless, Dave understood now (chest bursting)

* * *

Sitting in Carol's office today he's slipping off of the leather

"I don't…want to take those anti-depressants anymore."

Pause "Do they not have any effect?"

"Well…I do feel different. But I don't feel like me." He swallowed

"Hm. Well, just keep on taking them, for now. We'll see."

Strange unfairness made Karofsky's throat tighten but he knew he'd take them as asked because he didn't want to

See his parents see a container of untaken pills, disappointed

_So_. Dave cleared his throat

"Carol," he started, still a little insecure being so open "I know that you said I only, you know…like Kurt because he was the only gay guy I knew. But…

There were other gay guys there at that meeting we went to, and…I don't know, I didn't even notice them. And…I'm getting to know Kurt better and I feel like…I'm liking him more and more. It's more than just He's The Only Gay Guy. He's just so…incredibly…wonderful." Those were teacher adjectives, but he couldn't quite pinpoint the right word to use for

Him, for the boy who had broken down and cried and written him a letter and blinked with long eyelashes and spoke with such confident eloquence and hid behind some sort of elusive mask so horribly _wonderfully_ beautiful

Today was different today Dave didn't want to try to forget or ignore that shit

That face that smile those those eyes

"I mean, I thought you were right. But…" Dave shook his head, unable to contain a warm smile anymore, looking down fondly zoning out into his thoughts

* * *

Last period Kurt is softer smoother in voice and manner

They don't discuss what happened at the meeting

But everything seems easier, freer

More real

Though both are too proud or shy to admit it

(Friends)

* * *

His first Sunday mass singing

_I have been anointed_

_With the song of the Lord_

_A song of love and compassion_

_A song to set me free_

_God is my rock of salvation_

_A beacon for my soul_

_Oh, Halellujah!_

_Amen…_

_Praise to the Rock and the wellspring_

_Creator of my soul…_

Repeated, again and again, voices welling melding

Stronger they clap and it's Dave's time to sing his solo

He steps forth he reaches from inside himself

Finds a voice louder than he expected and he sings, he looks in the front row

Sees his smiling mother and he sings letting loose the melody within him everything works everything sings closing his eyes and he is somewhere he'd been but ignored his entire life until now now _now_

He is joyous the song ends and he sees his happy mother and wants to explode

* * *

Afterwards everyone's filing out of the church

A smiling t-shirted jock (Damien) approaches Dave they were on the hockey team together and he made the switch with Dave to football Before they had a weird friendly unspoken pact between them

"_Jesus_, Karofsky…you can really belt it. You were really feeling that beat, huh? You wanna go for Broadway or some shit now?"

Dave looked at his feet and heard his laughter felt his shaking head

"As you can see, I'm in my Sunday best now. But just wait for school _tomorrow_…" Damien beamed in that horrid way of his.

* * *

Down the hallway at school Dave sees Azimio with the guys closing in on Kurt

Angrily Dave approaches he can't think he just bursts follows his gut reaction of white rage Azimio sees him first looking back at Kurt uneasily then everyone sees him silences he seethes out, "What the _fuck_?"

"Hey," Azimio seemed to brighten up with sudden cocky edge "I heard about your little Sister Act stunt!"

"Bravo!" Damien added, "You were a faggy rainbow dream! Too bad God ain't too big on you homos—" Karofsky sent over the edge

"So I like to sing—that doesn't mean _shit_. The real fucking deal here…" Dave said, looking right at every one of those stupid idiots, body in front of Kurt instinctively protecting maybe "the fucked up shit right here is the fact that none…and I mean _none_," he stared straight at Azimio "of you guys had my backs, after I fucking tried to kill myself. I came back and you guys ignored me. I thought we were friends, but when I decide to grow some balls and yeah, just fucking _sing_, you guys condemn me like we never knew each other. I guess we didn't. And…Kurt?" Dave took a step to the side looked at Kurt whose face was unreadable "Kurt doesn't deserve any of your shit. Maybe I do because I was one of you ignorant douchebags, but…not _Kurt_. And unlike the rest of us, Kurt is gonna leave Lima and actually do shit with his life. He's fucking awesome, and I'm not _'gay'_ for saying that. So…yeah. Fuck you."

They stared at him, Kurt included

Heart pounding he grabbed Kurt's wrist moves him out of the jock clump

"See you in last hour," he mutters, mind racing, not looking at Kurt afraid though still on an emotional high

Unseen, Kurt smiles a strange smile, amazed

* * *

Between classes Az and the jocks approach Dave fully recovered

"So, standing up for your _boyfriend_ back there?"

Dave gulps they're right by the doors outside he's pushed out he glances around physically outnumbered he's paralyzed

"Let's teach this fag a lesson."

Azimio cracked his knuckles, unsmiling (cold this wasn't Zee)

Fuck

* * *

They leave Dave is sore stinging he punches the brick wall he's full of injustice of anger of adrenaline he even got outside himself tried to fucking hit them hit Azimio but somehow he was blocked every time.

Fucking _hurt_.

His knuckles are bleeding now, and he remembers pushing Fancy in his careful Gaga outfit. He just pushed Kurt but something seemed to take over Azimio…

It hurt more to remember pushing Kurt and every inch of him feeling like Kurt really did deserve all that shit.

* * *

He sighed

In and out

Tired, heavy. Very heavy.

Doors squeal open and closed, Tina comes out.

"Dave!" She runs crouches down beside him "I saw the football guys walking down the hallway bragging—I just checked here, 'cause sometimes they beat up—oh, Dave, this is _horrible_!" Her brow creases in genuine concern

Dave pulled himself up against the brick wall "I don't deserve pity. Don't."

Tina her hand cool and tiny, slowly takes Dave's hand leads him up to standing

"Follow me," she said calmly, and quickly she opened the door hurried down the hallway silently he shuffled behind her small frame

The chorus room.

Opened up to loud chatting Glee members are all there except Kurt and Puck and the fat chick.

Before anyone else can start talking Tina says, "Look, before you guys get all crazy. Puck and Lauren were expelled for the whole graffiti scandal, as we all know by now. We don't have enough people for Nationals. Well…" she looked at Dave, his heart racing "I think Dave should join us."

"Oh HELL to the NO!" Mercedes ripped out, eyes glaring "It's already too much that he sits at our lunch table!—"

Lia spoke hurriedly "Do you KNOW how many slushies he's given me? This will _ruin_ the precious dynamic of this team…"

Finn was quiet his usual confused look even more so, mouth scowling

"Wait—" Tina's voice louder now overpowered everyone else somehow "Just let me _finish_, guys! Nobody ever listens to me, not ever. And I've been in Glee club since the start." Tina sighed to silence "We're supposed to be accepting, but instead we're just as judgmental as those stupid jocks out there—no offense," She gave a noting look to most of the boys in the room, Dave included "We should give him a shot. He has a great voice, right Mr. Schue?" Schue nodded, giving a quick small smile to Dave "And he talked things out with Kurt," Tina continued

"He just got beaten up by Azimio and all those other guys out there. He needs us fellow outcasts." Tina's eyes glittered with a certain intensity

Quietly the room considered, Dave's eyes still downcast

"Look," Dave stammered, after clearing his throat, "I'm really sorry for all the stuff I did to you guys. I know there's no real making up for it."

"_Well_," Rachel sighed out, "if we're going to give him a chance he has to sing an audition song. And if he doesn't have the chops," her eyes widened bitch-mode style "then so be it."

Dave glanced at Schue at Tina he did want to be in Glee club but

Tina sighed. "Do you have a song?"

Dave sucked in air, looking around anxiously. Shut his eyes to blackness to think in the stark silent room.

He remembered watching a certain musical online freshman year. Who knows how he had heard of it but he watched it stuck up in his room embarrassed but entranced

He knew what song to sing.

Without instruments he opened his mouth and the melody flowed out:

* * *

_Will I lose my dignity?_

_Will someone care?_

_Will I wake tomorrow from_

_This nightmare?_

* * *

Finn stepped out of his seat up to Dave, put a hand on his shoulder, singing joining in

Then Tina stepped next to Dave almost hugging him, singing strongly

Wheelchair kid, Santana, Mike, Sam…everyone joined in, singing voices sounds swelling dancing being

It ends the questions still haunting hanging and Finn hugs him warmly

He mumbles "Thanks," then again

Happy, maybe he's home


	11. Chapter 11

Karofsky opens the door there stands Blue Eyes again, looking nervous but determined

With odd confidence Kurt steps inside the house

"What you did, the other day…standing up against Azimio and the rest of those guys…" Kurt began calmly, eyes darting to and from Dave he clears his throat "it affected me a lot. I've been absent from school because I just really needed to think…about, well…_you_. I find more and more that…"

He pauses, looking into Dave blue fear trepidation (no, don't be afraid)

"It's hard to ignore…my feelings, you see…I'm such a _wreck_." Kurt laughed a dark chuckle quickly came back composed "My feelings for you are considerable."

Kurt walks in to Dave's living room as though of habit, Dave follows shocked silent

Kurt sits trembling on the couch "I've never been so nervous," he said lightly, eyebrows creased, smiling a small smile Dave sits next to him

"Look," Kurt faced him smoothly "here's the truth. I feel extremely open with you; I do, though I've been afraid to admit it to myself. And I realize now that…well, a part of me…" Kurt shakes his head again "I keep looking back on that…_kiss_, and" Kurt hesitates yet again, eyes locked on Dave now blushing madly both of them "I long to feel your lips again. I'm strangely…curious." His eyes unfocused he is inches apart from Dave's face Dave can hardly breathe stunned

Kurt carefully calculating straddles Dave legs hugging his the small pale boy leans in down smooth warm lips running against his own brushing back and forth

* * *

Dave wakes up, to a familiar dirty hardness still in a dream-like state he begins

Jacking off furiously to Kurt imagining his round pale ass his back his hips his neck chest

He comes comes comes he's tired alert and he feels gross except

Not _that_ sort of gross that he used to feel but now that they were _friends_, sort of, strangely…

But he shakes his head it was a dream right? No big fucking deal not like anybody would know anyway

He lumbers to the bathroom to clean up take a shower

* * *

"Dave, did you take your pill?" Just as Dave was leaving to drive to school

"Yeah. I always do." He calls back

He hears a soft, "Oh," and a flamboyant wave of a newspaper, returning to reading

* * *

Sees Kurt in the hallway grins

The boy hasn't been at school for two days Finn said he was sick now finally his face again

He's back he's back and the world feels more balanced again

* * *

"Are you feeling better?" He asks Kurt before they start working more on the project

"Yes, thanks," Kurt says mildly enough Dave then hunches over his notebook quickly jotting down something then places it proudly in front of Kurt

"What does that say?" Kurt asked, amused

"'_Welcome back_,' in Japanese," Dave said, unconsciously licking his upper lip as he leaned in to draw a little smiley face next to the words "Tina taught me."

"Ah," Dave pretended Kurt was blushing maybe he really was Kurt lightly chuckled "Well, thank you for that. Nothing like Japanese to brighten the mood."

Dave grinned "You know you like it."

Kurt paused, then "Thank you for standing up for me. You know, on Monday."

* * *

"Why do you hang out with Tina so much? She's so…"

Dave straightens plays with his jacket cuff "I don't know, she's _actually_ pretty cool. I thought you guys were Glee friends or something."

"No, I believe you. I was just wondering. I thought she was a vampire or something," Kurt joked lightly but Dave swallowed feeling the uneasy condescension

"That's kind of shallow. I mean, I don't get her style too much either, but she's fun."

Kurt nodded face red looked relatively surprised to hear Dave say _shallow_

"I was…just joking," Kurt shrugged but Dave gave him a silly Evil Eye, they both knew that Kurt was being serious grave maybe weirdly bitter

"You should hang out with her more," Dave said then brightening "She's awesome once you get to know her. It's just goth, you know? She's not boring or anything either you just gotta…I don't know. Listen to her."

Kurt smiled nodded nonchalantly.

"Hey," his blue eyes flitted to Dave changing the subject "I heard about your _audition_…if you want to be in Glee club, that's fine with me. In case you were worried about what I thought about the whole thing."

Dave looked down didn't want to acknowledge

"It'll be fun…!" While that didn't sound forced still Dave was uncomfortable

* * *

Kurt's hair particularly stylized that day Dave smiled

"What is it?" he said confidently, confused

"No, it's nothing…"

"Dave! You tell me! What was that look for?"

Karofsky blushed then said defeated "Your hair…"

"What about my hair?"

"You look like…a cockatoo." Teasing smiling

Kurt's mouth hung agape fighting back a smile but still offended "—How dare you! I spent hours on this hairdo—"

"Honey, it's a hair-don't."

"Oh, isn't that clever…"

"Psh. No. Don't worry about it. You're a _sophisticated_ cockatoo, Kurt Hummell."

"That's more like it. David Karofsky." Kurt pushed him and lightly brushed back a hair that had gone askew

* * *

"Alright, everybody!" Mr. Schue clapped his hands together the bell just rang Dave sat next to Kurt rather insecure now sitting with the kids who he used to rival so vehemently—

"First, let's introduce our new member, Dave Karofsky!" There was an awkward pause then Kurt began to clap quickly excitedly and everyone else joined in

"Now…Nationals is going to arrive sooner than we all realize—we really have to start working on our songs. We want to blow their MINDS. Regionals was awesome, everybody, but now we really have to blow them out of the water!"

Archie-or-whatever held up a gloved hand "PREACH."

"Can I just say something?" Rachel held up her hand beginning to talk "I think that, for _Nationals_, we should stick to doing other people's songs."

"Um—otherpeople'ssongs_WHAT_? Sweetie, _you_ were the one pulling for original songs during Regionals," Santana butted in with a slight glare

"That's really hypocriticizing," Brittany muttered confidently sitting right beside Santana

"While I appreciate the tag-team interrupting, I didn't get a chance to _explain_ what I mean," she shot a look at Santana "I think our songs were perfect for Regionals. But I saw Nationals one year with my dads, and we have a _huge_ amount of competition. You don't understand. We need to focus on our performance, not what we're writing. I think we should just choose very carefully from songs of the greats." Rachel sat back in her seat letting her sharp voice sink in

"Rachel's got a good point," Finn said, wincing in an awkward shrug of support

"Well," Schue said, "I must agree with Rachel here. How about we start thinking about themes we could do…if any of you would like to write a song, however, bring it and we'll consider, alright?" Satisfied with the general compromise he'd reached, Schue brought out music sheets to "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)" For some poppy vocal practicing

* * *

"You know what theme I think we should do?" Tina asked Dave playfully

"What?"

"Pokémon."

Dave threw back his head and laughed. "Oh my GOD, that would be fucking _epic_!"

"We could start out with a love ballady song between Misty and Ash…"

"And an upbeat song where we dress up in Pokémoncostumes and dance battle each other, right?"

"And then the Pokémontheme song, you can't forget about that!"

"Dude, I think I legitimately have that song on my iPod…"

"Perfect!" Tina said, cackling evilly "We're set!"

* * *

Dave gets back from the gym absolutely fucking exhausted all energy depleted he plops down in front of the computer before getting to bed

His notifications read he was invited to a Facebook Event…for the first time Since. He used to get them all the time…weird, to remember that…

It was created by Kurt, entitled, "Movie Night Extravaganza!" Invited too were Mercedes, Rachel, Finn, Blaine, Tina, and Kurt of course

Dave grins to see Tina invited, sees she commented five minutes ago, "Can I bring along Mike? Pweaaase? :)"

Kurt liked her comment and replied, "Of course darling! :)"

They were seeing the movie Bridesmaids. It damn near felt pretty "gay" to attend this event but hell he is gay anyway, and Dave only felt this from old habit…he didn't really care about that shit anymore…right?

He clicked Attending.

Weird that only months ago he spent so much time only wondering imagining what it would be like to hang out with these people…

* * *

"I feel so fat around you, Hummell."

"Why?"

"Seriously? You're so…dainty. Like a lady."

"Let me remind you that I _am_ a man, Dave." Kurt lightly pushes him

"I know, I know. You just have really…soft features."

A small bubble of silence he doesn't look at Kurt

"You know, you're actually not bad-looking."

"_Wow_. Thank you for that."

"Well." Kurt chuckled "I am being serious, Dave…you're attractive."

"Psh. You're just being nice."

"Must I stuff my compliment down your throat?" Kurt grinned with a twinkle in his eye then "Take it like a man, Karofsky."

"Ho!" Dave laughed a belly laugh, blushing

* * *

Karofsky drives to the hospital meeting, this time sans Kurt got a text from him this morning "My dad's not feeling well sorry :(" It didn't sound like anything major, Kurt just fucking worried a lot but still Karofsky felt unsettled in his stomach for him with without him

Rob's late this time Dave's sitting in the circle the guy in a purple polo next to him starts talking,

"Hey, I'm Brian." He holds out a confident hand

"Oh." Slightly off-guard he uncrosses his arms and shakes the boy's hand then "I'm Dave."

"This is my first meeting," the boy beamed. "I mean, I came out forever ago, but sometimes you just want to sit back and listen, you know? It's nice to find support when you're feeling a little lonely."

"Yeah. I get what you mean." Karofsky nodded feeling odd to notice this confident boy seemed to be seeping with a sad sorrow

* * *

Dave stayed wanting to help Rob put away the chairs and everything this time, it was as though Rob was his uncle he just wanted to be with him more be in his presence

But just as it seemed like the last stragglers were leaving the purple shirt guy approached Dave, smiling strangely

"Hey," he said, "see you next time, maybe?" He held out his hand to shake Dave's again

Dave shrugged "Sure." Weird but okay he shook the boy's hand and pulled back to find his palm stuck to a small slip of paper

The boy winked and walked away

The paper read, "You're cute :)" along with a scrawled out cellphone number

Karofsky stared at the paper in amazement the boy already long gone

He tested his brief memory of this guy…he really didn't feel anything for him…_but_…

Pleasantly flattered, he pocketed the slip


	12. Chapter 12

Karofsky walked into the theater approaches the huddle of McKinley Glee's own he's the last one there as he walks towards them Kurt takes Blaine's hand

He observed how short Blaine was even shorter than Kurt he'd forgotten

At least he had height going for him. So that was something.

"So…_Bridesmaids_, huh?" Karofskky grinned genuinely enough siding by Tina "Sounds like a chick flick."

"I heard it was absolutely _hilarious_," Mercedes said to the group

"I can't wait," Kurt squeaked out "Kristin Wiig is simply _divine_. I love her."

Dave's eyes flitted towards the happy couple in time to notice Blaine squeezing Kurt's hand now both smiling

"I would go straight for her, I hope you know," Dave heard Kurt begin to Blaine as he turned towards a surprisingly solo Tina

"Where's Mike?"

"Oh, he's at some Asian church thing," she said absentmindedly digging through her Jujubes box "It's really hard to explain." Shrugging, her eyes gave off a downcast glint "It's weird being here without him. Movies are meant for dates, you know?" She glumly looked over at a couple across the lobby kissing

* * *

"That was actually pretty fucking funny," Karofsky said, still laughing, stumbling out of the theater with Tina

"Oh my gosh, _right_?" Rachel replies loudly Finn traveling beside her just behind them "It was a _tad_ too vulgar for my taste in some parts…but I'll give it four out of five stars!"

The group came up to the theater lobby standing in a loose circle

"_So_…" Kurt breathed out with a finality, both hands in his jacket pockets "that was amazing! I'm glad all of you fabulous people came!"

"Wait a hot moment, guys," Mercedes said as everyone began to take a step away in respective directions "I don't want this to end already…I barely got the chance to talk to y'all!"

"Let's go to Dairy Queen," Finn offered up, everyone smiled agreed

* * *

Mercedes just ahead of him in line rifled through her purse

"Oh hot _damn_," she muttered mostly for herself

"What is it?" He asked

Surprised she glanced up saw Dave sighed then "I basically have no money on me. I was really craving me some turtle sundae," she scrunched up her face in lighthearted disappointment, looking at the lit-up menu almost wistfully

"Hey, I'll get it for you," he said reaching for his wallet

"Really?" she smiled brightly closing her purse "I'll pay you back…thanks!" He sensed a certain almost offensive shock to her voice but ignored it

"No problem," he said

"You are such a _gentleman_, Dave Karofsky!"

He shrugged, grinning. "I try."

* * *

Sitting stirring the remains of his plastic dish of chocolate ice cream Dave began to tune out the discussion to a degree as they'd begun to discuss hypothetical wedding plans

"Okay, okay," Blaine started up smiling in a thoughtful way that made Dave want to punch him (just a little bit) "I would want something simple and elegant. Black and white wedding photos, definitely."

"Ooh, classy," Mercedes added in excitedly

"And…really tiny. Like thirty people or less. Just something…quiet and simple." Blaine leaned back, closing his eyes, smiling

Kurt's eyes widened and Dave could just tell he was thinking of a wedding rather opposite to that

"_Honestly_?" Kurt breathed out, surprised

"Yeah. That'd be my perfect ceremony," Blaine shrugged as Mercedes and Rachel just smiled wildly at him their eyes screaming "yeah you're so hot you're a genius I agree with you completely excellent"

"I'd want something crazy extravagant," Kurt said then, still looking at Blaine

"Oh, me too!" Rachel butted in but before she could begin with her probably many-times-over discussed plans Finn sighed loudly he and Dave exchanging a look of complete disinterest

This only drew attention to them, Tina then asking (as Rachel playfully swatted Finn's arm for sighing in boredom)

"Dave, what'd be your perfect wedding?"

"I really don't know. I haven't thought about that stuff," he said honestly

Tina nodded as though she expected that exact reply quickly moving on she faced the group and "I don't think I want to get married, personally."

Kurt's mouth fell open "Why _not_? Didn't you grow up pretending you were walking down the aisle? Don't you listen to the radio with the subconscious but perpetual intent to find a wedding song?"

"Kurt," Tina said, eyebrows knitting together "that's a little bit crazy."

Dave laughed lightly, Kurt shooting him an evil glare

"I just don't want to be so…_dependent_," Tina continued explaining "I want to be my own person and not need that document stating that the guy I love and I are legally together forever. I just don't want to…have to _need_ that affirmation."

"I respect," Dave said, nodding his head

"Yeah, me too." Mercedes agreed "But that doesn't mean I _don't_ want a crazy-ass wedding like Kurt." She and Kurt grinned at each other "Maybe we should just elope at a Lady Gaga concert or something," her eyes sparkled

"Oh my GAGA that would be so fantastic!" Kurt squealed at the thought "Dave…why are you laughing?"

He looked away from Kurt for a quick second before "You're just…quite a silly lad."

Everyone giggled at his wording "I like the formality, Dave," Tina commented

He shrugged "Thanks, doll." In a sophisticated British drawl

"Hey man, I'm glad you joined Glee," Finn finally joined in. Rachel beside him nodded eagerly, along with everybody else in the group

"Can you sing at my wedding?" Mercedes giggled out after a pause "Or can I just marry your voice?"

Dave laughed before he said anything Tina spoke up "I'm honestly jealous…you have a great tone to your singing..."

"You should definitely have a solo for Nationals," Kurt added, looking right at Karofsky "with your voice we'll take the cake."

Intent on avoiding the sudden rush of compliments "_'Take the cake'_? Who says that anymore?" Dave teased, chuckling in the brief bubble of silence

"Hey, um…" he abruptly began, then, fidgeting somewhat "Thanks, you guys. For everything. You're all so _nice_." He looked around at them all, scrunched together in a booth "I'm sorry for the slushies. Seriously. I used to think you guys were…" he sighed "_losers_ or something. But now I realize…you're the most interesting people at McKinley."

"Aw!" Tina dove in for a sideways hug

"Really," Dave said, smiling "Finn can agree—the jocks? It's just '_that's what she said_' jokes 24/7. Really…_high brow_ shit like that." Finn and Dave shared a knowing glance, grinning at the stupidity of their past popularity pursuits…

Tina still hugging him in the moment Dave's eyes latched onto Kurt's

He nodded at those sparkling blue eyes, in silent gratitude, once

* * *

"It was good seeing you again," Blaine smiled in that odd smooth way of his at Dave as everyone left going their separate ways

Dave realized this was the first time Blaine had talked to him all night, and something seemed inexplicably odd about that but it probably was for the best

Dave and Tina walked into the parking lot together, Tina's small hands clutching Dave's arm, maybe for something to do or force of habit now even sans Mike

"So, how are you and Mike doing, anyway?" He asked this was probably the one moment he wouldn't see the two of them together

Tina smiled a special smile "We…we're doing really well," she said simply confidently with a secret sparkle to her eyes "Dave? I don't want to sound like that silly, clichéd high school girl, but…" she sighed "I think I'm in love with him."

"Aw, Tina!" He grinned for her with her "That's _awesome_! I'm happy for you," selfishly he felt his heart sinking, though

* * *

He stepped into his truck before starting the engine he checked the rearview mirror and fuck he fucking saw

(_Just the cherry on top_) he saw Blaine and Kurt leaning against Kurt's car, kissing carefully but intently secret private tenderly

_How long had they been there?_ He felt as though it'd been awhile

As soon as he wondered that they seemed to break apart, getting into the car, driving off smoothly

Dave sat there in empty loneliness, sad

Why did he even still fucking like Fancy? Why couldn't he like _anybody_ else? What the fucking hell he felt

Low and heavy, and yet simultaneously there was this certain…

_Numbness_. He dug into his pockets for his keys and felt that slip of paper he'd unthinkingly slipped into his jeans

Sighing, he dove into another pocket and pulled out his cellphone, looking at it blankly for a few moments before

* * *

The memory that his name was Brian struck Dave as he approached the boy, leaning against a park tree (he was wearing a blue shirt today)

It was tight in all the right sorts of places Dave wondered why he hadn't really noticed before

Brian, cool and collected, zoning out under the shady leaves, hadn't seen Dave yet he realized he could just drive away go to his house (safe) go into his room…

And—what? Pine after some unattainable boy some more? Caress a little figurine he stole and threatened from him?

Still, there was this indecision and guilt weighing him down though also

Fueling a weird flavor of anger within him with a new sort of courage (rage) he

Approached the boy

The park was nice enough for appearances but they both knew what was going to happen and what wasn't going to happen texts were flirtatious and short enough to convey…

Dave wanted to make intentions clear wanted a release of all the fucking pent-up anxiety swimming in him for maybe forever all of the quiet jealous the horrible offness everything had for so long for tonight for so many nights

Brian turned smiled saw Dave now yards feet inches away really the boy had lovely smooth skin Dave dove right at his light lips, a hand to the back of his curly dark hair, kissing him furiously, passionately

(Let's pretend we're in a locker room, and I'm me and you're…)

Dave pinned Brian against the tree his tongue slipping thrusting inside of the boy's mouth venturing curious furious for the first time he feels his own tongue sliding against another dude's holy shit mother fucker his

Eyes close and there he finds strong bold hunger he doesn't ignore

* * *

Brian is atop Dave they're in Brian's van Dave's arms wrap around the boy still kissing both of them now quite hard he's excited to feel his chest against another's to feel Brian's fucking _dick_ through his shorts

Brian confidently begins to inch up Dave's shirt and his heart is pounding he feels naked cold hands against his warm skin does he really want to do this fuck he stops kissing question forming

"Do you really think I'm…cute?" He feels like such a chick, blushing

Brian hovered above him, a pause for his eyes to refocus then grinned "I think you're _hot_. You were the hottest guy in that room."

"Really?"

Brian only smiled more widely and with one warm hand slipped under Dave's pants boxers smooth cool skin Dave shudders unable to think breathe Brian leans in whispers in his ear throatily "_Really_."

Dave's thighs stomach clenched

* * *

He stepped inside his own truck now alone, everything eerily quiet

He didn't know how it would feel but thought it'd feel different from…this

It was like eating a buffet and it all was really probably mushy shit but you were hungry and you'd eaten far too much…

Dave was empty inside, sitting at the wheel, though he'd felt so fulfilled moments before as though he could make (him) _jealous_ or some _shit_

(Alone)

He thought it would mean everything. Like it would help him get over…everything

They just gave each other handjobs but to Dave it was new territory it was a place a year ago he thought he'd never venture into, _ever_

In his fuddled thoughts he heard the familiar bing of his cell, flips it open to see a missed call from Home and

"Hey, when's the next meeting? I want to make sure my schedule's open :)"—From _Kurt_ of course of course he would get fucking something from Kurt right fucking _now_…

Why did he feel like he was betraying something?

Why did nothing feel right?

* * *

"David, good to see you're finally back home! Where were you? Why weren't you answering your phone?" His Dad asks, concerned but not really worried, just mostly relieved than anything else

"Went out for ice cream after the movie. I don't know, it was loud there," he said casually enough "must not have heard it, sorry." Also, he grabbed another dude's dick stroking it again and again but no homo

"Hm. Well just be sure to check your phone more often."

"I noticed right when I was about to come home, but I figured I'd just drive here instead," he said unnecessarily

"It's okay. Your mother and I just want to know you're _safe_."

As opposed to throwing himself off a bridge or something? It was Lima suburbs they both knew that the only threat posed to Dave was himself…

Silence, again

"So, how's school going?"

"I got my grades up…"

"And?"

"Well, except for Calculus."

"I thought Math was your strong suit."

"I thought so. Now it's like I can't concentrate, though. The teacher's a real _dickhead_, too—"

"David."

"Well, he just doesn't fucking _explain_ stuff right, and he doesn't try to help, either…"

"Well, we can always get you a tutor."

That felt like shameful defeat

"No, please. I can do it. Just give me a little more time," Dave breathed out, turning to take a shower before getting to bed


	13. Chapter 13

They watched some video trying to be exciting last hour. How To Write An Effective Essay—it was less than _intoxicating_, to say the fucking least

The bell woke Karofsky up and sleepily he approached Kurt who was carefully packing up his trendy messenger bag, amidst little paper—

Paper _cranes_? Dave now stood in front of him and picked up a tiny, delicate crane not taller than an inch

"Kurt," he sighed out, focused on the tiny, crisp folds to the bird "these are fucking _awesome_. Did you make them during the movie?" He motioned towards maybe ten of them spread out across the boy's desk

_A lovely little army…_

"Ah…" Kurt blushing in that slight way of his folded the cranes flat setting them in a small pocket of his bag "Yes. That movie taught us literally _nothing_," he sighed. "I can't remember the last time I was _that_ bored…besides, we all passed the third grade…we didn't need that presentation."

"You'd be surprised," Dave scoffed. "You know, Finn's a _genius_ compared to some of the other guys on the football team…" he shook his head "but anyway, how did you learn to make those tiny little cranes?"

"Ah…let's just say that the summer between sixth and seventh grade was rather lonely for me," Kurt smirked in a deprecating manner

"I'm jealous. Sure beats practicing relentlessly to end up throwing a football with only just above average accuracy…can I keep this one?" He was still holding the crane he'd initially picked up

"Sure," Kurt smiled widely

"It's _beautiful_. I wish I could fold paper like that." Dave holds up a meaty hand "I'm clumsy for life. What can you do?" He chuckled lightly

"Are you going to play football next year?" Kurt asked tentatively

Dave paused, slipping the crane in his pocket carefully. "I…honestly don't know," he admitted.

"Maybe…you won't have to keep up appearances by then," Kurt got out softly

Dave stopped walking in the hallway.

"I really _do_ like football, Kurt," evenly checking the boy's eyes "and…as far as…_you-know-what_ goes…I'll do it when I'm fucking _ready_."

Kurt silenced and nodded.

"Don't you remember what it was like? It hangs over me everyday." He muttered out

"I can't apologize," Kurt says "while I understand you need space…I honestly want the best for you, Dave. I want you to truly be happy…and I know that you're not. Because I _do_ remember what it was like."

Suddenly Dave felt Kurt's cool hand quickly reach for his own, squeezing in support

Dave swallowed his chest swelling

Playfully Dave speedily squeezed Kurt's own hand back

They shared a silly odd smile, hands parting quickly and unseen

* * *

"Can you help me out with Calculus?" Dave asked Kurt fidgeting spinning his pencil on the desktop

"Definitely," he replied instantly "I'm _basically_ a genius in the whole mathematics department."

"Really?" Karofsky mused, eyebrow cocked "That better be accurate because I need a hell of a lot of help with the class."

"Just give me a when and where, and I'm there," he replied cheerfully

"You're a poet and you don't know it!"

"You used a classic…and wit-wise, that's tragic"

"Too many rhymes is like too many limes"

"Dave, that makes absolutely no sense"

"It's okay. It's a really complex and intricate rhyme. I knew you wouldn't be able to really see the profound and deep life statement I was making right there"

"Oh, shut up. You're such a _weirdo_," Kurt scrunched up his face and Dave threw back his head and laughed

* * *

_I don't wanna be free_

_I'm stayin', I'm stayin'_

_And you, and you, and you_

_You're gonna love me_

_You're gonna love me, yes, ah_

_Ooh, ooh, love me_

_Ooh, ooh, ooh love me_

_Love me, love me, love me_

_Love me, you're gonna love me_

Rachel stands in front of them all, breathing in out deeply dramatically voice spent smiling out at the Glee club

Slight clapping then Mercedes speaks up

"No offense, Rachel…you're great at singing…but that performance lacked _something_…"

Dave cut in "Soul! It needed more, like…raw _emotion_."

"Exactly!" Mercedes said smiling nodding at Dave "We need to spice it up in here with some raw emotion!" Giggled

Mercedes leaned over to Dave and they high-fived

* * *

After class Mercedes approached Dave hallway "You know…you and Kurt are _total_ opposites," she said, smiling bubble of giggling

Pause "Yeah?"

"But I think it's great that you're friends. I respect."

* * *

Dave and Kurt sit at Kurt's kitchen table hunched over looking at an equation

"Okay," Kurt started "here's what you did wrong in this problem…it's easy to fix, really, just—"

A certain bing went off and Dave shrugged at Kurt and checked his phone

From _Brian_.

"Hi hot stuff wanta cum ovr? 3"

Immediately Dave's face turns a shade of scarlet and almost laughing he just shakes his head, not replying putting the phone back in pocket

"Who was _that_?"

"Brian," Dave says slowly "I don't know, he was at the meeting you missed…"

Kurt's nose crinkled "There's more, isn't there…"

"He. I don't know. He…uh…hit on me?" Licked his lips

"Really?" Kurt sat back from the Calculus problems sinking in "Well then. That's certainly _surprising_…" Dave threw a look at him "no, I mean for that sort of thing to happen at a _support meeting_…"

Dave shrugged. It was what fucking happened, so

"Is he cute?"

"Yeah. He is." He said nonchalantly but

"So, did you…are you…"

"Uh, he's…not my type." Karofsky's face burned he turned his head back to the problem intent on talking of other things

* * *

Dave walks in the chorus room almost doesn't notice sits in a plastic chair

"What the HELL, you guys." Puck stared straight at him, eyes glowering

"Do you REMEMBER what he DID to us? To Kurt?" Puck rose rushed in front of everybody looking everyone straight in the eyes especially

"I'm going to say it, even though I guess you guys were just _too nice_ to say it, huh? Just because he tried to off himself doesn't make him a good person, and it doesn't mean that everything's _okay_." Puck scoffed at him Dave felt like he was melting falling where was Kurt "He can't just suddenly join up with us like everything's sunshine and rainbows, and—"

Tina butted in Puck looked offended surprised and confused "Why are you so _pissed off_? Puckhead, _you_ were just as bad a bully as Dave was…"

"Dave? What is this? I didn't fucking drive a kid OUT of SCHOOL." Puck squared up arms crossed "Besides, I'm not an evil _douchebag_ like he is. I'm just 100% _badass_."

Dave deserved this he deserved this he deserved this he didn't look at anyone oh fucking _god_ he should have _known_ he deserved this

"Come _on_…" Puck started up again louder not defeated in the silent room "…KAROFSKY? I spray-painted the school smack-dab in front of a security camera and still…I know this is fucked up."

Before anyone could reply anything Schue stood up as if to say something Kurt walked in bright pink Guidance office slip in hand "What's going on here?" Cheeks flushed he asked warily Dave wanted to cry he didn't want to know he deserved this he didn't want to leave

"Kurt," Puck shot out "_tell_ them. Tell them that fucking _Karofsky_ can't be in Glee. It's just not cool."

Kurt's eyes widen realization flooding beat and he's angry the collected sort "While I appreciate the _macho cry_ of loyalty, Puck, Dave has every right to be in Glee. Things used to be bad, yes...but," Kurt breathed out look straight at Dave

"That's in the past. Dave hasn't bullied me since we came back and, in fact, we've become friends. Not to mention…he has an _incredible_ voice that we need for Nationals…"

Puck's head is shaking and Lauren decides then to mutter from her seat "Unbelievable."

Kurt bursts "Dave is an _amazing_ person, okay? He's kind and funny and sweet and—why can't it _seep_ into your stupid Mohawked brain that there might be more layers to a person than what _you_ only see? You know what? These days I just—I forget _completely_ that Dave _ever_ bullied me!"

The truth of the statement snuck stuck around the quiet room and Kurt himself sank back realizing what he'd said it shouldn't have been a big thing but somehow now it was

Kurt self-consciously brushes a hair back as he walks to the plastic seat next to Karofsky, sitting down with careful dignity

Dave wants to smile hug him and yet he's scared the silence the shock frightens fuck

Puck does sit down but needs the last word murmuring "Fucking _weird_," to Lauren but really to fucking everybody

Karofsky flames up finally speaking words flowing out fucking douche "Are you fucking _kidding_ me? You guys are in Glee together. _Respect_ Kurt's decisions. You can get fucking pissed at me all you want. I fucking get it, okay? But don't start insulting Kurt, because that's not really helping your argument out. And—I've seen the school performances—he's a _hell_ of a lot more talented than you, anyway! So I'd shut the hell up if I were you, because you don't understand shit, and I regret all the horrible shit I pulled every single fucking _day_."

"Dude," Puck said, hands held up "okay. I don't really get it, but I can deal."

Not long afterwards a song later the bell rang Dave and Kurt walked out of the chorus room together. They didn't mention what had just transpired


	14. Chapter 14

Just had to add here: in Brian's little text message, the 3 was meant to be a heart. I'm sure you could've figured that out, yet I simply had to clarify! :)

Oh, and also: I don't know if Lima or anywhere nearby has a Performing Arts Center but I figured the name was generic enough to work!

* * *

Rachel bopped like a rabbit standing in front of the herd of Gleeks, Mr. Schue excitedly knowingly standing to her left

"As you _probably_ already _know_, Wicked is coming two weeks from now to the Performing Arts Center downtown," Rachel began in a high-pitched rush, looking quickly from person-to-person pausing for dramatic effect

"As it is," she continued "my gay dads have connections with the people who run the Center…and…" she paused again letting out a happy laugh "they can get us all tickets to see _Wicked_!"

A thrilled murmur ran through opening mouths interested looks

Kurt to the right of Dave gasped he could see a whirlwind of thoughts running through those blue eyes

"It'll be Friday at seven. We'll want to head out around six just to make sure that we'll make it there with plenty of time to spare. My plan is that we'll enjoy a _sophisticated_ dinner at Breadstix and then carpool there, everyone wearing their most _dashing_ outfits, of course, and—_Dave_?"

Dave's eyes bore into Rachel's and Dave fidgeted a little bit

"You look confused. Much less excited than I anticipated."

_Why was she anticipating excitement?_ Whatever "What's Wicked?"

Kurt swiveled sideways facing Dave directly fully, incredulous "'What's _Wicked_?' Oh good Patti LuPone…" the boy began to fan himself in mock or legitimate shock "how can you describe _only_ one of the _best_ musicals our generation has _ever_ seen? How can you describe the _heavenly_ sound of Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel harmonizing?"

"Granted," Rachel butted in "it's not the original cast, of course!"

Kurt shot her a slightly, _Well Duh_ look then quickly came back to innocent excitement

"Rachel," Mr. Schue stepped up slowly smiling "I don't even know what to _say_. That is so incredibly generous and kind. And—don't forget, everybody, it _could_ be a great inspiration for our own performance at Nationals, right?"

Puck jutted out "I'm _not_ going. No _self-respecting_ man would go to that thing. Besides, musicals are cheesy and predictable...not worth the Puckmaster's time."

Just beside him Lauren piped up drawling "I gotta admit…I'm with Puck on this one."

"You're with Puck on _everything_," Santana shot out

"Yeah," added Brittany "it's kind of gross."

The certainty to Puck's voice and some old knee-jerk reaction he once clung to caused Dave to glance around and suddenly feel quite fucking uncomfortable

"_Do you really think I'd like it_…?" He asked Kurt unsteadily arms crossing

Kurt touched his arm felt it through the fabric shook his head with his words "Oh, you'll _love_ it. You HAVE to go, I'm forcing you. It will be _divine_!"

* * *

His throat buzzed ached after yet another Sunday mass performance

Raw and tired he set a kettle of water on the stove for tea

On a whim he pulled out the Ritz crackers and some peanut butter and while he waited for boiling water he carefully concocted mini-sandwiches, stacking them on his plate in a pyramid

Strong black tea. Water ready he used two teabags and let the teapot stoop

Mom swooped into the kitchen, noticing the embarrassingly large pyramid immediately smiling then quickly composed

Seriously, dramatically her hands motioned to the snack construction, in a deep voice saying, "_ART_."

"Shut _up_," he smiled laughing a little "I was just really bored."

"I think it's _lovely_," she said then

Sitting down hand under chin at the table she sighed then almost wistfully "You know, you used to make _all_ sorts of silly treats for your Dad and me! You were a _cute_ little chef! Do you remember that lumpy red velvet cake you made for Mother's Day?"

"Oh god. That was absolutely nasty."

She just eyed him up smiling "No…you were so…absolutely adorable."

"Oh, and now I'm a hideous mess? Is that what you're saying?" He joked mildly

"No," she said both lightly and seriously "You've always been my adorable David. I just miss all the little concoctions you'd create. I guess hockey practice got in the way of your baking career, huh?"

Karofsky beamed tiredly

In silence he got two ceramic mugs out and poured steamy tea for the two of them, setting the Ritz pyramid between them as well then sat down

Sighed to heaviness. "Hey, Mom?"

"Hm?" She looked up as she softly blew onto the hot tea

"I don't think I'll be singing at church anymore. I'm in Glee now. My throat is just way too fucking sore."

"Oh, I see. Upgrading from Jesus to…Broadway?" Her eyes glittered teasingly

He shrugged "I gotta talk to the dude about it."

"Oh, Gary, the choir director? I'll talk to him. He's in my Living Faith group," she said, grabbing a peanut butter cracker sandwich waits a beat then "maybe over the summer you can take it back up though, huh?"

Surprising himself Karofsky replied "Yeah…I think I will."

* * *

Mr. Schue nowhere in sight they had some Asian substitute who didn't give a fuck everyone was just listening to the radio and talking

"What's your favorite movie?" Tina asked the group in general everyone thought for a second

"Alright, don't laugh, _but_…" began Mercedes eyes darting "Rocky Horror Picture Show." Everyone laughed a little bit smiling

"A _cult_ _classic_," Tina said, nodding in approval

"I kind of like…Inglourious Basterds," Dave said he watched it four times there was something addicting about that movie

"Quentin Tarantino?" Lauren asked perking up "He's a _boss_ director. Good job, Karofsky," she muttered eyeing him up with a certain respect

Before anybody else said anything more Kurt's eyes brightened he stood up and ran over to the radio, turning the song up

_When he comes to me I am ready_

_I wash his feet with my hair if he needs_

_Forgive him when his tongue lies through his brain_

_Even after three times he betrays me…_

"GAGA!" Kurt cried in a melodramatic fashion as he began to playfully dance

Dave stood began to move to Kurt teasingly shaking his head to the beat everyone else joined in on the two of them an odd crowd of mostly awkward dancers

For a few seconds in time Dave understood why someone would have the urge to dance why all these kids were so unhesitatingly in Glee club why Kurt loved Gaga so much

He closed his eyes and moved with the melody, feeling silly and nice opening his eyes to see Kurt intent on creating a dance out of sheer flamboyant writhing

A laugh bubbled in Dave's throat he grinned widely

Kurt's eyes caught his they both laughed in the heat of the dancey moment

"Dave!" Kurt nodded acknowledging Dave's own dancing "You're a _monster_!"

"…What?"

"Lady Gaga…we're her little monsters! I swear, she's a _goddess_…"

"Hey," he began "check out these sweet moves." He couldn't deny that he'd seen the music video to Bad Romance at least two times he started clawing jerking his head in a quite trademark monster fashion

Kurt threw back his head laughing "Classic. _Clearly_ you've mastered the art of dance."

"Just wait. One day I'll go pro."

"You're so strange."

"_You're_ the Lady Gaga fanatic. So…I don't know if you can talk..." Dave cocked his head playfully they both laugh

* * *

"Hey," Dave turned to see the voice belonged to Lauren

They stood in the hallway she continued "Just so you know, Puck's sorry for what he said the other day. He's just not man enough to tell you himself, so I decided I'd do it for him." She shrugged mildly enough face unreadable

"Oh. Thanks?"

"No problemo, Davester. He's been pretty hormonal after getting suspended. He got worse than my menopausal aunt when he thought we wouldn't be able to come back to school. Surprisingly enough, I know. Luckily enough, I'm pretty persuasive…"

Dave laughed "Well…I…appreciate it. I really do feel bad."

"Hey, don't worry about it, pal," she said now starting walking they shuffled down the hall side-by-side "you never bullied me. And even if you did, I probably just would've ripped your man boobs off."

There was something ominously serious about her despite the fact she was joking. Nonetheless Dave chuckled

"You _don't_ mess with the Zizes," she sighed out, squinting off into the distance

He nodded brow furrowed theatrically "Duly noted."

* * *

Out at the grocery store getting milk (his mom sent him out but truly he enjoyed meandering the orderly aisles there) Dave's cellphone began to ring

Thinking it was Mom asking him to get more food items he said "What else do we need?" Abruptly however his heart sank and he heard a fuzzy sound on the other line

Kurt. _Crying_.

Dave's stomach curled up and he asked "Kurt? What's _wrong_? What's the matter?" His mind raced oh god what if Kurt's dad…

"Dave—it's nothing—I _just_…Blaine broke up with me."

He took a moment out to be utterly fucking relieved (heart was fucking _pounding_) his dad was okay thank god but _wait_

"Wait…what? Are you fucking _kidding_ me?" _Blaine_ broke up with _him_?

"I knew he was too _perfect_ for me."

"No. I don't…_believe_ it! You're too good for him, Kurt…" shock was still running through him and he felt strangely touched Kurt called _him_

He only heard static sniffling on the other end

"Are you…okay?"

"…No. Not really."

"Do you…do you want me to come over or something? Beat Blaine up to a fucking _pulp_?"

"Oh Gaga, _no_." He heard Kurt take in a few deep breaths "But…could you, actually…come over? Is it too much? I just…don't want to be _alone_."

"I'll be over in five minutes." Dave raced out the door thoughts flying he

Felt angry and sad and relieved and happily relieved and fucking angry and fucking vengeful to hear those tiny sad sniffs on the other end he

Wanted to crumple up shrivel up to think of Kurt so sad so sad and

Worst part of all he felt like jumping up and down with selfish bursting joy


	15. Chapter 15

Hands trembling holding a Kleenex box Dave approached the Hummell door

Kurt opened it before he had the chance to ring the doorbell the boy's whole face is _red_ red the selfish happiness Dave had felt now gone gone he's furious but also he feels Kurt's brokenness wants it he

Takes a step forward and hugs Kurt

"Thanks," Kurt murmured, breaking away quickly "I'm a _mess_," he sniffed out

Blue eyes stared off "I'm home alone for once but someone's bound to come back soon…and I don't want them to see me like this. I _really_ don't. I'm enough of a drama queen as is."

Dave holds out the Kleenex box awkwardly "I brought some Kleenex, if you want…"

Kurt smiles takes the box "Lovely. This _will_ come in handy. Can we just…drive?"

* * *

"Let's park here," Kurt motioned towards an empty parking lot

"I want to tell you what happened," he breathed out "and I _don't_ want you driving when you hear it.

Look, Blaine was bullied, too, for being gay. Much worse than I ever was—Dave, _don't_. You weren't the worst; it's in the past, anyway. I'm _serious_—but Blaine was legitimately beaten up often in the past, and…he's just always been incredibly fearful, but more than _that_…

Ugh." Kurt looks up as though fighting back additional tears for a second before "The point of what I'm trying to say is…he didn't like that _we_ were friends."

Dave looked straight at Kurt unspoken words forming (confusion)

"But he was _fine_ when we went to Dairy Queen…"

"_Oh_…" Kurt sighed "Blaine knows how to present himself quite well. I suppose we're both quite good at concealing our emotions."

Dave silent looked at Kurt's shining eyes at his careful body still elegant in its own sloppiness in its untended hair flushed face fidgeting hands

"He's not one for forgiveness, I guess." Before those words could swell become horrible overwhelming air Kurt continued "I mean…it wasn't just that, though. We weren't particularly compatible, anyway…but. Oh _Dave_, he was my _first_ boyfriend, _ever_, and he was so…_lovely_…"

Dave burned inside shriveled

"Yet I can't be forced in and out of friendships, can I?" Kurt sighed looked out the window into a darkening evening

Dave longed to ask Have You Forgiven Me the words stuck in his throat

"_Thank_ _you_, Kurt."

After a twitch of a smile Kurt looked down at the used tissues he'd gone through for a brief second some part of Dave's subconscious looked at his army of used tissues and

Thought of them as little tiny paper cranes surrounding battered tragic…

"This is _disgusting_…I basically used all of your tissues! I'm sorry, Dave!" Weakly the boy laughed

Leaning over awkwardly determinedly Dave dove hugged the still sitting Kurt

"Do you want some ice cream?" He asked gruffly breaking away

"Ah, the classic break-up indulgence…" Kurt mused lightly Dave looked at him curiously "Oh, you _know_ I do! At times like these sugar is a necessity!"

* * *

Silence as Kurt thoughtfully licked his vanilla cone they sat inside Dairy Queen

"I hope you don't mind me ranting this whole time," Kurt said

"It's no problem. At all. Get it all out," Dave said roughly, kindly

Kurt sighed yet again, licked his upper lip and "My heart breaks a little bit, though…picturing the first time I met him."

Silently Dave thought, _me, too_

"He was so kind to me, Dave. The way he took my hand and looked at me…I felt so incredibly happy. My heart was going to burst. It was like I finally could have that textbook romance I had always dreamed of…"

Dave picked at the pecans in his turtle sundae, listening thinking

"You know, he was really self-centered, though. I know _I_ am, too…but he was all _innocent_ about it.

He'd always have this aura of superiority that I just _couldn't_ get over…" Kurt simply shook his head turning his attention back to the ice cream

"You know what my first impression of Blaine was?"

Kurt looked at him

"I thought he was a _dick_."

Kurt gave a strange smile, "_Well_, but you…"

"_Kurt_. He was this stranger, preaching something straight from some generic brochure, I'm sure, talking about…you know, my fucking _sexuality_ loudly with everybody else just there, _easily_ able to hear…"

Kurt sat back, thinking "Huh. I'm sorry. I didn't realize…well, I mean to say, I did and didn't…"

Dave shrugged good naturedly "And anyway…the slicked-back hair? Come _on_ now, that _must_ have bothered you at some point."

"Actually, it reminded me of Elvis which only made him more charming…"

"Really _envision_ his hair, just for a moment. You must have been insanely infatuated if you didn't hear the little voice hiding in those well-oiled locks, whispering _douchebag_ over and over…"

Kurt gave a light laugh "I think I could see it, now. I was definitely enamored. I don't know what else I missed but I'm sure it'll come back in bits and pieces…" He sighed, again

"Thanks for this," he said "I really needed someone to listen to me.

And if I'm being completely honest…you're the one person I can be most serious around, I think. You and my Dad. Everybody else needs me to be that upbeat gay guy…and I guess a part of me _is_ that, but…"

Dave slipped on an easy grin "You're a person, not a stereotype. I get it. Hey…" his finger swiped his own nose "You have some ice cream right there" without trying to stifle it he let out a chuckle (_adorable_) and blushed

"I think that's awesome that you're so close to your Dad," Dave remarked as Kurt wiped away the ice cream with a napkin "I mean…_my_ Dad and I…he's just this _man's man_, you know? The classic businessman type, I guess…"

"Aren't you all gung-ho manly, though? I mean, shouldn't it be perfect that your Dad's the same way?"

"Well…I mean, it's like…that's the problem."

Kurt nodded "I'm sure that you'll be okay, whenever you do decide to…" Dave nodded eyes flitting "Ultimately they love you, right?"

His chest seared but yeah "Right," uneasily but it is true ultimately right

"Then…just know you'll be just _fine_. You have friends to support you." Kurt's hand brushed on top of Dave's supportively

"Kurt…you'll find a guy a thousand times better than Blaine, you know. You're so kind and…_everything_," Dave's voice caught

Kurt laughed mildly

"I always used to envision walking along with my future boyfriend, hand-in-hand, and feeling…whole. Completely and utterly happy and perfect. Did you ever dream about that?"

Dave nodded

"With Blaine…it didn't feel like that. It quite truthfully wasn't as lovely as I expected."

"Yeah. I know what you mean," Dave went off into his own thoughts for a second (Brian) thinking about the girls he kissed nameless really so empty fruitless _off_

"Thank god I really didn't go very far with him…he wanted more, I knew. Yet something in me just…couldn't."

"It's like…you should only do that shit if it really means something," Dave remarked thoughtfully, truthfully

"Exactly."

* * *

The two sat Dave put the truck in Park idle in Kurt's driveway

"I still can't believe you didn't know what _Wicked_ was," Kurt said amusedly, picking up various tissues placing them in a random plastic bag to throw away "no _self-respecting_ gay man goes through the day without singing 'Defying Gravity' at least once in his head…I mean, really!"

"You shouldn't stereotype like that."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…you hate on all those people who make assumptions and generalizations, when you do the exact same thing. I…I really do love football and hockey and all that stuff, you know? I didn't just do that to 'cover up' or whatever."

"Hm." Kurt was genuinely shocked for a moment "I'll take that into consideration. But you certainly must admit that it did aid in keeping up with the heterosexual appearance…"

"That's true," Dave breathed out Kurt had collected all of the tissues looked at his house driveway began to step out of the truck

"Oh Gaga," he said lightly, cringing, looking at the car in front of them "Carol's home…quick: do I look like I've been crying?"

"You look like your usual fabulous self. Don't worry about it."

"Thank you, again. Really. I honestly do feel better." Slow smile Dave's heart flutters

* * *

Feeling stupid in her office leaning on the couch he went for it

"Carol…do you know Kurt personally, at all?"

"No, why do you ask?"

"Just…wondering." That felt silly but necessary. _You never know…_


	16. Chapter 16

Happy Fourth of July! (:

* * *

He reaches out a finger rings the Hummell doorbell

A few moments and he hears Kurt's muffled voice shouting something and Hud—Finn shouting something back before the door is opened

"Oh, you're early…don't look at me, I'm _hideous_!" Kurt said flamboyantly embarrassed "Are those…cupcakes?"

Dave looked down at the little cupcake tray he was cradling sheepishly "Yeah. I remember you told me one time you liked red velvet…I tried to make them all fancy like you'd like…kind of failed in that department, but…what the hell." He threw them towards Kurt, blushing "I had to pay you back for the Calculus tutoring."

"Wow," Kurt smiled widely "thank you. You're a regular Martha Stewart…these look _amazing_." Grabbing them walking into the house to the kitchen setting them down

(He had spent two hours on those cupcakes)

"Finn will likely eat all of them before I get any, so I might as well gorge myself now," Kurt's voice dripped he and Dave sat down in front of Kurt's Calculus binder as the boy took a large bite of red velvet

"You know…" Kurt started, as he carefully licked frosting off his lips "you don't seem like the cooking type, Dave." He smiled

Dave shrugged "It's something to do when you're bored," trying unconvincingly to be casual cool about it still bashful about liking baking and shit

"This is probably our last tutoring session, even though it's only the second one…you're smarter than me in the mathematics department…" Kurt rose got two glasses of water "_surprisingly_ enough." Sly

"Oh _gee_, _thanks_ Hummell," Kurt sat back down Dave swatted the boy's un-moussed hair in mock offense

"Hey, I'm just stating the truth. You've revolutionized my opinion on the general competence of jocks…I mean, _honestly_." Kurt's head jerked motioning upstairs "I live with Finn…that's what I have to go off of."

Dave chuckled "Good point. Finn has messed up East and West more than once."

Kurt rolled his eyes "In addition to Right and Left, I'm sure."

A pause before they would begin working on Calculus when Kurt asked

"Hey, can you drive me to school tomorrow? I don't exactly have a mode of transportation—Carol and dear Father decided to take a cutesy three-day weekend excursion to Gaga-knows-where, and Finn's leaving early for that Science Seminar field trip…" Kurt sighed dramatically

"They're abandoning me, I swear to _Streisand_…"

"No problemo. Anytime. My truck's got a decent amount of McDonald's wrappers, though…"

"_Why_ am I not surprised?" Amused

"I'll clean it up. Only the best for Kurt Hummell, right?"

"You know it, _dahling_. Add some fuzzy dice décor and we'll be good to go."

"Classy. You are _quite_ the class act."

"Don't I know!" Kurt laughed lightly Dave smiling "Alright, let's get started on Calculus…"

* * *

Tina Dave Mike talked more at the lunch table with everybody else

There was this closeness they didn't acknowledge but enjoyed

(Something had changed)

Yet today before Dave could sit Tina grabbed his arm saying happily "Dave, let's walk and talk before we eat," a mysterious glint to her eyes "we'll just make a lap around the Science Wing…"

"Okay…what is this about?" Vaguely unsettled by the elusive excited quality

"Well…don't hate me if I'm wrong, but I was wondering something…I saw you with Kurt walking into school today and I got thinking, and…are _you_…this is probably silly, but…"

"No, it's not," Dave sighed reassuringly though darkening he knew what was to come it's fine it's good but still he felt a pit in his stomach "just say it, okay?" He knew he knew

"Do you…you _know_…_like guys_?"

Reality rushed at him he answered it was fine yet "Just…just don't…tell _anybody_, okay?"

This was enough of a reply she now knew

Tina hugged him hyped up parting quickly "You know, Dave, that everyone in Glee would be cool with that, right? Even Puck, I think, would be okay…"

"Yeah. I know." They were almost back at the cafeteria he shrugged silently uncomfortably "But…does anybody else know? I mean, do you think it's obvious?"

"No…"

But the politeness and uncertainty in her voice made his heart fall a thousand fucking light years

* * *

Finn stumbled up to Dave in the hallway eyes set on something face bright

"Hey man," he said happily "a bunch of us are going out to karaoke tonight, wanna come?"

(Does he fucking know…? That…_that_…) He pushed it out didn't want to consider

"Doesn't that involve going to a bar? How exactly do you plan to get around the fact it's probably illegal?"

"Well, here's the thing: it's actually at Rachel's synagogue. It's like this _teen thing_. But it could be pretty cool, I don't know…" Finn flushed as he explained and Dave suddenly somehow understood how he truly did care for Rachel

"Well, I'm not going to sing, but I'll come. I honestly don't have anything to do tonight."

He felt the bubbling of excitement as Finn parted ways with him

He didn't even notice (for once) Azimio alone shuffling past him

* * *

Kurt switched his messenger bag to his other shoulder, crinkling his nose "Yes, I heard about karaoke tonight…but I don't want to go. It's a religious sort of event…I'm quite atheist."

"_Really_?" He couldn't believe that he didn't know that

"Is that surprising? How come _you_ believe in the Almighty? Whatever Creator there may be in the sky hasn't been the greatest to homosexuals."

Dave licked his lips thinking seriously "God is harsh to everybody. And anyway, that's like a result of the poor choices people themselves make…like, I believe in free will…and, more and more humans learn how to be more…_humane_. I like to think there's something greater out there."

Kurt fell silent

"For all the dreaming you do in those musical numbers…I mean, why _not_?" He continued intent "Isn't there something inside of you? Isn't there some part of you that just wants to believe?"

Their eyes locked

"Well, I suppose," Kurt sighed "but I…I simply _can't_. I can't truly envision it, Dave. It's a romantic idea, but how could a God leave humans to create such hate and bigotry?"

"Maybe He wants us to understand certain lessons ourselves. Like you can't have good without evil and shit. Human beings are really the variable that create evil…you should come to karaoke tonight…meet other people, I'm sure they won't be homophobic or whatever."

"I've already met plenty of religious people at McKinley."

"Yes, but…maybe new turf means a new outlook, too. I'm not asking you to join up with some gospel choir…just come with an open mind. I'll drive you there."

Kurt thought for a second then "You _are_ right…I mean, about me being rather close-minded with certain things…"

That was the closest surrender Dave would get "Does that mean you'll come?"

Kurt shrugged in a fashion that read, _I'm Not Going_

Dave laughed. "_Ouch_," he shook his head "well, you're missing out, my friend."

* * *

Dave drove to the synagogue by himself heading uncertainly into a large room full of other teenage kids (mostly younger but whatever) he immediately found fellow familiar Gleeks and

Kurt was there.

"I'm glad you came!" Dave grinned beamed brightened looking straight at those blue eyes

"Well," Kurt smiled knowingly "as a diva I have to take every opportunity I can get to sing…

If I hear _one_ homophobic comment cloaked with religious mumbo-jumbo, however, I am leaving immediately. I only hope you'll do the same."

"Look around, Kurt. Does anyone here give you death glares or something? Check it out," he ducked his head closer to Kurt's ear so that they could hear each other in the loud room, pointing at two separate people some yards away "there are people wearing Legalize Gay t-shirts.

I mean, Rachel has two gay dads…I don't think she'd practice a religion if it was homophobic in any way. It's just how different people interpret it…ultimately religions just all try to make the world better." He shrugged "It's not something you have to believe in but you gotta respect, you know?" Oddly embarrassed he motioned over and the two boys walked towards the punch

Rachel in the background was finishing up a beautiful rendition of "My Heart Will Go On"

One of the adults once the music ended began to force her off the stage much to her loud protesting "You need to let _other_ people have a turn," they argued fruitlessly

Eventually she gave up, however and stormed off into the arms of a waiting Finn

An idea popped into Dave's head, and he turned to Kurt with a sly look

"Watch this," he grinned as if to prove a point

Stepping onto the tiny stage he grabbed the mike and muttered the song name to the karaoke machine worker, still huffing and puffing from the laborious efforts needed to get Berry off the stage

The music cued up and immediately people exchanged some looks and glances (_Is this the real thing_?) He could see in the eyes of Glee members

Dave parted his mouth and began to sing with silly full brimming confidence, voice gruff but friendly smile wide

_I'm coming out, I'm coming_

_I'm coming out, I'm coming out_

_I'm coming out, I'm coming out_

_I'm coming out, I want the world to know_

_Got to let it show, I'm coming out_

_I want the world to know, I got to let it show…_

(It really was _nothing_!) Dave began to dance playfully and other people in the crowd joined in there were no laughs but eager smiles the song itself was fun

Everybody clapped when he was done there were a few playful catcalls but Dave took it in stride it was _nothing_

The Glee members were looking at each other smiling but he's not looking at anyone other than Kurt seeing his smile of strange awe and shock

They looked at each other and laughed

Gleeks crowded around Dave it seemed to be a frenzied group hug they _knew_ now

"I'm so proud," Kurt whispered in his ear

"Great job up there," Tina said to him high-fiving giving him a knowing smile

"Hey," Rachel's voice rose above everyone else's, "let's all do a group rendition of Don't Stop Believin'!" Excitedly then the person sitting working the karaoke machine groaned loudly

"Is there anyone out there who wants to sing who's NOT from McKinley High's glee club?" He asked the crowd of teens desperately too late

McKinley's own crowded at the mike

(Rolling his eyes) he set up the most popular karaoke tune perhaps the world has ever known

Dave's smiling next to Kurt and singing he is

Free. So this is what it felt like.

_Don't stop believin'_

_Hold onto that feeling…_

* * *

Kurt opened his locker to retrieve his French book

Dave before leaning against the lockers beside Kurt noticed his locker decorations

Noticed a particular picture evilly glinting back at him

"Why do you still have _his_ picture?" Dave nodded towards the framed portrait of Blaine

"I guess…in some ways…I _do_ miss him," Kurt said after a pause of finality

Before Dave could really respond meaty hands came up from behind him spun him around

Azimio. Brent. Damien. The rest of the guys, nameless

"Hey, I see you fairies walking around these days like you're a married _couple_ or something."

"We just wanted to give you fags a _honeymoon_ _present_."

They all smiled a twisted dark grin including Azimio low chuckles rippling through

The jocks all fucking take a step in towards Kurt towards Dave

For once Dave takes a step in, too

"_Don't do this_," he muttered low directly to Az

Slight hesitation

"It's too late," Azimio then said "I don't have a choice now that you're flaunting your love with Rainbow Flag over here."

"Fuck all of you guys. Shut up with all that gay shit, _okay_?"

"What's the change, Karofsky? Lose your balls or something?"

Karofsky sighed he did not fucking want to deal with this _shit_ Kurt stood defiantly but silently behind him

"_Don't_—" he started

"Just leave us _alone_, you guys," Kurt butted in, voice with a certain strength to it

It was then he heard some stupid fucking jock mutter with a chuckle under his breath "_Faggot_."

Kurt took a step back

The last fucking straw. "I can't _take_ this shit," Karofsky started "this utter fucking SHIT. Let's _go_, Kurt." He tried to step out of the circle but they pushed him mockingly back

"Woah, hold up there, cowboy," Azimio laughed out

Karofsky sneered looked straight into Zee's eyes and saw a certain concern unwilling to surface he looked around into the eyes of all the other dudes he used to be _buddies_ with they used to fucking _hang out_

One of them blew a theatrical kiss to Kurt who had also been looking at the crowd calculating

All of the jocks took another step farther. There was no room no teachers in sight this time he couldn't just walk away they needed to know

"_What the fuck_." Karofsky sighed and took a step up just an inch more forward now in the face of all these fake people idiots everything rushed out "I'm—

I'm fucking GAY, okay? I'm a '_fag_.' I couldn't even tell you guys that when we were _friends_." Locked eyes with Zee or tried but he was looking past him

"But now that we're not," Dave continued "I guess I _really_ just _don't give a shit_. I'm gay, and that doesn't mean I want to get into Kurt's pants or I am any less of a person, OKAY? _Fuck you_. I really don't know why I tried so hard to be straight."

In a rush and everybody paused their eyes widening their mouths agape the jocks looked at each other as if to say _This is real, right?_

Dave's heart is hammering and he can barely move he feels a light cool hand softly pushing his side taking his hand moving him from the group

Hand-in-hand with Kurt he walked somewhat quickly to a relatively populated hallway all he can think is 

"Oh my _god_," Kurt breathed out, smiling eyes lit "You DID it! You're _free_, Dave."

They smile at each other but worry is dripping through Karofsky

"Don't obsess about it," Kurt continued soothing "you know that no matter what you have the glee club to back you up." He paused as if to say _and, you have me_

But Kurt's small hands on his bent shoulders seemed to be say enough

Dave started to tear up so slightly out of pure relief

(Somewhere in the back of his head, he had always just worried _worried_ about all those guys fucking _finding out_…)

"I feel…so much _lighter_…" He breathed out grinning beaming standing up tall


	17. Chapter 17

Thank you (:

* * *

He sat at the end of their row, next to an unstoppably smiling Kurt

Everyone jittered with an antsy special magic smiling readiness

Schue took the waiting moment to lean out talk to everybody "This could be _just_ the inspiration we need for Nationals!" Paused then light-heartedly "Hey, _Rachel_, I expect to see you up there in the future, alright?"

Rachel grinned from the middle of the row, pearly-whites bright and eager

Kurt muttered to Dave off on the side "Why didn't he mention me? He _never_ mentions the possibility of me getting onto Broadway, and I'd literally kill someone to get onto that stage…"

Dave looked at him strangely, smile twitching

"I'm joking, I'm _joking_," Kurt reassured

Chucking Dave shook his head "The sad part is…I don't think I'd be the only one questioning your seriousness level right there."

Kurt pretended to ignore him, only crinkling his nose "Psh."

Abruptly the lights began to dim down Kurt's head whipping towards the stage, in a hushed rushed tone "Holy _SHIT_ it's starting!"

In the going light Dave could see Kurt's eyes widen, hands clamping onto his mouth

"Dave! I _never_ swear!" He seethed out "You're rubbing off on me!"

"That's more fucking like it, motherfucker! _Shit_ yeah," Dave managed to laugh in a whispery way

"Oh, you shut up," Kurt muttered "swearing is not exactly marvelous. Especially for a _mature_ man like myself."

"My apologies."

There remained a pause as things had not yet begun on stage

"Oh _Dave_," Kurt breathed out happily "this is going to be fantastic! Can you feel the waves of awesomeness already? Blaine told me Wicked was the _best_ show he'd seen yet…!"

Lights were on Galinda descended from the rafters surrounded by bubbles

Dave looks at Kurt, gleefully almost tearfully looking at the lights the costumes

He wants to burst with a tender happiness

Then he, too, turned to watch the show

* * *

_Hands touch, eyes meet_

_Sudden silence, sudden heat_

_Hearts leap in a giddy whirl_

_He could be that boy_

_But I'm not that girl_

_Don't dream too far, don't lose sight of who you are_

_Don't remember that rush of joy…_

_Every so often we long to steal_

_To the land of what might have been_

_But that doesn't soften the ache we feel_

_When reality sets back in…_

_Don't wish, don't start_

_Wishing only wounds the heart_

_I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl_

_There's a girl I know_

_He loves her…so_

_I'm not…that girl_

* * *

_So if you care to find me_

_Look to the Western skies_

_As someone told me lately_

_Everyone deserves the chance to—fly!_

_And if I'm flying solo_

_At least I'm flying free_

_To those who ground me, take a message back from me:_

_Tell them how I am defying gravity_

_I'm flying high defying gravity…_

Dave's heart stopped or leapt abounding he can't stop grinning

Breath everything didn't move he only felt her voice saw the lights the witch enormous majestic consuming everything felt like flying

The lights for intermission came up he and Kurt sat there for a few moments still

"That was fuc—AMAZING!" Dave breathed out stood up with Kurt looking at him with crazy electricity he hugged Kurt without hesitation (warm)

"Oh my GOD!" He couldn't stop smiling he broke away still feeling inexplicably potent

Kurt fans himself, still in there too "That was probably the _best_ moment of my _entire life_. Right there…

Oh, _Gaga_—imagine seeing it with Idina Menzel herself!"

"Hey, she was in RENT, right?"

A tinge of surprise crept into Kurt's eyes "Yes! You did your research," he playfully punched Dave who looked down smiling

"Do you want me to get you a soda? Diet Coke?"

"_Ah_, you know me so well," Kurt's eyes glittered "but make sure it's decaffeinated. I do not need any more stimulation here."

"Oh, I know, my _smoking hot_ bod's too much stimulation for everyone," slyly his eyes crinkling

Kurt looked up at him then, sitting down, and pursed his lips out slightly tongue darting out licking provocatively Dave realized the innocent boy didn't _know_

They laughed off the little joke both blushing didn't realize Dave went to get the Diet Coke

He felt freer walking in a crowd of people, he noticed, somehow

(Everything was okay, and everything was going to be okay)

Amidst this vague wave of perhaps confidence a curiosity surfaced

_Who had Blaine seen Wicked with?_

He couldn't stop the bleak buzzing in his brain the fact that Kurt had mentioned Blaine and and _I suppose…in a way…I do miss him…_

* * *

The Glee Club met in the gathering area after Wicked every one of them gussied up revved up still from the shimmer of fame song

Mercedes chuckled "That was the best thing of my _life_," she said happily arm slung around Kurt casually, the two of them smiling at each other "seriously, I didn't think I'd be into the whole _Broadway_ thing, but that was…"

"Phenomenal," Rachel finished for her, eyes shining brightly

Smiling Finn from behind hugged her, burying his face in her hair (though the sentimental action was overshadowed by their awkward height difference)

Mike Tina Artie were all in line for t-shirts

Puck stood with Lauren a step or so back from the group, reluctantly grinning

"I gotta admit…I kinda liked it," Lauren said in a somber way, shrugging agreeably enough

Puck nodded next to her hesitated then said to her Dave overheard

"I'm going to go get a Wicked button…"

Puck's eyes met Dave's and he gave a sheepish smile "Buttons can be badass, right?"

"I wish Santana would've come," Brittany said glumly, an oddly lonely tinge

"She was busy with family stuff though, right?" Dave said in a reassuring tone

Brittany sighed a small smile

"Not gonna lie…" Dave started speaking to the group glancing at Kurt "all of those songs were actually awesome."

"I can give you my Wicked CD, if you want" said blue eyes

"Oh _my_, isn't that illegal, Mr. Hummell?"

"Well…Broadway is of a higher importance."

Everyone chuckled including Schue it seemed that show tunes surpassed most moral boundaries

"Go after your dreams…all of you kids. Every one of you could easily be up there on that stage," Schue suddenly said, looking at each one of them including Dave "I know I let those dreams slide right by…so take it from me that you shouldn't be afraid to just _go_ for it!"

Everybody was beaming thinking chattering as they left

* * *

"How do you feel," Carol asked "after having come out to those boys?"

"I'm so much better…I feel _incredible_…a lot of people here and there ask, _Are You Really Gay?_ And I do get stares in the hallway…I know it's weird for other people, especially since before…you know…I used to be pretty much duke stud over there."

Odd, he didn't feel any qualms about the fact he once had been at the top of the food chain

Dave sighed fidgeted "I feel like I honestly _do_ have the Glee Club on my side…"

"What do you think inspired you to come out to your old friends?"

Dave picked at the couch a little bit considering things intently "I don't think I ever would have done it had I thought about it. But I was…in the moment, and so…pissed off. I was just looking for a release."

Carol jotted down something quickly before continuing "Do you think this sentiment, perhaps, coincides with your reasons for kissing Kurt?"

Dave squirmed in his seat shrugged nodded

"Why so uncomfortable? We've discussed these things before," Carol smooth assuring

"We're friends now. But I just keep on wondering if I'm making that shit up or something…I don't know…"

Carol nodded "Do you continue to see Kurt in a romantic light?"

"We've been over this before…it's not going to change." He darkened "I can't…help it."

"Do you think Kurt could reciprocate those feelings?"

"No," Dave said sharply truthfully "but…maybe with time I could get over that." Uncertainly thought determinedly "I mean, I _get_ it. And he has every right." But innately his voice dripped with a strange disagreement this is what he should say

* * *

"How do you generally feel, these days?"

"I feel so happy. Really," Dave said, after a beat "It felt so fucking—freaking—awesome to stand up to the football guys. I _never_ thought I'd do it. I think I can come out to my parents. Like, I can actually _visualize_ it."

He smiled and found a now familiar inner stability, again

* * *

Dave sat in the Hummell living room Disney DVDs spread around him Kurt bustling in the kitchen

The boy came in with two bowls one buttery popcorn the other rather green and odd-looking

"What is _that_?" Dave motioned towards the latter bowl

"Oh," Kurt glanced as though he'd forgotten already then grinned mischievously "it's my own little _concoction_: pistachios and chocolate chips. It's really quite good…you should try some." He held the bowl out towards Dave, sitting on the fuzzy carpet with him

Tentatively he grabbed a tiny handful and chewed the mixture, considering

Dave shook his head. "I don't know, Kurt. I'm not liking this. It's a bit…_iffy_." He grinned to see the little look of shock on the boy's face

"_Well_ then," Kurt sighed dramatically turning his attention to the DVDs "I suppose you simply can't handle such a highly _sophisticated_ and _unique_ snack as mine."

Now Dave looking at the DVDs, too "So…a Disney cartoon marathon…I can't believe you talked me into this." He chuckled rumbling reaching for some popcorn

"Me either! But I'm glad because now you can enjoy all the classics little girls live for…have you seen any of these?"

Dave shook his head, Kurt's mouth fell agape

"Are you _kidding_ me, Dave? God _GAGA_ this means we have to at _least_ watch…hm…" with fresh calculating mind Kurt scanned all of the options choosing with nimble fingers carefully thoughtfully

"Ugh," Dave threw up a popcorn kernel catching it in his mouth absentmindedly wishing Kurt had seen "you're lucky I don't have a life."

Kurt cackled then smiling "You know you love it."

With that he slid in the first movie: Beauty and the Beast

* * *

_Tale as old as time_

_Song as old as rhyme _

_Beauty and the Beast…_

The credits are rolling Kurt has an introverted expression, sitting still

"What's up?" Dave asked nudging Kurt to reality

"Oh…it's nothing."

"_Dude_…you can't do that to me. Now you _have_ to tell."

Kurt sighs and "Blaine texted me earlier today. I think he wants to make up for everything and get back together."

"Oh."

Heart sinking (why are you surprised why are you sad stupid)

"Well, are you? Going to get back together?"

"I…don't know. We're going out to lunch tomorrow to talk things out…"

Dave just looks at him can't react

Quickly Kurt says "I won't get back together with him if he makes me choose again. I would _never_ jeopardize our friendship like that."

Oh yeah. _Friendship_.

"But, Kurt—there's the whole fact that he _did_ make you choose before. You said that he's too self-absorbed…why would you go back to that?"

Kurt is silent

"You said that you were waiting for someone who just feels right. Does _this_ feel right?" Dave pauses licks his lips realizes the awkward wording "Do you feel right starting _that_ all over again?"

"I simply…sometimes feel a little _lonely_ in the romance department, alright?" Kurt juts out reddening "No, it doesn't feel _perfect_, but…I like to be wooed."

"There are so many other guys out there who would…sweep you off your feet and date you. Don't go back to _Blaine_."

"Where _are_ those guys, Dave? Point out _one_ other guy who would date me. Honestly."

Dave is quiet his heart beating should he no he shouldn't oh GOD just

"I—"

Kurt starts before he hears Dave begin "_Exactly_. I know I haven't been single for too long…but I'm willing to give him a second chance. Everyone deserves another shot."


	18. Chapter 18

Thank you for your kind words...they make me so incredibly happy! (:

* * *

Finn and Tina simultaneously rose from their seats

An awkward pause wherein they looked at each other _Who will speak first?_

"Ladies first," Finn sighed out and sat back down, a triumphant Tina smiling and waiting for listening ears above tiny circles of conversations

Dave sits with arms crossed, paying considerate attention Kurt and Mike in similar suit

Annoyed with swimming chatter Dave rolled his eyes than grumbled loudly "Tina wants to talk to us, you guys—"

Everyone still talking Tina herself cut Dave off, belting in a shockingly loud tone "_I've got an idea that can win us Nationals!_"

Immediately the room became stark silent

"Now that I have your attention," Tina started abruptly sweetly "I would like to point out the fact that we always seem to choose…_dancey_, light numbers. They're happy and carefree enough, and everybody does them."

A few nods circled the group listening

"I think that this year, we should be more _unique_…by focusing on the strong, serious bond we've made as Glee clubbers

We should keep things more genuine and down-to-earth. How great would it be to focus on what makes us so powerful—_friendship_?"

Santana butted in a slight slice to her voice

"Wouldn't that mean basically _only_ doing _ballads_? Because _that's_ going to be more boring than talking about indigestion."

Mike gave a slight twisted expression silently—_indigestion_?—Dave chuckled mildly

"Yes, that _could_ mean more ballady songs…" Tina rolled on undefeated "but, I mean, think about _Wicked_…I got chills hearing 'For Good,' and that was a slower song. The basis for that whole musical is friendship…it's a universal topic that not a lot of glee clubs touch on."

Mercedes chose to nod vigorously there, adding "It's like all of them focus on relationships or being all _over-the-top_. Like, I ain't some attention-deficit desperate broad!"

Feeling silly Dave added "_Preach_!" Looked over at Mercedes they nodded once

"We always get marked down on our dancing…this way we can have a _real emotional impact,_ and the seriousness wouldn't call for much movement."

"I think Tina has a great point here," Schue felt the need to add

Finn then spoke up standing up with a finality "_Now_, I have—"

Tina calmly held up one finger, smiling "I'm not _quite_ done yet, Finn. I think we should actually perform the song 'For Good' as our ending number. It could be a group thing, with a lot of small solo parts—we'll split up the duet so everybody gets to sing."

"I'm _impressed_, Tina," Mr. Schue put a hand on a hip, looking pleased "I can tell you really thought this out."

"Thanks, Mr. Schue," Tina replied blandly as she sat back in her seat next to Mike finally allowing Finn to jump up to the front to talk about some sort of kissing booth

* * *

Tina touched Dave's arm after class

"I know this is silly," she began "but for the beginning part of 'For Good'…I envision Kurt singing Galinda's part. At least, at the very start."

She looked at him "Can you talk to him, for me?"

Dave cocked an eyebrow looked at her strangely

"You might as well talk to him, yourself! _Here_," he sped up grabbing Tina's arm they found Kurt in the hallway

* * *

"…So I'll just talk with Schue and you'll have the beginning solo, then!"

Kurt looked eyes darting at her Dave then her again, beaming earnestly surprised

"I'm so _honored_, Tina. Really. Thank you," he placed a hand on her forearm

Smiling Tina walked away and Dave realized how over the course of some strange timeframe she had acquired serious power within the club

Turning back to the coiffed boy beside him

"You know you were _meant_ to be Glinda. C'mon now," Dave said, grinning at Kurt's silent happy shock

"Well, _of course_," Kurt slowly composed himself "but typically the big parts of our numbers go to Rachel…I mean, _really_, especially with such a huge Broadway number…I wasn't expecting anything, at _all_."

"You deserve it, little man" Dave smiled and fought the awkward urge to hug him

Instead he just playfully patted the boy's highly elevated hair

* * *

The two walked into the bland hospital meeting room instantly Dave sees

Brian for the first time Since as it is he has on the same blue shirt Karofsky all that time ago slowly inched off of him…

He gives Dave a conspicuous wink—he blushes fiercely feeling a questioning stare from Kurt next to him he is shameful shameful but wait

Why the…_why feel shame, right?_ Dave clears his throat doesn't address the situation

But Brian bold as ever walks up asks "Are you two a _couple_?" A pointing finger darts between Kurt and Dave there is a time pause

"_No_," Kurt juts out then icily but Dave senses the boy's twitchy nerves

"_Actually_…" Dave started a silly idea blooming "Honey, we don't have to hide anymore…" the glint in his eyes loosened Kurt up and Dave swiveled slightly to face Brian as his arm casually hung around blue eyes

"Quite recently we became…_lovahs_, and we had decided to hide it from everybody…but, you know what? Let's be loud and proud with our _passion_, Lover _Darling_!" Dave laughed as he and Kurt exchanged theatrical goo-goo eyes

Despite the dripping sarcasm the message surfaced clear

"Oh," Brian says, confident smile not completely wiped off "You've got yourself one _fine_ man right there, _girlfriend_!" He drawled at Kurt then his eyes flashed sinister as he turned back to Dave

"I just wanted a _little repeat_ of what happened last time," his voice was raw and throaty and with a steady finger he touches slips down Karofsky's chest

Dave's heart beats madly for a number of reasons he steps back

"Too bad," Brian sighed out "you have my number, if you ever change your mind." With that Brian walked away, in a flamboyant fashion that showed off a well-exercised ass beneath his jean pants

He left the room, obviously there in the first place for a mere _booty call_…

"Thanks," he said, arm separating from Kurt voice dripping relief "It was stupid, but I just needed him to leave _somehow_, you know?"

Kurt had an odd expression "What did you two do…_last time_?"

"Just…stuff." He looked at Kurt looked away simultaneously slightly angered and shameful "I don't know, it was _weird_…I…" he sighed "if I'm being honest, I just felt numb afterwards."

"Did you go all the…"

"Oh _god_, no." He quickly spit out, eagerly earnest

Kurt waited a beat "I thought you said he wasn't your type."

He had absolutely no right to be mad at Dave, but it still seemed annoyance was heavily detected in his eyes voice

"Well…he thought I was attractive." Bitter "I mean, _really_, how often am I going to get that in life, you know? I'm not exactly what you'd call '_hot_,' in _case_ you haven't noticed." Couldn't help the bite to his voice, words

"Don't say that. You have nice eyes."

"Psh. You're just saying that."

"You _do_! You shouldn't be so hard on yourself!"

"Okay." He didn't want to argue over such a silly "Thanks. I'm glad he's gone, so thank you for playing along."

Kurt nodded noncommittally "He really _was_ cute," he mused with a sly grin after a slight hesitation "look at you, Davey, snagging all the _hotties_!"

Dave snorted lightly pushing Kurt

It was then that Rob piped up, seating himself right next to Dave in the circle "Let's begin, everybody. Who would like to go first?"

Abruptly Dave began to sweat and nervous habit caused him to clear his throat before talking Kurt patted his arm supportively

Breathe in

(Relax…)

Breathe out

"I'd like to go," he offered out, voice strong (still, though, hoping for rejection, maybe)

* * *

Dave looked into Rob's reassuring eyes glanced all around the circle everyone listening intently his heart wanted to break

_Could he do this? _

He sensed Kurt's warm small presence next to him and

Became empowered in his nervousness words sprang to his mind

He knew the answer.

* * *

"I've always liked _sports_ and stuff. So, there's always been…you know, that pressure…there were always a lot of jokes and names thrown around that got me real scared.

So, by the time I realized I was…well, I always knew, but I didn't really understand that I was _gay_ until a few years ago. Anyway, I couldn't tell anybody because absolutely _all_ of my friends made homophobic comments and shit. So, I just began to say those…comments more and more. To…you know. Cover up.

It just…" he sniffed didn't look at Kurt look at ground safe "it got worse. I was fucking awful to everybody. I was so fucking _scared_ that everyone would find out and hate me for it…I hated myself. I fucking hated who I was and who I wasn't and…just everything. There wasn't a second where I _didn't_ worry about that shit."

Dave began to tear up a little bit licked his lips "I felt so fucking _bad_ about bullying all those kids. That's what I did. To look macho or some shit. Everything was just…hopeless." His eyes flitted towards Kurt looking straight into him

"It chewed me up inside. Thinking about all the shit I pulled."

He sighed

In, out

"I tried to…_commit suicide._

I loathed myself for not even succeeding with that.

But I told myself I'd be different. Like God kept me alive for some sort of reason, right?

So,"

Breathe in,

Breathe out

"I came out to my best friend. And…" Dave sobbed completely chest heaving feeling Kurt's cool arm on his back shoulders "he stopped talking to me, completely. And I thought I hated him and didn't need him and I was just fucking _pissed_, right? But it's not like that because…oh _fuck_…because he doesn't understand, and I understand so fucking _fully_ the pressure that he's feeling. I know he's super fucking insecure and needs all that cocky confidence and shit…I…"

Dave sighed again again calm down

"But. Slowly I'm just trying to be more okay with everything. I guess on paper I'm still depressed. I take pills and shit. But I do feel _different_."

He looks at Kurt "People have been so nice to me…I don't know if I deserve it. I really don't." Tears dripped down his nose red sloppy

"They...everyone…they call me _Dave_ now. Not Karofsky, my last name." He sniffed, gradually pulling things together cheeks tinged "And that…feels so…_awesome_. I'm almost _used_ to it by now. It's so crazy.

I'm more and more…_okay_ with who I am. Thanks to this guy, right here," he put a hand on Kurt's shoulder, smiling sadly "I'm so…absolutely happy that I survived."

He looks at the ground at the circle they nod in respect

Kurt looks at him and every embarrassment seemed to slide by he grinned, lighter heavier ever the same ever so completely changed

* * *

It was evening by the time Dave drove Kurt home the sky tinged dark

_Thank you,_ he had hugged Rob invited him to play cards with his family some night

There was a curious inner peace calm within him

"I know you hate me saying this," Kurt breathed out softly "but I really believe you can come out to your parents, Dave. I think you're completely ready. It's what _you_ think, of course…yet…I'm just…" Kurt sat back in his seat, smiling silently "I truly am so happy for you…"

"You know," Dave pulled up to Kurt's driveway but the two still sat seatbelted

"I think I _am_ ready…" his sparkling eyes met blue ones the two grinned

"Will you…come with me?"

"_Absolutely_, Dave."

With that Dave pulled out of the driveway driving with a steady clarity

* * *

"Mom. Dad." Sticky Karofsky got out he and Kurt were sitting across from the two of them on their couches Kurt's hand rests calmly supportively on Dave's arm

"I have something to tell you…"

With a rush he let it out, certain and as steady but unsure as possible

"I'm gay."

* * *

"Is that why you were so sad, before?"

"That's _wonderful_, David."

"You don't have to keep it from us, we love you no matter what!"

"We love you so much"

"I love you"

"I love you, too"

"This is awful, I'm getting boogers everywhere!"

"Kurt, join in! Group hug!"

"You should know that we love you no matter what."

"It doesn't matter."

"Don't ever be afraid to be yourself, David"

"Your mother and I will love you, always. Remember that."

* * *

Relief

Relief

Relief

Relief

Relief

Hugging feels Dad's scratchy beard sloppy

Sloppy

Relief

Happy

Relief

Relief

Kurt hugs him Dave puts a hand to the back of his small soft head feeling waves of careful hair Dave breaks again again

Relief

Looks into the boy's blue eyes smiling

Relief

Relief

Relief

"Hey, um, I'll just make some tea." Followed into the kitchen sets a kettle on and

Relief

Relief

Relief


	19. Chapter 19

I personally see Paul Karofsky as a somewhat homophobic man, who would ordinarily be reluctant to accept the fact that his only son is a homosexual. However, I think that with a suicide attempt his viewpoints would understandably and even abruptly change, as he is a father first and foremost. Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but that's how I perceive his character to react in such a situation.

As far as the set list goes…who knows if these songs actually meld together? In my head, it works out…

* * *

Dave hands Kurt a small slip of paper short words he quickly jotted last hour

"Thank you," in Japanese

With a silly but still serious look,

Kurt hands it right back to him

Knowing, honest

* * *

NATIONALS SET LIST:

I CAN TELL THAT WE ARE GONNA BE FRIENDS—TINA, ARTIE DUET

LEAN ON ME—EVERYBODY, BEGINNING VOCALS MERCEDES

FOR GOOD—EVERYBODY, BEGINNING VOCALS KURT

* * *

They sat side-by-side after school in the choir room Kurt having practiced his vocals and Dave more or less there for moral support

"I'm so nervous," Kurt said, eyebrows crunched together adorably

"You shouldn't be," Dave assured the boy, grinning warmly "you sound almost…angelic. Your voice is just so _pure_." He couldn't help but blush this time he was certain Kurt was blushing, too

"Look," he began glancing at those blue blue "what if you really got into the character of Glinda? Maybe that can help your true _diva essence_ come out"

Kurt took an intake of breath abruptly rather interested

"That _does_ sound rather fun…" he breathed out, slowly a smile erupting

"I'll play Elphaba, and you play Glinda. We'll just sing the whole song."

"_Wait_," Kurt said frantically with erratic fluttering movements as Dave then backed away from the stereo "I must prepare! As only the _best_ actors do!"

"Ah," Dave chuckled "but of _course_!" With that he closed his eyes dramatically repeating mantra "_Be_thecharacter_Be_thecharacter_Be_thecharacter…"

The two laughed

"I think we're there," Kurt nodded with silly formality turning to the stereo pressing the Replay button, familiar karaoke music drifting on…

* * *

_I've heard it said_

_That people come into our lives_

_For a reason_

_Bringing something we must learn_

_And we are led to those_

_Who help us most to grow_

_If we let them, and we help them in return_

_Well, I don't know if I believe that's true_

_But I know I'm who I am today_

_Because I knew you_

It was then that Kurt looked really looked at Dave into him

He melted to see the boy's eyes so clear so focused so tragically dramatic yet _composed_…he couldn't stop looking didn't stop

_Like a comet pulled from orbit_

_As it passes the Sun_

_Like a stream that meets the boulder_

_Halfway through the wood_

_Who can say if I've been changed for the better?_

_But, because I knew you_

_I have been changed for good…_

Dave breathed in quickly he realized he had to sing

_It well may be_

_That we will never meet again_

_In this lifetime_

_So, let me say before we part_

_So much of me is made from what I learned from you_

_You'll be with me…like a handprint on my heart_

Kurt's eyes were shining Dave's throat tightened

_And now whatever way our stories end_

_I know you have re-written mine…_

_By being…_(don't cry) _my friend…_

Both of them, halfway singing halfway squeaking out the melodic words

_Who can say if I've been changed for the better?_

_I do believe I have been changed for the better…_

Kurt sang lightly sadly

_And, because I knew you…_

Dave, rough

_Because I knew you…_

As the music finished the boys hugged, warm bodies against each other unable to exactly articulate

What had happened but something strong new

(Somehow, still, (new) it had always been there)

Kurt sniffled into Dave's shoulder and reluctantly they parted

* * *

Dave heard a teasingly loud wolf whistle from down the hall looked up to see Azimio

Almost from some forgotten habit he cocked up an eyebrow

(It had been a strange sort of joking greeting between them ever since they found out they _could_ actually accomplish the eyebrow feat)

Instinctively Azimio cocked up an eyebrow right back before quickly flashing back to who he was, now

(Still, the jock couldn't help but let out a rumbling chuckle)

"You got me, _fairy_," he said yet the name didn't feel so dark or earnest

Dave felt a stupid rush of happiness that he couldn't shake off

Or was it _hopefulness_?

He should know better, but he toyed with the idea in his brain in the following classes

* * *

"Hey, Dave," his father calls from the living room "game's on. Wanna Cheeto me up and watch with me?"

Inexplicably he feels strange and overjoyed

This he had craved for so long

Maybe he didn't even know it, but the longing was for exactly this

"_Heck_ yes," he said grabbing the crunchy bag of puffs

* * *

"This is just the best opportunity we could get…we're going to be in _New York_, singing _Wicked_…" Kurt stated for perhaps the zillionth time, dreamy-eyed though this time his voice pitched even higher just then and "Best of all, I get to sing it alongside my _BFF_, Davey!"

Dave smiled with the dripping in a mirroring stereotypical voice "Oh my GAWD we could get matching I LOVE NY shirts and EVERYTHING!"

"It'd be SO TOTALLY HAWT…oh my _gosh_, Dave, you have a surprisingly _excellent_ Valley Girl voice!"

"_Gee_, thanks. I try." He flipped his imaginary fluffy hair to Kurt's peal of giggles

* * *

After school Dave glided into the choir room on auto-pilot, only to see Mercedes with a stereo

"Where's Kurt?" He asked

"He was absent today?" Mercedes answered somewhat taken aback

Embarrassment flooded Dave

"Oh yeah…good _God_. I just had it cemented in my head that I had to go to the choir room today…" he felt incredibly stupid. Especially due to the fact he'd spent his last hour in an indubitably lonely state

As the silly stupidity sunk in deep deeper Mercedes spoke up new topic

"_Hey_, how about you help me practice? Let's just do a fun little number."

"Alright…I can dig it," he said pursing his lips trying to nod all cool

"Hm," Mercedes started craftily looking at her CDs "_well_…I think this song is fitting, considering our statuses…" Gleefully she puts on Single Ladies

Though not an instrumental the two sang along anyway, happily dancing around

(Free) He let loose and jerked around to the beat

Mercedes cackling in the background they skipped jumped crumped flailed as the best of them do

Afterwards both were breathing heavily, seated on the plastic chairs slightly sweaty enough to be uncomfortable still smiling

"Hey…we should do that again sometime," Mercedes beamed "you're pretty fun, Dave Karofsky."

"Back atcha, _babe_." He bounced back

A pause as Mercedes seemed to be considering something then

"Kurt's pretty fantastic, isn't he?"

_Where did that come from?_

"Yeah…" he got out "he is…"

"Shut your _face_, Dave! You _like_ my man, Kurt!"

Dave blushed fiercely licked his lips "—_No_—"

"Yes, you _do_. You just gotta get all _romantic_ up on Kurt."

"Why…are you…where did this come from?"

"I like you, a lot. I didn't think I would. But you're a pretty cool guy. I'm Kurt's girl, and I see you guys together and…for some weird reason…it just _works_." She glanced at Dave "I gotta admit, I'm a little jealous. I guess I'm a real romantic at heart. What can I say?" She giggled brightly Dave looked at his hands unwilling to speak about it yet wanting to describe how freaking _lovely_ Kurt really was…

"Have you…told anybody?" He stuttered out

She shook her head assuredly

"Anyway…thanks for doing Single Ladies with me."

"That sounded kind of naughty…"

"Ooh…Dave! You shush your dirty mouth!"

"Hey…you were the one who said it. That's all _I'm_ saying."

She shook her head and cackled

"We lone wolves have to stick together, you know?" Dave added "We're some _fine_ pieces of ass!"

The two high-fived with Single Ladies flair

* * *

Dave leans against the lockers next to Kurt's the boy's rummaging for some Literature book

"What's your locker's state, at the moment?" Kurt asked absentmindedly randomly

"_Hum_…I didn't really put anything in it, except for books," he said, eyes noting the decorations that gave off the impression a rainbow had exploded in Kurt's locker

"That sounds so _drab_…"

"It's just a locker, you know. I don't mind if the color scheme is _bland_," his eyes crinkled teasingly

"_Pshaw_," Kurt sighed out, looking at the decided success of his own locker get-up wide eyes falling on the picture of Blaine

"How did that lunch go, anyway?" Perfect moment Dave raw curious jealous

Kurt sighed again this time dramatically "_Ugh_, don't even get me _started_…" nonetheless Kurt started "As it turns out, he did, _definitely_ want to get back together…at the same time, he wanted to lay everything out on the line."

The boy glanced at Dave then continued "He _kissed_ another guy while we were going out."

"Are you…holy SHI—zz." Shocked he can't even (raging, somewhere)

Blue eyes smiled acknowledging silently his (trying he knows he swears too much, anyway) he's still intent focused on what he's saying

"I know…Blaine's definitely a confusing person. In a _way_, I understand and respect that he wanted to be honest with me…yet, nonetheless…it's a low blow."

"I can't believe he cheated on _you_. He is the world's biggest douchebag." For the first time in forever his hands clenched, slightly (breathe)

"_Needless_ to say, I haven't contacted him since."

"GOOD. You deserve so much more than him, Kurt. Really." Look look away

"Strangely enough, I'm not even that angry. We should have been in love…but we weren't. At best we reached the innocent infatuation stage."

"So…are you over him?"

"I honestly think so. At the _very_ least," Kurt breathed out "we both need a break before trying to be friends, at this point…"

Smiling quickly Kurt grabbed the picture of Blaine from his locker and crumpled it up balling it until it was unrecognizable

"Alright," Kurt said sheepishly after Dave gave a questioning look "I suppose I _am_ a _little bit_ angry." He tossed the little Blaine ball into the closest trash

* * *

"_Alright_," Mr. Schue breathed out in front of his Spanish class, Dave in the small sea of desks and students "in a few days I'll be leaving with the Glee Club for our Nationals competition." He gave a quick smiling nod towards Dave, who ignored the still skeptical stares others gave in response

"So, I just wanted you to know that I got you all special substitute teacher…

_Hollie Holiday_!"

A few cheers echoed in the room and one boy chirped out, "_ella es muy caliente, ¿no?_"

Dave felt stirrings of excitement: _in a few days…_

* * *

Mr. Clark handed back the Calculus test, gruffly stuffing a corrected packet into Dave's hands

"A-. Good job." He says it short quick

"Thanks," Dave says truly proud in himself but more happy that he proved something…intelligence, worth. Who knows.

Mr. Clark moved down the desk aisles too quickly to respond

Still, a strange victory

* * *

The McKinley gymnasium held various sport kiosks the place was buzzing with new and big league adolescent athletes

He finds Finn tall easily above everyone else walks over Finn smiles

"Hey, dude, you trying out for football next year, then?"

Dave smiles thoughtfully "Yeah. I think I will…"

"We're totally gonna cream Denverville this year."

Dave laughed "_Dude_, we always do!"

Puck approaches from maybe out of nowhere clamps a hand on Dave's shoulder "Man, just for your information…you know, we got your back. In case _anybody_ on the team has a problem with you."

A silent smiling thanks

He could do this. He was stronger he could defend himself, but this time

He wouldn't alter himself, he wouldn't hide

* * *

"Hey _homo_!" Azimio cooed over the crowd of athletes "Good luck at that fairy competition, with all your little _butt-buddies_! Bring back a big, shiny trophy!"

Dave shakes a head, over it

Though he looks at Azimio again and catches a serious glance

A serious hesitation

* * *

Dave at home packs for Nationals emptying the school stuff from his backpack stuffing in paper and a book for the plane ride

He throws various clothes in his suitcase doesn't worry about slimming colors

(Okay, but yeah he did put that dark blue one in there for a reason)

He lumbers to the bathroom to get his toothbrush and all that

Sees that little pill holder, with only a few pills left

He didn't feel depressed and some weird struggle overtook him as he looked at that tiny label

Pausing, he decided to throw the pills in his suitcase, yet

(He knew) He wouldn't take them

He wants to be real, for once


	20. Chapter 20

The plane's seats are fuzzy and uncomfortable Dave fidgets again again but to no avail Kurt sits beside him lost in his own excitement the plane hasn't started yet

"…Gosh, I'm probably going to pass out, considering I spent all night packing…I'm _so_ excited!"

Dave chuckles shaking his head

"Just a few hours, and we'll be there…_New York_! Oh my _god_!"

Kurt finds himself busy situating finding comfort the two squirm to discover some hint of sleepable comfort

"You know," Kurt started again "I'm going to _have_ to sleep on this ride, somehow, regardless of these ridiculous seats…this is going to be the only time I _do_ sleep on this trip, honestly…oh, _Dave_," he turns to Dave with a slightly earnestly worried expression "_really_, wake me up if I start to…snore or drool all over the place. I just couldn't bear stooping to that level of unattractiveness."

Dave snorts and Kurt laughs too seeing the humor, but still endearingly concerned

"I highly doubt you will do either, Kurt. You're too classy."

"Ah, while it's quite accurate to say I'm a class act…I mean, I don't _think_ I snore or drool…but you never know."

Dave sat back in his seat closed his eyes tired too

"I'm not going to get you up, you know, snoring or not. You need your sleep."

Kurt's face scrunched playfully pouty but nodding all the same "It's for the best. Screw pride and dignity, right?"

"Amen, sister." Dave holds up a lazy palm and they high five

(He ignores the electricity of the touch he ignores the way his arm brushed against Kurt's twice)

* * *

As Kurt sleeps peacefully beside him Dave muses

He doesn't feel any different, really. He expected to feel…well, who knows…

But if anything, he felt better. At the very least more alert aware about everything

The flight attendant rolled up to their row

"Would you like anything to drin—"

Dave put a finger up to his mouth motioning to the still dreaming Kurt the attendant's blaring voice dampened

"_Two ginger ales_," Dave whispered

Placing one off on the side for Kurt first Dave breathed in out before taking a relaxing ginger ale sip

* * *

In his sweet sleep Kurt leaned over head resting on Dave's shoulder

A chill of happiness runs down his spine he closes his eyes feeling

Maybe he can't have Kurt in _that_ way yet at the very least he wants

Wants he wants to _protect_ this boy to follow lead him

The stupid self-righteous feelings swell within him without even thinking he rests his cheek against the boy's soft hair

With the soft steady black in his mind Dave finds himself falling asleep, too

* * *

The large group of Gleeks sit tables smushed together eating dinner at the Hard Rock Café

(They are in New York they are in New York!)

Having ordered awhile ago the waiting is becoming antsy stomachs rumbling

"Hey," Dave suddenly pipes up standing up steadily

"I just wanted to…propose a toast. To…_Tina_." Everyone looks at the blushing girl Mike smiling too kisses her cheek

"She became our leader for Nationals," Dave continued everyone nodding "more than that…she stood up for me and brought me into this club. I'm so _grateful_…" he's beaming she is too "Because I knew you, Tina…I have been changed for good."

Everyone laughed kindly enough at the cheesiness clinking their glasses together Dave blushed Tina mouths _Thanks_ from the center of the table

Mr. Schue puts up his glass then saying proudly "Here's to _everybody_, for all your hard work!" More clinking

Then Finn pipes up "Here's to _you_, Mr. Schue! For not giving up on us!"

"And not running away from us for Broadway!"

"Here, here!"

The mans' smile seems to falter for a moment but there is a genuine sparkle

* * *

After dinner Kurt and Dave hung back from the herd

"I don't really want to go back to the rooms _just_ yet," Kurt admitted tugging on Dave's jacket sleeve "can we go get a coffee?"

"Sure, yeah." His heart stops Dave notices the boy's slightly pink cheeks his hair weaving in the wind he is dashing

"What is it?" Blue eyes honestly somewhat startled

"You look…really great," Dave smiled

Kurt beamed "Thanks. You do, too."

For some reason for once he believed the boy or wanted to

"Where do you want to go for coffee?"

"Let's just go to the vendor over there. I want to meander the streets of New York! It feels so mind-blowing to be here."

They smile at each other at the sky at the buildings

"I'm so happy I came here with you," Dave says finally

"Why is that?"

"Because…you really feel the _magic_ here."

Kurt's expression read startled and pleasantly so

* * *

Dave pays for the coffee he has a medium with cream Kurt has a soy latte

"This is my _future_," Kurt breathed out sipping at his latte tentatively "I'm coming here after graduation, you know. I'm going to be crazy famous."

"I don't doubt it," and he truly didn't "it's just…like, it's more than only fame, right? There's that gut feeling inside of you, that tells you to just go for it…"

"Gah. I'm so jealous of you and your gut feelings."

"What?"

"You're simply so…impulsive. I'm not. I plan things out. I've planned out my New York City future ever since I saw _New York, New York_ at the tender age of five."

"Hm," Dave considered taking a spicy gulp of coffee "well, you didn't plan this little coffee excursion, did you?"

"Well, not _exactly_…"

"There you go! You're impulsive!"

Slowly Kurt smiles rolling his eyes he grips Dave's arm

"It's silly, but that does make me feel better."

* * *

Not far away a small café was playing "Kiss From a Rose" out of fuzzy stereos

Finding himself enjoying the song Dave follows his feeling stops walking

"Do you want to dance?"

Kurt looks at him strangely then "Sure," Dave takes Kurt's small hand then grasps lightly the small of his back, swaying in a silly manner

_Baby I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey_

_Ooh, the more I get of you the stranger it feels, yeah_

_Now that your rose is in bloom_

_A light hits the gloom on the grey_

Their bodies slow as both are rather tired having spent all day walking around

"Mm, this is nice," Kurt murmurs dreamily wearily

"Yeah," Dave breathes out and the song is just ending they keep swaying dancing in soft silence until Dave realizes and breaks away so slightly checking blue eyes

Afraid. Fearful his heart starts pounding he's scared of what he feels he

Wants he _longs_ to kiss Kurt and it's more than he ever felt before an overwhelming wave he's hungry he's shriveling he's sent back to that locker room and

What he thought was unstoppable then now so much deeper so much stronger he bursts fights with every nerve

Sharp intake of breathe he walks hurriedly a few steps from Kurt

"We should get back," he choked out "we don't want to get Schue all worried or anything."

_To think he almost did the exact same thing he'd done so long ago…_

Kurt's eyes glassy Dave ignores the break, nervous

"I think I _actually_ know the way back from here," Dave says surprising himself they've been meandering for quite some time

"Huzzah!" Kurt cries suddenly cheerily "We are lost no longer!"

* * *

They shuffle down a stark silent hotel hallway to Kurt's room though

Before they reach Kurt swivels around eyes bouncing "You _know_, I'm not even that tired."

"Me either," Dave agreed smiling

"What are the chances that Schue will actually check that we're in our rooms by eleven?"

"Very slim, considering he hasn't called either of our cellphones, and we've been away for awhile now…" Dave rumbled out laughing "he's a horrible chaperone."

"That's probably a good thing," Kurt whispers out silly "they have a piano in the basement…you know, the place we practiced in earlier today. I doubt anyone will hear us down there…we could practice singing some more, I suppose…?"

"That sounds pretty decent right about now," Dave replied and they moved for the stairway

* * *

"_Gaga_," Kurt sat at the piano dejectedly "I forgot the fact that I'm not musically inclined enough to provide us with some piano backing."

"Well, I can play. Just a couple of songs," Dave says

"Really? A _piano player_? Dave, you surprise me more and more…"

"Well, I quit after middle school, but before that my parents got me this piano teacher that wanted to be super hip, so she taught me a bunch of pop songs."

"How _hip_, indeed! What can you play?"

"I really don't remember much. The only song I can recall fully is…'Iris'?"

"Oh, can you sing it? _Perform_ it! Have your songwriter musician moment in the sun!"

"I'm kind of nervous."

"Dave," Kurt looked at him seriously "you are awesome. Please. And it's _me_, you don't have to worry."

"So, it's like I play this or you bug me about it for eternity, huh?"

"Oh, _please_. You know you want to play it for me…serenade me with your pearly whites…" Kurt giggled lightly "Everyone who joins the Glee Club is cocky. Let's not pretend here."

Dave shrugged sucked in some air and sang in a raspy falsetto voice in effort to be softer quieter

* * *

_And I'd give up forever to touch you_

'_Cause I know that you feel me somehow_

_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be_

_And I don't want to go home right now_

_And all I can taste is this moment_

_And all I can breathe is your life…_

_And I don't want the world to see me_

'_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming_

_Or the moment of truth in your lies_

_When everything feels like the movies_

_Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive…_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am…_

* * *

Dave closes his mouth swallows dry he is open and whole

Time pauses as they look into each other something stutters in Kurt's gaze

"Dave…what did it feel like…" pit in his stomach he knew, he knew Kurt sounded too soft too sensitive "…shooting that gun?"

Quickly Kurt rushed out "Sorry, I just had to ask…"

"No," Dave cleared his throat "nothing to be sorry about. Actually, you're the first person who asked me…" he breathed in out glanced at a waiting listening blue

"The first sensation was just…losing air. I felt like I was exploding and melting simultaneously and I felt the blood flooding my throat. I fought so badly to get air. Everything became just…this _bright_ white, and I felt it all in slow motion.

It was the worst pain I've ever experienced. I didn't even realize anything could hurt _so badly_. Well…

I…" his voice faltered for a minute moment "I heard my parent's cries. Probably from when they found me, seconds later…I still sometimes hear them…my mom…screaming and." His voice stuck

Kurt sat silent eyes shining staring off into maybe his own thoughts

"I can't imagine." He softly breathed out

It was weird, thinking about it, Dave realized he felt so disconnected like he forgot that it happened that it was is his own memory to remember

The weariness and the black hate as he pulled that trigger

They sat in a few seconds of quiet, together

* * *

"Do you want to go to breakfast at Tiffany's tomorrow?"

"Oh my _god_! Can we actually do that?"

"Well, I was looking online and I don't think we can, but we can get breakfast somewhere else and just eat it outside."

"Good enough! Oh my _gosh_, I hope you know I'm going to pretend I'm Audrey Hepburn."

"Classy cigarette, black dress and all?"

Kurt chuckles wearily. "I'll try my best. Oh Dave, you are _amazing_ for thinking to look that up…I can't believe _I_ didn't think to do that…"

"I figured you'd be a Hepburn fan."

Kurt smiles largely. "That's just _so_ sweet….

Okay, so I'll call your room early tomorrow, alright? We need to be sure to get in _as many_ activities as _possible_. We basically have only one more day."

"Alright. What, like 7 A.M?"

"Streisand, yes. I'm going to need to get up at like five to just look presentable."

"_Posh_. You could get up right away and look wonderful."

Kurt's laughing. "I love your substitutions for swearing. I've never heard anyone else say 'posh' seriously. But _really_," Kurt shakes his head, "you don't even know. I resemble Charlie Sheen to an uncanny extent in the morning."

"We should go back up."

"Yes, we probably should…it's nice sitting here, though…"

"Agreed," Dave smiled

* * *

"Does your Dad know…we're _friends_?" Dave asks Kurt playing with the piano seat

"No," Kurt sighed "he doesn't. He would just blow everything out of proportion. He's _quite_ overprotective, in case you didn't realize…God how I love him, but it's never the right time…"

"I can't believe he doesn't know," Dave gazed off for a moment, shocked

"Oh, I can be sneaky when I want to be. And Finn really isn't too much of a talker at home, so I get by just fine."

"One of these days…" Dave looks at Kurt then back off "I worry he'll just find out and behead me in my sleep or something."

"You shouldn't worry," Kurt's voice softened kind "when we get back, I'll tell him. He will come around…eventually."

"_That_ sounds delightful!"

"Oh, _posh_. Carol will talk some sense into him."

"Ha! You said 'posh'! I win!"

"At _what_, Dave?" He said amusedly

"At…life?"

"I just said it for _fun_, so _there_! Nobody except you honestly says 'posh,' though I'd love to be proven wrong…

But, see, the fact is: I'm always right!"

"Is that _so_?"

"Yes," Kurt beamed rather smugly

"Well then…_hm_…when did the Cold War end?" It was time for Dave to unleash his inner history buff

"Simple: 1989."

Slowly Dave grinned

"What, Dave? The Berlin Wall fell that year…I'm assuming that…"

"You assumed _wrong_, my friend."

"Okay…then, Dave, when did the Cold War end?"

"1992. Camp David meeting. Cold War formally ended."

"Good lord…why am I thinking you're incredibly right?"

"Uh," Dave cackled cocky "because I _am_? And I'm just _absolutely __awesome_?"

Teasingly Kurt pushed Dave to the side "Well, on _that_ losing note, I want to go to bed."

"Sore loser."

"Shut up. I was three years off, that's not too bad."

Dave just smiled skeptically

"It's rather _chilly_ in here," Kurt trembled once as Dave stood up

"Do you want my jacket?" Dave helped Kurt get up

"Yes, if you don't mind."

Dave slips his off helps Kurt into it "Double-jacketing it like a pro," he teases the boy

"Don't I look _smashing_?" Kurt twirls around playfully absolutely swimming in Dave's jacket

He pauses, jacket-less, looking at Kurt's smile, his tired heart faltering for a second

"But of course, _dahling_," he said and they walked up the stairs to their respective hotel rooms.


	21. Chapter 21

Thank you, oh you who read this

* * *

Kurt stumbled onto the indoor ice rink, Dave right beside him

"I thought you'd be better at this," Dave thought aloud amused as the small boy flailed all over trying to find some sense of balance ankles flopping

"You're foolish for thinking that—" Kurt readily got out

"You seem like you'd be so graceful out on the ice…"

Kurt's ankles falter dramatically now Dave grabs him securely through gloved hands by the elbow and hip

Sighing Kurt steadies himself once more

"Thank you for coming with me to this indoor rink. Whenever I picture New York, I always imagine ice skating, Gaga knows exactly _why_…there's something inexplicably _lovely_ about ice skating, though…" blue eyes smiled holding out his arms

"Anyway, the truth is," he admitted taking in a breath "I'm really quite clumsy. I try to hide it, but even the years of dance classes can't shake off this…_awkwardness_."

"I think you're adorable." Quickly to cover up "I can help you practice back in Lima. Ice skating is really easy after just a few tries. And it's a heck of a lot of fun" Dave can't remember his first time skating it had merely always been in his life

"I'd like that," Kurt smiled small

"Soon, we'll be speed-skating against each other…I'd always _win_, of _course_…"

"Ack! Gaga! _Help_!" Speedily Dave grabbed Kurt again throwing his arms around the boy's chest keeping him up both breathless

In one swift motion their eyes meet break

"Thanks," Kurt stands up with a delicately gloved hand he swipes his hair though today it isn't moussed he cleared his throat and resumed moderately dignified airs "I'd love to take you up on your offer, actually. I've always wanted to master the art of ice skating."

Dave scrunched his mouth into a tiny frown to see Kurt's ankles still tremble so

"I'm just going to hold your hand, for support. Is that okay?"

"Of _course_! I _need_ it!"

With assuredness his gloved large hand steadies Kurt's own the two find their own balance for some time

* * *

Dave hangs behind the Glee group stuck in some little store along with Tina they're in a remote corner Tina's looking at manga books hungrily and

He is staring at beautiful fragile squares of paper; they are tragically _perfect_ for Kurt's careful folds and cranes

Grinning Dave decides to buy a small pack of the thin designed sheets

* * *

The group eats an expensive lunch outside, the day beautiful sunny

Kurt's cellphone goes off just as the boy bites off a rather large piece of sandwich

Clearing his throat first in a tiny high voice Kurt answers

"Hello? Oh, _Hello_, Dad!"

Dave watches blue eyes light up as he describes New York the feeling

After some minutes of conversation

"You want to talk to Finn? Hold on a moment," something dark flashes across Kurt's face however quick as the boy shuffles over to Hudson hands over the cell

"You know he doesn't love Finn over you…right?" Dave muttered as Kurt came back reassuring maybe

Kurt smiled faltered for a moment then sighs

"I know, I _know_. Sometimes I can't help but feel…somehow jealous." Lowering his voice "Finn, of course, is the son that I could never be for him."

Dave looks at him strangely

"He's your _Dad_, Kurt. He loves you for _you_." He can tell even just by the stories Kurt tells the man is insanely proud of his son.

"You think so?" Kurt smiles, knowing "I simply have these moments of silly insecurity."

Dave gave him a quick sideways hug hand darting away again

"You shouldn't, _dollface_," he drawled playfully as he took a satisfying bite of burger and they shared a pause a deep glance then grin

* * *

As everyone stands up having finished lunch Dave's cell goes off that little ring

Hastily he answers it to hear a crackly voice he'd forgotten

"Hey," Mitch said over static "how's New York?"

"Better than sliced bread," Dave said quickly odd "why'd you call, dude?"

He heard Mitch hesitate before "Jackie broke up with me."

He could only say back (relatively unsurprised though) "I'm sorry."

"Yeah. It's been fucking hell getting over it. The problem is…she wants to be friends."

"Ouch."

"I—I just can't be _friends_, you know? I don't want to just be her _friend_. I can't sit around and pretend that it's okay when all I wanna do is…I don't know…hold her, maybe…I just wanna be _her guy_." He heard a sigh "You get me, right?"

"Definitely," Dave said slowly.

"I can't help it. I can't stop thinking about…that _bitch_…I'm not even fucking angry, though, I just need her so badly…I just needed to call you because you're probably the one guy who wouldn't get on my case for being so hung up over this shit."

* * *

He is walking towards Kurt when he looks at Tina she looks up he smiles she smiles

"You _know_…" he started, wandering towards her "I'm here because of _you_."

For the first time he sees her eyes well up, if slightly

They both smile laughing lightly

"Well…you _know_," she mimicked his tone giggly "we should have gone with that awesome original idea of ours…" she began slyly "_Pokémon theme_."

Dave threw back his head an cackled she took his arm both chuckling and leaned against it (nice, warm)

They walk over to Kurt to talk of silly things

* * *

"The practice room is freed up…would you help me with my solo, some more?"

They reached the hotel Dave is tired peaceful

"Sure."

"So, just get ready or washed up and in about forty minutes we'll meet down there," Kurt said wearily

"Sounds _peachy_," Dave said and they parted ways lumbering towards their respective hotel rooms

* * *

Hot water pounds down on him in the immaculate tiled shower

Dave stands there nervousness fluttering in his stomach

(They perform tonight)

He has a few lines of solo in "For Good" as everyone else does

Schue had asked him if he wanted a larger singing part he said Dave was the best male vocalist they had he told him not to mention anything but

Water runs down to his ankles pooling at his feet

With a clarity Dave realizes why he turned it down

He didn't want to be a solo singer he just wanted to be a part of something great he wanted to truly belong

Football he was running he was in the moment but things were

Different once he hit that locker room he had to be more less than just himself he could be himself here (here)

He wanted to admire support Kurt Tina they could have the spotlight

He didn't deserve it and that's what he thought all along but now he was just realizing he didn't want it and never did

Here he could be the guy he had been scared to be, and that's all he cared about

(Together) the Glee Club was a powerful force

He turned off the water clean and centered

Maybe he was unsure if he was jealous or regretful

Now (now) he knew

He smiled and Kurt's light voice flooded his brain he is calm

* * *

Wet and new Dave digs through his suitcase jacket looking for his cellphone

Nothing (where would he have put it) he checks his clothes again

Checks under the bed checks the bathroom grabs his backpack he took on the plane empties it roughly contents spilling out digs at the bottom and his hands brush

He feels familiar ceramic folds his

Heart

Stops

Everything turns to stone or lava as he pulls out that little wedding topper it had been forever since he'd last looked at it thought of it

_Why, why the __hell__ did this have to be there here now…_

He sits, motionless, trained practiced trying to let the zany craziness fear anger within him subside slow but it just grew worse like frenzied static like a crashing wave

He thinks of (everything, fucking everything)

His feelings flood him his throat his chest he pulled a trigger now he's melting

* * *

A little jingle goes off he left his cell in one of the hotel drawers

He hears it against empty wood empty wood

It takes everything in him not to answer not to hear those voices he figures it's his parents he can't quite formulate coherent thoughts

He can't hear it though he can't hear anything especially not them not now

(Doesn't deserve) has he even fucking _changed_?

The room is silent again more so than before he grabs the phone roughly from the drawer directing surging anger towards something someone

Three rings Carol's voice crackles on

"Yes?"

He is quiet forming his words he is maybe raging but he is somehow more alert than he's ever felt before

"_David_?"

"Carol, I _don't_ want to take those pills anymore. I'm not depressed, okay? I feel completely fucking normal and I don't want to take those pills everyday like I'm the guy I was before. I _hate_ it. I hate still being tied to the fucking _sadness_ I used to feel I just…" he broke a little bit voice higher "I _can't_. I just can't take them."

"David, did you take them this morning?"

"No."

"When did you stop taking them?"

"Yesterday."

There seemed to be a slight sigh of relief odd "David, you need to take your pills. I've told you already, we've given you a much lower potency and slowly we are weaning you off of them. I know that you've come a long way, but you must understand you can never quite _solve_ or _end_ something _cold turkey_. Breathe, David. _Breathe_."

In

Out

In

Out

"I agree that you are not nearly as depressed as you once were. But _please_, take your pills, David. Think of your parents. A month or so and you'll be off of them for good."

His throat tightens and he's looking at the topper again

He wants to say something but he can't he doesn't he creases cringes

"Okay."

"Alright?"

"Yeah, I'll take them," he said roughly evenly

(He will cry oh fuck)

"I have to go,"

"David—promise me you will calm down and take the pills."

"Yeah," his voice rough but maybe she can tell he means it

He can't think of that right now he doesn't want to talk to her anymore

With a flip his phone conversation ends

Finds the little pill bottle takes a fucking pill dry swallows and

He grabs the wedding topper in hand feeling the folds as he did had done months months ago almost a year ago

With a heaviness he leaves the room he knows what he must do now

* * *

He walks up to Kurt's hotel room door he hears steady humming low singing

Kurt's softly singing some Beatles song

_Hey Jude, don't be afraid,_

_You were made to go out and get her…_

_The minute you let her under your skin_

_Then you begin to make it better…_

_And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain,_

_Don't carry the world upon your shoulders…_

Though he had paused listening reality came back when Kurt dropped something the soft murmur of a voice abruptly stopping with the thud

He grips the topper a little more tightly and knocks on the hollow hotel door

(Blue) Kurt opens the door surprised to see him he doesn't falter and

Silently he holds up the topper thrusting it into Kurt's face

(His legs are Jell-O) "This is _yours_," he gruffly mutters "you don't have to _pretend_ now like you've completely forgiven me." Hecan'tlookathimhecan'tlookathim "I can't get over it, Kurt. I'm so incredibly _sorry_…" okay he looks up into those eyes "I can't get over it…more than _anything_, because…because I _like_ you, okay? And not just like friends…I _Like_ You."

Kurt blue lashes widen mouth parts he is somber but shocked which

Drives anger pulses beat Dave is for some reason furious why is he throwing this away

"Don't look so _surprised_. You had to have known. I mean, come _on_, I…I freaking kissed you. Why have we not talked about that? Why did you—what did it—I don't even know if I _want_ to know…"

Dave looks down shaking his head a warm tear dripping down can't help it

The boy's eyes are glassy as his pale hands trembling take the topper from Dave

Small, slight inhale exhale

They still stand one in the room one outside paralyzed

"Oh…_Dave_…" shakily Kurt whispers and sighs sniffing

He just stands there sniffing too he needs an answer finally why

He is not stone but he is not moving

"I was _scared_," Kurt began (stay motionless Dave don't break don't) "I was, without a doubt, shocked. Of course, I was angry you stole my first kiss with a boy…after all, I'd always envisioned it _slightly_ differently…" Kurt grinned sadly Dave felt more tears drip down his nose "Dave, to be honest, though your abruptness did scare me, there was something even scarier inside of me that almost naturally…_responded_. Back then, I _hated_ it and ignored it, fearful. But what I hated more was that, as I pushed the thought away you kept right on with bullying me, even more so than usual. _Dave_." He looked at him "I _thought_ I loathed you, in a fashion…but I didn't know you. And now…you've _revolved_, Dave, and I've seen all these different sides of you that I couldn't see before."

Both stood there, weeping weak

"_Oh_…" Kurt sighed out sniffling looking into him "I forgave you _so_ long ago. You need to _believe_ me when I say it's in the past…at least, for _me_…here…"

Kurt softly touched his wrist beckoning him inside he sat down on the soft bed

"_You_ need to forgive yourself," Kurt softly breathed as he shut the hotel door "can I…sing you a song, Dave? Forgive me if the request sounds strange…"

Dave nodded immediately curious absorbing

Kurt voice naked began to sing with a raw strong energy

Looking straight at him kindheartedly, truthfully

_You've been on my mind_

_I grow fonder every day_

_Lose myself in time_

_Just thinking of your face_

_God only knows_

_Why it's taken me so long_

_To let my doubts go_

_You're the only one that I want_

_I don't know why I'm scared_

_I've been here before_

_Every feeling, every word_

_I've imagined it all_

_You'll never know if you never try_

_To forgive your past and simply be mine_

_I dare you to let me be_

(Face red voice fierce Dave is staring staring lovely

Kurt is strong neck straining body still and solid)

_Your one and only_

_Promise I'm worthy_

_To hold in your arms_

_So come on, and give me a chance_

_To prove I am the one who can_

_Walk that mile_

_Until the end starts…_

_Have I been on your mind?_

_You hang on every word I say_

_Lose yourself in time_

_At the mention of my name_

_Will I ever know _

_How it feels to hold you close_

_And have you tell me_

_Whichever road I choose you'll go…_

_I dare you to let me be your_

_Your one and only…_

_I know it ain't easy_

_Giving up your heart…_

_Nobody's perfect…trust me, I've learned it…_

Dave's heart fluttered with uncertainty Kurt finished the song with intensity eyes burning face lit

Dave stood up opened his mouth to speak before he can Kurt

Throws the wedding topper lightly onto the bed quickly roughly reaches up

Grabs Dave's face smooth pale hands on stubbly jaw pulls him down

Presses their lips together Dave's heart breaks the boy's lips push eagerly against his own and everything within him longs wants it but

(But!) Dave pulls away from Kurt's grip lightly pushing his chest apologetically

"Kurt," he wants to be clear "I want this. You. _So_ badly…but…I don't want to hurt you, in _any_ way." He doesn't want to do this good _Lord_ his brow creases eyes shining "We would have your Dad. Everybody at McKinley. There would just be…a heck of a lot of people against us, who would question us, maybe hate us and…"

He looks at Kurt deeply mesmerized in sparkling waters

"I'd be…_so_ willing to go through _anything_, for this to work. But it's not going to be easy. I'm a _mess_."

Kurt placed a soft hand on his cheek

"You don't think…" he started strongly "that I understand _fully_? You don't think that I have problems, too? I _like_ you, Dave." Assuredly determinedly "Your feelings are entirely reciprocated. I'm so overwhelmingly _happy_ when I'm around you,"

They both smile magic special something

"I think that…despite _everything_…we have good odds," Kurt grinned widely

Dave bent his neck down diving in kissing him softly carefully

Kurt madly pushes back and Dave wraps his arms around the small boy (electric) and smoothly lifts him twirling in a small silly circle

"I've always wanted to do that," he whispered out inches from Kurt's mouth smiling

Kurt laughed he could see his throat move with the raw giggle

"You're quite silly," Kurt said dreamily as Dave set him inches back down

Everything felt light and wonderful (incredulous)

Dave's warm large hand took Kurt's

Their fingers interwoven interlocked cemented

* * *

Later the two of them met in the lobby to walk around Central Park

Dave saw the dull glint of ceramic trapped in Kurt's small hand

With a casual gusto Kurt tossed the wedding topper in the hotel trash can

"It's just a little cake topper," Kurt mused lightly

With that the two pushed the revolving hotel doors the half circle it took

To get to the breezy open city, hand-in-hand

* * *

_To lead a better life,_

_I need my love to be here._

_Here making each day of the year,_

_Changing my life with a wave of her hand._

_Nobody can deny that there's something there._

_There, running my hands through her hair;_

_Both of us thinking how good it can be._

_Someone is speaking but she doesn't know he's there._

_I want her ev'rywhere, and if she's beside me_

_I know I need never care,_

_But to love her is to meet her ev'rywhere,_

_Knowing that love is to share,_

_Each one believing that love never dies,_

_Watching her eyes and hoping I'm always there._

_I want her ev'rywhere, and if she's beside me_

_I know I need never care,_

_But to love her is to meet her ev'rywhere,_

_Knowing that love is to share,_

_Each one believing that love never dies,_

_Watching her eyes and hoping I'm always there._

_To be there and ev'rywhere,_

_Here, there and ev'rywhere_

* * *

An end, and a beginning. Thank you to those who have read this. What seems to be a rather mediocre story is, for me as its author, an overwhelming accomplishment, as Revolver is possibly the longest story I have ever actually finished. I was going to include an epilogue, but have decided that I will leave you as the reader up to how these crafted characters will end up eventually.

If there has been any weird 'plot holes' or anything odd/bad worth mentioning...well, by all means, please mention it! It only helps me (:

Thanks again. (:


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